Young Teens Dating

Just yesterday my son told me he asked a girl out and she told him yes. I don't think he should date a girl at this age. He is 14 years old.

Gigi from Paris, France

Answers:

Young Teens Dating

I don't know how things work in Paris, France. But in Alabama when a boy comes home and says that about a girl (or vise versa), what he means is they are "going together", not physically "going out". Fourteen year olds couldn't "go out" anyway without an adult to act as a facilitator, to either drive them somewhere, drop them off somewhere, provide money for food, movie, etc.

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So if you are opposed to that kind of thing, don't facilitate. "Going together" or "going steady" at this age is usually more cute than serious, and the more fuss made about it, the bigger an issue it becomes in the eyes of the kids. The most important thing is that they be supervised properly and given loving guidance about appropriate behavior and respect for each other. Good luck. (12/19/2006)

By Tripleb

Young Teens Dating

I agree that 14 is too young, but to help him gracefully, tell him he may go to a movie with her, if you escort them by driving and sitting somewhere in the theatre where you can see them without making them too uncomfortable. Another option would be for him to invite her over to your home for a meal. (12/19/2006)

Young Teens Dating

At 14 it isn't going to last 5 minutes so I wouldn't object. However I would make sure he knows the facts of life and knows how to use condoms. Kids do have sex at this age and 14 is old enough to get a girl pregnant. It would be ignorant to pretends otherwise. I wouldn't encourage or condone the relationship, but I wouldn't make a fuss either. 14 is about right for beginning to be interested in dating and as long as he is going to school and keeping up with his work and his extra curricular hobbies then its part of growing up. Think back to when you were 14.

(12/20/2006)

By Carol

Young Teens Dating

Take the time to talk honestly to your teen, if they will, and tell them that you are aware of how much the corrupt world pulls at them, encouraging wrong things like dating too early. Remind them that they can learn to be best of friends for a long while, before considering private times with each other as they get older and are outside of the presence of a parent. It would be wise to remind them to keep things wholesome, daytime activities, sharing all sorts of things, games, sports, family picnics, hikes, dinners, cookouts, album making, scrapbooking, reading together and to each other, family video nights with great snacks, etc.

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Create a wonderful set of boundaries, if you haven't yet:

  • Keep all doors open.
  • Stay within eyesight and earshot of family members.
  • Share in family conversations, problems, and solutions.
  • Find common interests that are more in home.
  • Get to know each others' parents well.
  • Spend time sitting on the porches, patios, and in the family room.
  • Challenge them to puzzles, non-electric newer games.
  • Provide family time at the library, with ice cream afterward.
  • Turn off the TV and get into a project together.
  • Bring other friends and have afternoon times and creative foods and drinks that are non-carbonated.
  • Find the good in each other, discuss how that happened, and from whom they learned it.
  • Discuss beliefs, right or wrong, and best and worse times of their life, pet names, etc.

Should either teen not be too happy about these ideas, wanting to pull off into silence, into the dark,
go out with others at night, not talk to "parents", become silent or sulky, then this is a red flag for the relationship. It is worthy of private discussion as to the appropriate solutions and options according to the family values and boundaries you are setting. Let the friend know that you are friendly, but firm, kind but alert, and that is what you expect of them both.

God bless you for considering that something must be done quickly. Hope this helps. God bless you.
(12/20/2006)

By Lynda

Young Teens Dating

Be sure to ask where he is taking her, and make sure that you are their driver and can monitor things a bit. I was pretty young for my first date, but it was on a church hayride and picnic. My son took his "girlfriend" fishing with us. I would not let him take her anywhere with other kids and no chaperone. After all, this is a learning experience for him and you. Hope all turns out well. Keep in mind that you are the mom and that his best interests are at heart. (12/20/2006)

By Margie M.

Young Teens Dating

Be careful that you don't read too much into this. Sometimes going out at this age means hanging out together at lunch at school or having someone to talk to of the opposite sex. They have a ready made partner at the school dance. This is a natural first step to actually dating. I know there are kids that are beyond this stage at this age, but if this is your son's first girlfriend than it is all probably innocent.

As stated by others, at this age they need help getting around and you can always be the one to be there for your son to guide him. I know I was shocked when my oldest daughter came home one day and asked me if she could have a boyfriend. She was 12 at the time. My first instinct was to say no you are too young until I asked her what she meant by having a boyfriend. I relaxed after her answer.

I have two beautiful daughters in their 20s that are both seriously dating wonderful young men. Maybe you should talk to your son before you assume anything and take it from there. Good luck with the parenting thing with teenagers. (12/20/2006)

By Connie from Canada

Young Teens Dating

First I want to say that I started dating my now husband when I was only 13 years old, I am now 32 years old and have been married for 12 years. When I started "dating" him it meant just hanging out at school or visits at each others homes that were supervised. We were allowed to go to a local roller skating rink with my younger brother along to watch. We all know how they love to tattle. My advise would be to just watch what activities they do and make sure you are comfortable with the plan. You never know how serious this could eventually be. My husband and I "broke up" quite a few times to date other people, but always came back to each other. Let him enjoy this youthful time. (12/20/2006)

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By Guest

Young Teens Dating

I think you should let your son do what he wants, but warn him about certain things. I am 28 and started dating when I was 12 and I don't think anything was wrong with it. Don't be worried if they start kissing, but if they get to "second base" you should have a serious talk with your son. But don't separate them or you will lose all trust and respect from your son. (01/01/2009)

By taco

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