My fiancee and I are having a very small wedding in mid-May. Only 13 total invitations went out 2 weeks ago for a total count of 25 possible guests. It is an out of town wedding so all guests are invited to the rehearsal diner. My mother, whom I adore, wants to wait until the response cards from the wedding invitations come back before sending rehearsal invites out. I say everyone should get an invitation, regardless if they are coming or not. That shouldn't matter.
It's not that the cost is too high, since there are only 13 to be mailed out. I just don't understand her logic! I think my fiancee has a good point about sometimes not everyone will respond. They will forget or slack off about it. My mother wants me to follow-up with phone calls to our guests to see if they are coming or not. My fiancee just about died when she heard that and said, "No way!".
What to do? How can I convince my mother to send all 13. Isn't it done like that all the time?
Please email or phone the guests if you have not heard from them by the date you requested them to respond by. You cannot always trust the mail system no matter where you live.
We missed going to my cousin's wedding in January of this year, because she did not realize that we had not received the invitation that she sent out. We just thought that it was going to be a small wedding like yours will be. We were disappointed that we weren't invited and she was disappointed that we weren't there. A simple one minute phone call would have made all the difference, whether it was us to her or her to us. But we did not want to invite ourselves to her wedding if we were not on the wedding guest list, because they may not have wanted us to be there. So, I am now making her a wedding gift and we have already verbally invited her and her new husband to our daughter's wedding this summer.
Have a fabulous wedding, hope the weather is great that day where you live! (03/26/2005)
About the rehearsal invites, you could wait until you get the "yes" replies back about the wedding, then place a nice personal telephone call extending the invite to the rehearsal dinner. I don't think this is in poor taste because, you are inviting them to be fed dinner in a strange city and this is rather personal.
Since there are only possibly 25 people, I assume you're very close to them and would be able to telephone. Assuming the rehearsal is also out of town, you're not inviting people who won't even be in town because, they're attending your wedding. Or, if you want to mail the invites, do so immediately upon receiving the "yes" for the wedding, but that makes the person have to reply a 2nd time.
This is like one invite after another. I would prefer the call, saying something like, "Since you're traveling to attend our wedding, we would be pleased to have you at our rehearsal dinner." Guests then don't have to worry about that meal while out of town. Very nice of you.
People who can't attend the wedding most likely wouldn't travel to the dinner either. Whatever you choose, best wishes! About calling guests who don't reply to the wedding invitation, not always a bad idea, some do get lost in the mail and maybe were never received. If these people are close to you and; that's why they're invited, you wouldn't want them to miss your wedding if they were able to attend. (03/26/2005)
Keep in mind that this is your wedding not your mother's. Gently remind your mother of that fact and handle the invitations the way you want too. It's not worth getting your future spouse all upset over. She may feel that your mother's wishes are more important than her wishes for her wedding. (03/26/2005)
There is nothing like a wedding to bring out arguments. Try to keep cool. Even better, let you fiancee handle all of the plans, unless your family is putting on the rehearsal dinner. Then let your mother make the calls for her dinner.
A phone call to everyone would not be amiss since people do tend to forget their plans. You could say you are just finalizing the count and making sure who is coming. Then add the rehearsal dinner invite to that call. Then move out of town afterward and get away from both of your families!
I live near London (England) and absolutely LOVE this website. I had never heard of a rehearsal dinner before I started visiting.
We are getting married in 3 weeks. Most of our friends and family live a long way from the wedding. (5 hours in the UK is a long way!) So to ensure people have something to do the night before we are having a "HAG" night in a local hotel. We think of it as a cross between STAG (for him) and HEN (for her.) I'm not sure if this is a custom in the states, but we are inviting those people who have traveled furthest to join us for a couple of drinks and some sandwiches the night before the wedding.
I actually e-mailed the details to people, because I think if they want to be there, they will be, and our wedding will be the BEST day ever. We will be surrounded by those we love, and those who care enough to trek across the country. I have sent e-mails, invitations, text messages, voice mails....almost carrier pigeons and owls (harry potter style) to make sure that out favourite people know about our special day.
Your's will be brilliant. I almost think you should send out the 13 rehearsal invites whatever. It will prompt people to reply, and who knows....they may not be able to make it to your actual wedding day but might put themselves out to come to the rehearsal.
Good luck David, and enjoy the BEST day of your lives.
By Julie UK
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