My boyfriend wants to move in with me. We have been dating for over a year, we have had many disagreements ranging from exs to finances. If he moves in, he doesn't want to pay 1/2 of utilities since I currently receive child support. Is this fair? Am I expecting too much from him?
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It is clear from your question that financial concerns are only the tip of the iceberg in your relationship. If you cannot come to an agreement about all finances, you should not try cohabiting now.
If you both want to live together, you should consider counseling to work out all problems as they will only complicate your already difficult relationship if your boyfriend moves in.
Really, you two have entirely different expectations. You aren't ready to move in together. Especially if he doesn't understand that child support is for your child only and not meant to subsidize his housing and utilities.
You two will need to get some things straight between you. First of all, will he do his fair share of the housework? What about laundry? Dishes? Cleaning the bathroom? He might say he would , but is his own place always dirty? If he won't clean for one person he won't clean for three.
You know him- does he already expect you to pick up after him? Does he mooch food off you, "borrow" money for gas, and sit around your place a lot? These would be warning signs that living together won't work out.
You'll need to know who is expected to pay which bill. Also, you'll need two good vehicles in working order.
This is important: Never put anything in your name if you couldn't pay it off entirely by yourself with your own money. Many women have learned this the hard way when the boyfriend leaves suddenly. If it's too expensive for just you it's too expensive for both of you.
Congratulations, IMArt, for taking the time to share your concerns. You've obviously given some thought to the entire matter, and that's great. I particularly like the advice from Dinah and Abigail so can't really add much, except to say "if you're fighting now, it's a pretty good indicator of things to come." When you meet the right guy, you will be absolutely amazed at how easy things will be: few if any arguments, similar ideas on sharing chores as well as finances and even parenting.
Think of what you said..."my boyfriend wants to move in with me". You didn't say, "I love my boyfriend so much and he is so good to me and my child, we are thinking about moving in together and sharing the cost of an apartment". Don't play house. You're an adult. Date him, sleep with him, have fun with him, but DON'T move in with him. Trying to undo it will be a nightmare.
Shut the door on this situation. He's using you. There is no good reason for a male to be nit picking. A real man would never do that to you.
If he isn't willing to pay 1/2 the utilities you might have problems getting him to pay other bills which would be 1/2 his responsibility. Don't do it unless you get counseling first or a long talk about sharing responsibilities.
No, you are not expecting too much. In fact, you are expecting far too little. Any man who expects to move in and NOT share half of ALL the expenses related to the home (food, utilities, rent, gas expenses, insurance, etc.) is a moocher. The child support is for your child, and has nothing to do with how much money your boyfriend should contribute to the home. If you had 5 teenage boys chowing down, maybe there might be some justification for not sharing groceries.
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