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Father Comes Over Unannounced

Is it okay for my father to just walk in to my house after marriage? We recently moved closer to my mum's place after having a baby. As I am working I leave my baby for her to babysit. Now just because we are close by my dad just walks into my house without even calling me and this is making my husband uncomfortable and this is happening on weekends. He is particular about his privacy and at times we are unable to do things thinking my dad might just come in any time. I mean he wants to relax and be himself, at ease in his home, and I myself am not happy about my dad just walking into my house just like that. How do I handle such situation? Am I being rude or selfish here? It's difficult to make my father understand about this uneasiness.

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I feel that my parents should not take advantage and walk into my house anytime just because we two are staying alone without my father or mother-in-laws. Is my thinking morally wrong?

Please me to handle this situation.

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May 17, 20170 found this helpful
Best Answer

ThriftyFun is available and used in many countries so we, as responders do not always know what country a writer is from but generally assume it is the US. I am only saying this as many countries have different "family" rules and customs that may not be customary in the US.

Since this habit of your father's seems to be causing a lot of friction in your marriage then you certainly need to deal with it before a real blowup happens. Perhaps it started because your mother has been babysitting and so it seemed natural and okay for him to "visit" at anytime he wished.

I believe you (since it is your father) should be the one to discuss the problem with him but maybe telling him first that you would like for him to visit sometimes/occasionally but that he needs to call before coming as you and your husband (and baby) may have other plans and maybe you can schedule a visit for another day.

You may have to be firm and let him know that it is upsetting for anyone to just come to your house unannounced. Once he understands your position, hopefully he will agree with you. If he does not, then it may take a while for everyone to realize that you are grown up and have a family and home of your own and your family's welfare and peace of mind has to come first. Privacy is a big part of everyone's life so you are not being unreasonable in your request.

You do not mention your mother's role other than she babysits; but does she do the same thing? If she has the same "habit" then do you plan to include her in your request for more privacy?

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May 17, 20170 found this helpful
Best Answer

lock your doors-tell him if the door is locked he should not come in without being invited. if he doesn't comply, change the locks.

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May 16, 20172 found this helpful

That's not cool. You are adults and need your privacy. You should have a talk with him about your and our husband's privacy. He should totally understand.

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May 16, 20171 found this helpful

It is not right. They need to call before they drop by. I would talk to them before you get so annoyed that there will be a major blowup.

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May 16, 20170 found this helpful

Yes, talking is good. But a door lock is better. If you ever watched "Everybody Loves Raymond" you know how frustrating it was for Marie to just walk in. But, they never locked their doors.

Not only will it keep him out, but home invasion is on the rise and it's much easier if they don't have to make any noise and can just walk in.

In my house it's "closelock" as in one word.

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May 21, 20171 found this helpful

I have some folks that often come over uninvited. I at least keep my doors locked so they can't just walk in.

1. I have often asked they call before they come. So 1 of them does that now.

2. The other person I have a couple clocks in my living room. I look at the time and keep 20 minutes later in my mind. I then get up and say either I need to use the restroom, or that I have to make a phone call.

3. When I am organized enough, which is difficult, I have a timer and set it before I open the door. I set it for the 20 mins. Amazing the person has never caught on. That I don't understand.

For your dad try talking to him. Tell him exactly what you wrote.

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May 22, 20170 found this helpful

No, it is not right. I have a married son and I'd never, ever barge in on him and his wife. Your father should remember what it is like to be a young couple who wants to be alone at times.

I don't know if you've ever seen the TV show "Sex and the City," but one of the characters had the same problem with her elderly MIL barging in (she had a key) on Saturday morning.

They were trying to have a baby, and one Saturday morning, MIL came strolling into their bedroom................let's just say she started calling and knocking first.

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June 1, 20170 found this helpful

It' not O.K. for Dad to walk into your house anytime. A married couple needs privacy. He should call ahead and limit his visits so your husband doesn't get upset with him. Just tell him that you're worried that the situation could cause a rif. Tell him you love him, but a man"s home is his castle where he can relax and not relate and relate. Tell Dad you can take him out for coffee or have regular family dinners that you plan ahead. If he gets too lonely, He could call and ask to come over for an hour or two when your husband is at work.

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June 12, 20170 found this helpful

First of all congratulations on your new baby,they are such a blessing.i do too just have a new baby and oh i wish my parents are here and live close by.i don't know how close you are with your dad as far as your relationship,If you are close that's probably why he don't feel like he need to call first before he come over(after all he is family) but I do agree that we need respect other people space,i also love my time alone when I'm at home so I can relate to your husband.

Why don't you try to have one and one time with your dad over dinner or something and explain that's now you are married,you need your own space with your husband and kids,and maybe try to set up some family time where your family and your parent get together once every 2 weeks or something,take turn from your place and their place.i really don't think that you being selfish but I also think that's your dad just love spending time with you and your family

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July 16, 20170 found this helpful

I would keep the doors locked. Then he can't just walk in. Also tell him that as newly weds you need your privacy.

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