Man Jokes

Many jokes make good hearted fun of men, women, pets, and other topics. This is a guide about man jokes.
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14 found this helpful
November 1, 2010 Flag

A real man is a woman's best friend.

He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be her most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait - sorry!

I'm thinking of wine. It's wine that does all that!

Never mind.

By dusty6788 from Silver Spring, MD

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June 6, 2011 Flag

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing. He asked the trainer, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"

The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I would try the ATM in the lobby".

By Nicki

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January 1, 2006 Flag

The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE.' He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath, so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

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His wife replied, "The funeral director would be my guess."

By Terri from NV

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July 23, 2005 Flag

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she."

By Terri

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