My dilemma is that my now boyfriend and I have been off and on for the last 7 or 8 years. This year we made it official to be committed to one another. He purchased his home "cash" at an auction on 2012. Although he had his own home, he always wanted to be with me at my home. He suggested once my lease was up to move in with him. I didn't take the offer at first, but once other options didn't work we decided to "fix" his house up.
Then he knew he owed back taxes, but he didn't know how much, so the week I move two years after he purchased his home, he finds out he owes $5300 in back taxes. So now not only did I help pay to make it livable, he now wants me to help pay back taxes. The light and gas are in my name, I pay for all the household living products like soap, toothpaste, toilet paper, cleaning products, etc. I pay my car note and insurance, yet he wants to drive my car and pay nothing on it. He feels because I have 3 children, I should help pay taxes. He doesn't need my money he doesn't cash his checks, so he's sitting on at least 1000.00 a week. So he wants me to pay for food, take him places because he doesn't have a car, clean up behind him, and do his laundry. I will pay something, but don't act like I'm using you, when you suggested I move in and save up $$$. What should I do?
By Cynthia
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Your boyfriend and you have been "on and off" for 7-8 years, but this year made it "official" to be committed to one another". However, it appears that you and your boyfriend do not have an "official" committment about money. Since there is no legal agreement between you both about exactly what the financial responsibilities are in your relationship, it appears he feels quite free to take what he will. It also appears he will continue to do so as long as you continue to accept this situation.
You clearly understand that the financial arrangement as it is now is not acceptable to you. However, it appears that you continue to allow your boyfriend to manipulate the relationship and you to his liking. As long as you let him control your relationship and the unequal money picture, he will continue his behavior.
I strongly suggest you both discuss the financial problems and come to a legal agreement for all income, expenses, savings, etc. If your boyfriend refuses to agree to a discussion and binding legal agreement (with an attorney) regarding your finances, you must make your own decision about continuing the relationship and your own future.
Sounds to me like he's looking for someone to take care of him not only financially but cleaning up after him as well. Surely in the off and on years you must have gotten a hint of what type person he is. I just hope you're not in this relationship for a Father figure for your 3 children because he's not a good one.
Interesting that your boyfriend "didn't know" how much back taxes he owed. You'd think the letters he kept getting in the mail attempting to retrieve these taxes would give him some idea of what the amount was!
Seriously, he had to have known, or at least had a very good idea. He was just waiting until the Money Fairy (YOU) showed up to address the problem. Now, do you think a full-grown man should pay his own back taxes, or at least be paying down on them monthly?
He changed his mind about doing the work on the house right in the middle of getting it done. Well, that leaves you in a fix, doesn't it? You pretty much have to agree to anything he says because you can't simply live in a house that's mid renovation, not with three kids. And now you'll have to "help" pay his friend to do the work. Do you often allow people to put you in situations where you are forced to go along because you have no other choice?
And you're letting him drive your car. Don't you think a full-grown man ought to have his own car, in his own name, with his own insurance? How in the world are two people with three kids using ONE car?
You are behaving in every way as if this man is your minor dependent. Not just any minor dependent- a physically and mentally handicapped minor dependent who can't be expected to learn to do things like keep up with his own financial debt or do his own laundry.
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