My boyfriend has lost his home and is livng in a run down rental of his own. I know he is having financial problems, but he doesn't discuss them with me. He doesn't know I know he lost his house. He spends every night at my house and leaves in the morning when I do. He is a licensed realtor, but has not been doing a lot to get any new listings. He has been delivering firewood to make money.I buy all the groceries and pay all the bills, I own the house and pay the mortgage. I have not asked him for any money to cover his half of the food or utilities; I keep waiting for him to offer. I get up in the morning and make coffee and either cook breakfast or have cereal. When I get home from work, I cook dinner.
By Vanessa
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Why would you want to support him, if he isn't making any effort to improve himself by getting real estate listings? As long as he does have a place to live, even if it isn't real nice, why is he staying with you? I realize times are hard, but there is a reason he is in the situation he is in. It sounds like you are both old enough to realize that he isn't going to get better, as long as you are willing to take care of him.
My goodness, I am sure that you know better than to support someone who makes no/little effort to take care of themselves or to pay their own way to the best of their ability. Shame on you for allowing this behavior to continue.
Figure out what half the costs are, including the mortgage, as if you were in a rental, he'd have to pay half, and then just sit down, the sooner the better, and say "We need to talk about our living arrangements. Here is what it costs to run this house, and so your share should be $. And, while we are on the topic, we need to talk about equally dividing up the chores. "
And then make him agree to do half. Don't let him get away with agreeing to do half, and then never doing them, or doing them so poorly that you end up doing them over. Insist that he live up to the agreement.
If this is a problem, better to find out now than later. If he gets mad and moves out, you've had a lucky escape. If he gets mad and refuses or makes a bunch of excuses, kick him out, and you have had a lucky escape. If he agrees, then you are golden.
You can not let him take advantage of you as you have been doing. I am sure you are not well enough off to be able to afford a gigolo!
Hi- I believe you need to a take long hard look at this relationship as it seems you are doing ALL the giving with very little in return.
From what you have stated it appears the way your boyfriend is acting is his "normal" self and may not see any reason to change - even if moving out is the choice.
Take a look at what you are getting out of this and decide if you are satisfied or if you love him enough to live like this or are you just afraid of living alone (without this boyfriend)? Relationships like this do not seem to last over time or just as long as you are willing to let him "do his thing" and do not make any waves.
Hopefully you have a confident (that does not gossip & can keep a secret) that you could be very truthful with and maybe get an unbiased opinion? Being truthful with yourself (looking at all the pros and cons) may help you make some decisions that are yours alone to make.
Please go back and read what you wrote.
How can a Realtor have no house unless he wants it that way? Seems like he finds living with you more convenient. After all, you are his "maid"- with benefits! You do his cooking, his cleaning, and on top of everything you foot the bill!
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