My life has been a very confusing mess. Since I have known my husband he's been very moody, but accuses me of being very moody. I have always been liked, can hold down a job, I am college educated, and can support myself. One of the biggest pain points in our marriage is that we decided to start a business together. I came up with the name, logo, and helped to land the first major contract. I developed all of the training materials for our staff and was the client liaison. Out of the blue my husband says I am difficult to work with, everyone says I am impossible and that I am not to ever come back. Just like that. I was devastated.
Since then, we get into little arguments that always start off with me getting aggravated over something silly like him talking to his business partner on a Sunday morning for 30 minutes, and complaining about his ex-wife. When I say that this was annoying, I am accused of having the worst temper in the world, being horribly mean, overreacting, and being completely irrational. Then I get the cold shoulder, he looks off into space, and then when he does talk only refers to me as a child or will whisper because "he doesn't want to fight anymore." I literally feel crazy. Am I? Am I this monster and I don't know it, is that possible?
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Sounds like you're dealing with a child who wants to blame everyone else (especially you) for his insecurities. I'm sure you're a "go getter" and want to see things done and get them done. He probably doesn't have the ability to do this like you do so that makes him feel less important. The sad thing is he will not change because he doesn't see anything wrong with himself....it's always you. Keep doing what you're doing and get so good at it that you don't even need him so you can tell him to get lost.
Oh no!
Listen, I spent 35 years in an emotionally abusive marriage! You get brainwashed and you believe what he tells you....GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!
Marianne and Mary covered most of the sensible aspects, Leah, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this crap. If you're hesitating at all about walking away, whether you harbour regrets about his behaviour or yours or if you're at all concered about leaving the business you two started, think about getting some legal advice? You've proven your ability to launch a business and can do so again, but all information you can get - going forward - will help protect you.
Find the courage and self-respect, please. You'll very probably be a happier person on your own.
I was in an verbally abusive marriage for 19 years. He was an alcoholic. Don't know if your husband drinks but I can say that when someone drinks they can turn a conversation around that has you wondering if you're loosing your mind or you're going senile and I mean that literally. For years I wondered what was wrong with me. Every situation is all about you and the focus is on your faults. You sound like a strong woman so don't let him convince your otherwise and don't let him bully you.
This is called Gaslighting. It is a technique used by abusers to make the partner think they are going insane. It is named after a movie. In the movie, a man tries many techniques to make his wife think she is going crazy. Isolating her and telling her things that aren't true about herself are part of the techniques used. He also acts irritated with her like it's a burden to put up with a person such as her.
Here's a helpful link: www.abuseandrelationships.org/
And here's another: www.thenewsminute.com/
Here is some more good information: psychcentral.com/
Sounds to me like your husband's mood swings are all stemmed from his emotions of how he feels about whatever it is that irritates him about you or your work ethics. He knows what things also bother you and doesn't mind inflicting you by doing them, so he gets a reaction out of you that shows irritation; the same as he feels at the time. Together, you're both doing a "dance" and you need to stop this repetitional pattern by recognizing it when it happens and then deterring its progress by changing your response.
Sounds to me like your husband's mood swings are all stemmed from his emotions of how he feels about whatever it is that irritates him about you or your work ethics. He knows what things also bother you and doesn't mind inflicting you by doing them, so he gets a reaction out of you that shows irritation; the same as he feels at the time. Together, you're both doing a "dance" and you need to stop this repetitional pattern by recognizing it when it happens and then deterring its progress by changing your response. This will throw him off and each time he goes into his sarcastic mood you walk away and go elsewhere and don't be around him even if it means getting outdoors for awhile. If he doesn't have a pair of ears to hear him complain, then you are the better for it as your ears haven't listened and you're not annoyed as much either for having been bored with it. His type of conversation is not stimulating your brain, so go visit a friend or the local library.
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