How do you respond when your son and future daughter-in-law request that you not attend the wedding because the future mother-in-law (my wife) did not comply with dress color request?
She (MIL) was informed that her dress needed to be yellow or gray to match up with wedding color scheme of ivory wedding dress, eggplant for bridesmaids, and lavender for MOB. The groom and groom's men, FOB, and FOG are to be in tux with ivory shirts and silver vests.
How does yellow, which is a contrasting color not a complementary one, fit the color scheme? In addition, yellow is not a good color for the MIL.
The real question is "should we attend anyway?"
By Thomas from Warsaw, IN
Your son and future daughter in law must have some major problem. Anyway I don't know what advice to give, are they the kind that would raise a public "stink" if you attended anyway? I didn't think it was common practice anymore to request the mothers to dress in certain colors. I know it used to be that the mothers wore dresses in shades of what the bridal party wore. I know my sister didn't have a dress in the wedding colors of any of her three kids. She just wore really pastel colored ones. (05/24/2010)
The color of a dress matters more than having the groom's parents attend their son's wedding? Certainly this can be resolved with a reasonable discussion unless the relationship is not on stable ground to begin with. It is not so easy to find a flattering dress in a specific color and the choices (yellow or gray) are odd. Talk it out. Wild horses could not drag me away from my son's wedding. (05/24/2010)
What in the world? If it were me, I'd wear the bloody dress she wants me to wear because I'd still want a relationship with my son. The issue of yellow dress fitting into the color scheme is of no consequence whatsoever. Don't take this the wrong way, but your son needs to step up. I hope he's on his way to being a man, because he's losing the race right now. What a terrible shame that such a wonderful event has to have such a stupid shadow over it. What a waste. I hope you attend and have the time of your life at the reception. Do you pray? Because this girl needs some serious prayers said for her. (05/24/2010)
I thought about this for a while. It felt like one of those, "If you don't have anything nice to say . . . " situations.
I don't know what kind of history there is with the future daughter-in-law. Has she been overbearing in the past? I've heard some really crazy Bridezilla stories. It seems silly to tell parents not to attend over the color of the dress (unless the mother-in-law wants to wear something completely outrageous). Is there something more going on?
Has your wife even looked for a dress in yellow or grey that would be acceptable to her? Yellow looks horrible on me, so I'd look for something grey. She could probably accessorize with a pretty scarf to give some more color to her outfit. Technically it's still complying with the request/demand.
I hate for such negative feelings to hang over a wedding. I asked my bridesmaids (two good friends and my husband's sister) to wear subtle lipstick. We were going for more of a fresh, natural look. Then I got the call from my husband, asking if such-and-such shade was too dark. My response was something like, "Oh, whatever she can wear what she wants." You can see the difference in our pictures, but it wasn't worth arguing over.
It sounds really inflexible to ask you not to come over something like this. It sets the mood for your relationships forever. If your wife hasn't tried to find an outfit, I think she should try (she'll be the bigger person), but you (or both of you) should express your concerns. Maybe the bride has gone a little crazy in the head over her wedding, or this could be a sign that she will be a completely overbearing, unreasonable wife. If your wife cannot find a dress in yellow or grey that she likes, try to have a calm discussion, and see if there is some other color that would work with their scheme.
Best of luck. I hope that your wife finds a beautiful dress, and that the wedding goes well. And I hope that your future daughter-in-law is a good one, and that they have a happy marriage. (05/25/2010)
The best advice I can offer is that please go to the wedding. Yes, the kids are being unreasonable, selfish and rude, but they are young and want their wedding to be exactly what they are envisioning. Years from now you would regret missing this special event over such a silly request. Just wear the color they are asking and go and celebrate. (05/25/2010)
Why doesn't your wife wear the color the bride requested? It's not a huge request, and the bride must be very particular about it (too much so I would guess). Your relationship with your son should matter to you, and wearing dress to cooperate is not too much to ask. It sounds like you're dealing with 2 immature women. (05/25/2010)
I say go and wear what she wants, I can't see, at the wedding, them making a fuss. You will be there. Walk in and just do what would normally be done. This is a stupid thing. As long as what she wants to wear is appropriate, then go and be damned. i can't believe some of the stupid things women do in the name of having the "perfect wedding". They need prozac. (05/25/2010)
By c t
There seemed to be deeper issues than just the color of the dress. For now, wear what was requested to keep family peace. Family is so important, clothing and appearance is not. For the future, try to resolve what the real problem is for the sake of the future relationship and any children born into the family. (05/26/2010)
This is the bride's day! Stop grandstanding and get with the picture.This is one day the bride will never forget and that a female looks forward to and plans for many years before it ever happens. It's just a dress for the MIL, but it's the most important day of her life for the bride. My MIL showed up in a vivid pink dress (our wedding was blues and white) and everyone that sees our pictures comments about how out of place it looks. You have already had your day, let her have her's. (05/26/2010)
Also, I thought about this a little further, but somewhere in my memory and I may be wrong, but isn't the mother of the groom traditionally supposed to wear taupe? (05/26/2010)
Along with half the world, here, I feel I need to offer an opinion on this. I was thinking "what would Ann Landers say", and I think the MIL should get a dress in the desired color range. How hard is it really, to buy one dress? The bride is likely trying to control every detail of the wedding and is thinking of color coordination of the photos. Brides get like that; I do not think that it portends anything about the future or the length of your son's marriage or the character of the bride.
Perhaps, as some suggested, the bride could go with her future MIL on the shopping expedition? That would be ideal. If that isn't going to happen, then just buy a dress in the appropriate color. It is in the MIL's court to make this an item of contention or not. She should just smile and agree and say "Of course, dear, I am sure the wedding party will look lovely with all the colors coordinating."
Just two stories from my own past. I wanted my MIL and mother to wear long dresses (this was back in 1972) and my MIL said "no way", so my mom wore a short dress as well. We all lived, but I was looking at my photos the other day (been divorced since 2000) and thought that both ladies would have been more elegant in long dresses. And just a couple of years later, my MIL took to wearing a long dress on dressy occasions. She just had never owned one before. She should have taken my advice!
And a few years later, we had a family photo taken, with everyone dressing in softer pastel shades, except my sister in law, who wore bright red velvet. That velvet stood out, let me tell you!
This is, in the long run, a small request by the bride, for whom every detail is important. Your wife should get the color that the bride asks for. Don't cause a rift over this; it isn't worth it. And, by the way, the groom should stay out of this sort of discussion and a groom should stand up for his wife, not his mom, in most situations. (05/26/2010)
Most people say that you should attend the wedding, and I agree. Blending two families takes work from all parties and this is your first chance to be able to make a compromise. Don't push your son away, he will have to side with his bride. Your wife could change into another outfit at the reception, after the photos are taken. I would really like to know what the outcome is. Please let us know how it turns out. Good luck and congratulations to your son. (05/26/2010)
I think this is petty and I think you should attend and wear the color dress you were asked to wear. After all this is a special occasion for the bride and groom; it's not about the in-laws. They want the wedding to be beautiful; I see nothing wrong it that. If this is such an issue I can only imagine the conflict when children arrive. (05/26/2010)
This seems to be a hot topic for speculation. My advise, seek counsel from someone who respects both you and your wife and your son and future daughter in law. None of us know all of you. It appears that there are hurt feelings that have nothing to do with a dress. Maybe it will take you and your wife making apologies, maybe it will take time, but for sure it will take work and humility. I have a young son and the one thing I can say for sure is that my love for him humbles my selfishness and pride almost everyday. Focus on your love for your son and because he has chosen this woman learn to love her as well, with a love that humbles us as parents. It will be a good lesson for them even if they won't get it until further down the road. (06/01/2010)
To all those who have provided feedback on this question. After talking with our son (the groom) (future DIL refuses to talk to us) it has been decided that we will not attend the wedding in hopes of allowing them a happy wedding day and reception. Thank you for the feedback it was very interesting. (06/07/2010)
I'm sorry is has come to this. I'm afraid this is going to put a very lasting bad taste in everyone's mouths. I hope that, eventually, your relationships will heal. Again, I'm sorry it turned out this way. (06/11/2010)
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