Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

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RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Two years ago, a dear friend was losing her mother to cancer. Her mom was weak and had not eaten in days. The only food her mother thought sounded worth eating was peach pie. I knew this was something I could do for both of them. Despite it being January in Iowa, I managed to find peaches that were as close to fresh as you could get. That peach pie was the last thing she ate before she crossed over. I thought I was just making a pie, little did I know at the time what an impact it would have.

My friend has often said it is now one her most cherished memories. It gave her mother a joyous reminder of a time long ago when she as a child would help her mother make pies. This was also the last conversation Sheri and her mother had together.

I guess what ever it is you decide to give, it only has to be from the heart and perhaps remind them of a happy moment in time.

Post by Grandma Bears

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Here are some suggestions for a tender and heartfelt time for both of you:
Books on tape..spiritual titles..positive affirmations.
Burn Cd's of all his favorite music. He will really enjoy this.
Make a scrapbook of the best of times..he'll love looking through it!
Grattitude journal. So he can record his thoughts and experiences at this time. Reflect on his thoughts of those who surround him with love and support.
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kamal
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Home Based Business -Home Based Business

Post by rockymeet

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

All of you have such wonderful ideas, and I'm hoping that you can help me with this very difficult and sad time. My oldest sister has just recently married the man of her dreams and they have planned the most wonderful life together. And now tragedy has struck their lives. He has been diagnosed with cancer and has been given about 6 months to live. My sister has struggled throughout her life with many different life trials, including the loss of an infant, but I believe this is going to be the most difficult trial yet.

If any of you can think of a thoughtful gift for her husband as he battles this horrific disease, and something for my sister, who will watch him and be there for him, but I'm sure will tear her apart as well, I would be forever grateful. They live several hundred miles away, so any and all ideas, especially those that involve participation of others, would be greatly appreciated.

All of you have such wonderful, heartwarming stories of the love that has been shown by you and to you and your loved ones, I am so glad I discovered this website.

I wish all of you happiness with your loved ones, whether they have moved on or are still fighting the battle.

Post by Myrleen

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

For my 50th birthday I was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer, so for Christmas that year my dad and his wife prepared a "picture biography" of my life entitled "Kathy, the first 50 years". It included photos of me and my family (some humorously photo shopped), newspaper articles, artwork and a fictitious foreword by my fictitious grandson in the year 2039 noting my many remarkable accomplishments (also fictitious!). It was one of the most thoughtful gifts ever! (P.S. I'm still alive and kicking, 4 years later!)

Post By Kathy (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Wow, what a fantastic site. I googled this quite flippantly not expecting to find much, and this was the first site I looked at. My Dad was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer just 1 year ago. Radiotherapy worked well and my parents had a fantastic summer. However just 3 months ago things took a turn for the worse and he is now in hospital with very little time left. Although we expected it at some stage the expediency has shocked us to the core. I had bought a jokey Christmas present which would have previously been suitable. When I googled this site I was at a complete loss as to what to get him for Christmas.

He has not had a stroke so does not have the manual dexterity for an mp3 player (he is 55!!!) so cannot download his favourite music. The steroids have made him hugely overweight so chocolate not a good idea. He is on so much medication that his favourite alcohol is not the best option. Very quickly into reading these posts I realised that a collage of photographs of his loved ones is the way to go. He has a wife, 2 children and 3 grandchildren along with a host of siblings, neices and nephews. I like the blanket idea of placing pictures onto a blanket and getting people to write messages, but I only have 4 days to pull this together. I have read the posts with interest and have been inspired. I hope my post helps others..... family, friends and love is the most important thing in the world, and memories are so strong.

Think I will write a letter too. Thank you to everybody for their posts which have helped me. xxx

Post By Ang (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Wow, what a fantastic site. I googled this quite flippantly not expecting to find much, and this was the first site I looked at. My Dad was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer just 1 year ago. Radiotherapy worked well and my parents had a fantastic summer. However just 3 months ago things took a turn for the worse and he is now in hospital with very little time left. Although we expected it at some stage the expediency has shocked us to the core.

I had bought a jokey Christmas present which would have previously been suitable. When I googled this site I was at a complete loss as to what to get him for Christmas. He has not had a stroke so does not have the manual dexterity for an mp3 player (he is 55!) so cannot download his favourite music. The steroids have made him hugely overweight so chocolate not a good idea. He is on so much medication that his favourite alcohol is not the best option.

Very quickly into reading these posts I realized that a collage of photographs of his loved ones is the way to go. He has a wife, 2 children and 3 grandchildren along with a host of siblings, nieces and nephews. I like the blanket idea of placing pictures onto a blanket and getting people to write messages, but I only have 4 days to pull this together. I have read the posts with interest and have been inspired.

I hope my post helps others..... family, friends and love is the most important thing in the world, and memories are so strong. Think I will write a letter too. Thank you to everybody for their posts which have helped me. xxx

Post By Ang (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

My father was dying at Christmas time. My brothers and sisters, our spouses and all 10 grandchildren gathered photos and wrote endearing loving messages to him. We made a simple tie knot blanket of fleece on one side and cotton fabric on the other. Using photo transfer iron on paper, the images and sayings were transferred onto the blanket. In his dying days, he was covered in the warmth of his family. It was a conversation piece for all who visited him and for the staff who cared for him. When he died 13 days later, wrapped in his family blanket, he was cremated and buried in it.

Post By susan (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

This post is really directed at people with partners and spouses. I have a friend whose husband has been suffering acute, aggressive MS for 15 years and could really have died at any stage over the past 8 years. Every Christmas, every birthday, every anniversary, in fact every day, is special because there may not be tomorrow. She has been doing it tough and I have tried hard to work out what to give as a gift when he is unable to eat or drink anything, has no controllable movement, and yet his mind is still very alert in a body that can't express anything.

I can't just give a gift to her as they are a couple still and she looks after him every day. They were always a very passionate couple, prior to the onset of the MS, so I decided to give a present of chocolate & strawberry body paints. She loves chocolate and he would still get some benefit from it! Well, he may not be able to speak, but the sparkle in his eyes when she told him what the gift was, was more than enough to tell me that I had chosen the right gift.

I just had to remember that, even when faced with very few tomorrows and very great physical restrictions, the essential human qualities and need for expression of love remains.

Post By Fei Angel (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I found this website because I am an 'Angel Buddy' for someone who has terminal cancer. I also have been looking for ideas for this individual, who I really don't even know so well.

It's a little off topic, but I encourage all of you dealing with any cancer related treatment to check out the website http://www.chemoangels.com . It is a fabulous organization filled with volunteers to support those undergoing cancer treatment.

I hope this information is helpful to someone else.

Chemo Angel Lori

Post By Lori (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

My best friend of 10 years has been given a year to live. She has cancer in her brain. It's her 50th next week and I don't know what to get her. She's amazing and i'm going to miss her so much. Nothing that I think to buy seems appropriate.
Reading these entries has made me cry and I still don't know what I can get her!
Lots of love to all of you who have/are facing the prospect of losing someone you love.

Post By Tracey Field (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

My grandma is dying and I am flying to see her tomorrow. I plan to get a digital photo frame loaded with family photos that can be viewed near her bed. We did this when my mother-in-law was recovering from a broken hip and she absolutely loved it. I also like the idea of a guardian angel of some sort.

Post By WB (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

My husband is dying from a Grade 4 Glioblastoma multiforme (Very Malignant) brain tumor. His birthday will be 5/24 and I have planned ALL of our family and friends over for a cookout, alcohol, games and music! That is what he said he wanted, was to have all his family and friends over to celebrate his Bday! So, that is what I am going to do! We can all celebrate the life of a wonderful man, regarded as a great friend, wonderful husband and father, and just an all around special man!

Editor's Note: What a wonderful idea. Celebrate his life!

Post By Linda from PA (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I have a friend who has battled breast cancer for 6 years, she is 36 years old and is in her final stages. She is at home in a hospital bed, I wanted to get her something but not sure what. Started thinking about that hospital bed she is in, plain white sheets, regular pillows. I though she is spending so much time in that bed, why not make it pretty, so I went out and bought some colorful sheets and the matching throw pillow for her to rest her arm on. It meant so much to her, not only that she is still worthy of receiving a gift but also something that will remind her someone cares and will brighten her days.

Post By sc (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I lost my Dad a year ago to liver cancer. It was a long battle, we had about 18months, knowing that it could be anytime. I wrote him long descriptive letters talking to him about everything: things I remembered about my childhood and our experiences and what I appreciated about him. I let him know what a great job he did raising me and how everything he had given me made me "ready" for him to leave. I also, got the chance to read my eulogy to him. He LOVED it and while it was hard, I loved that he got to hear-in person, what I was going t say about him. I gave pictures. For Halloween, the kids all dressed up in Superman costumes for him and took a picture--we called him our superman(scar of an S on his chest and everything).

Post By Enter your name. (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

My mother is dying of lung cancer. Her birthday is today. I purchased a book from Hallmark entitled, "Legacy of a Mother". This book has hundreds of questions about what it was like for them growing up, favorite memory of their childhood, etc. My mom loved it. She is working on several questions a day with my dad. When I visit, I will also write in the book. These memories are happy for her.

Also, my church makes blankets for people who are dying. The blanket has large white blocks. Every person in the church that wants to participate, puts their hands in various colors of paint, and then they place their hands on a block. They write their name with a permanent marker. After all the hands are dry, a quilt is made from the squares. The top of the blanket can say all of these hands are praying for you or wrapped in love. The church has sent my mom 30 birthday cards. She reads them everyday and has saved all the cards for about 2 years.

Post By Jana (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

My family and I are really having a difficult time deciding on a gift for my sister's up and coming marriage. It wouldn't be so difficult if it wasn't for the fact that her intended has terminal lung cancer. His time left is short but he really wanted to do this for my sister. If anyone has an idea for a thoughtful gift, I would really love to hear it. Thanks.

Post By Guest MW (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

When my Mother was passing she moved in with me at least 2 hours away from her good friends and support groups. It was the middle of winter and extremly difficult place for older people to travel to. So I contacted her circle of golf friends, and womens leagues and family and asked all of them to write her a letter telling her what she has meant to them. I put the letters together in a scrap book with all the photos of her with them, and she loved it. She read it everyday, made phone calls when she could and felt they were with her during her final days. THe book was with her when she died, and now resides in my home, when I feel horrible and down that I miss her so much, I pick up the book and know how much she was loved.

Post By KLB (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

My father was diagnosed with bile duct cancer in late Aug. 2007. It spread to his liver. He died Christmas eve in my mothers arms. Two weeks before I bought him some comfortable pajamas that he asked for and I gave them to him then rather than wait till Christmas day. I'm glad i did. It was hard for me to talk with him face to face to tell him how much I loved him so i decided to write a letter. In it I wrote about my first memories of him and all the wonderful things over the years that we shared together as father and son. At first i thought I would give it to him for Christmas but thank goodness I gave it to him two weeks early. It was a very hard letter to write emotionally but it was the best gift I could have ever given my dad. After he read it he told me that it was the best letter he ever read in his life. At the wake, I put a copy of it inside his coat, right by his heart.

Editor's Note: Vincent, So sorry to hear about your loss. Please accept our sincere condolences to yourself and your family. Thanks for sharing your story. - Susan

Post By vincent (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I actually just learned that my dad was terminal, so I made him a www.shutterfly.com Calendar and used pictures of nature that he actually took. I will tell him that I would like him to keep flipping the calendar months over and be encouraged to keep living the best life he can before he gets really sick! I hope he likes it....I was going to do photos of his life, but I don't want Christmas morning to be a sob-fest so I went with some uplifting.

Post By Nicole (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

A piece of art work for the garden like an illuminary.
plant a tree
name a star

Post By Maris Miles (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Reading all of these posts has been therapeutic for me. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer that has metastisized to her brain and adrenal gland. She is 83 and my dad is 85. This has completely knocked us off our feet, especially my dad. I too have been agonizing over what would be meaningful to give both my parents. I also have been searching for the right literature to help me and my sisters deal with this. Thank you to all of you. I am sorry for all of your losses and grief. Please know that thru your grief you have helped me deal with mine and given me some wonerful ideas for a gift.

Post By Sue (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Hello
My father is dying from oesophageal cancer and lung cancer. He was given three months to live back in August but is still with us through his own grit and determination not to give up.
He is moving in with us this week and I too have been wondering what to buy him for Christmas. He loved gardening and his garden and hanging baskets were always the envy of the neighbours. I have a tiny back yard and I have decided for his Christmas present I am going to fill it with as many colourful plants as possible given the time of year. I have a set of coloured lights already strung up and I am going to get my children (his Grandchildren) to make a large "Merry Christmas Granddad" banner to hang up. Hopefully not only will this be an apt Christmas present but on days when he is exhausted and confined to his chair he will look out of the window and see some bright and beautiful plants and flowers that may bring a smile to his face. Love you Dad xxx Sal
P.S Hope this may help some of you in the same position

Post by Sal B

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

My wife is dying of cancer to and was wondering the same thing. I'm thinking of hiring Christmas carolers to come to the house or a special party. I'm thinking of something thats not material but visual and something she is very involved in. A celebration of life party or scrapbook or videos if you have them. How about a "this is your life" gathering. Its hard. Hang in there.

Editor's Note: Take care, we'll keep your wife in our thoughts and prayers.

Post By gus (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I have a friend who is dying rapidly of cancer. She says she is cold a lot. A group of her friends and co-workers have purchased a quilt with a lot of blank spaces in the pattern. We will all write something on it - either funny or uplifting, or jsut say we love her.

Some of us recently did the same for another co-worker who was dealing with grief after losing her sister, her father, and her grandson. She cherishes it.

Post By Jo (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

My father is also dying of cancer. He is in his final stages. I am distraught. He is now at the point where he can really only lay down in his recliner all day. He is on so much pain medication. He has no appetite. I live halfway across the country from him. I went to visit, but they don't want visitors ... not for long. So as his birthday approaches, it is very tough to know what to get him.

He doesn't eat much; not anymore. He has trouble keeping food down and isn't hungry. Food gifts wouldn't work.

I have written and given him a letter telling him how much I love him and why; and he has read it. It was a very long letter ... he liked it. It took a couple of months to persuade him to read it, but he finally did.

My father would be very upset if we were to ask him to "record" his memoirs for us; he would see it as morbid when he was well enough to do it, and now that he is too sick, he is too sick to even hold a 5-minute phone conversation.

They are giving away as many possessions as possible.

Music? No. He brought his music to me. (He gave me all of his old phonographic albums.)

Movies? No. He hallucinates and falls asleep and cannot stay lucid.

I disagree with whomever stated that everything should be said, no matter how uncomfortable; get some professional advice from a hospice worker who is well-trained and they will tell you not everything needs to be said. There is no need to drag up unpleasant memories which would be unproductive. Focus on the good things; tell your loved one what they mean to you; not on the bad things. If you have something unresolved, by all means, talk about it. That would be bringing up something that you are trying to resolve; and that is fine. But do not bring up something that you know will have no resolution.

As my father's birthday nears, I like Carlin's suggestion of a crystal rock garden. I live far away, but I may see if I can find one and ship it to him.

For those who mention things like viewing on a computer screen, he is beyond that now. He cannot go to his computer. He cannot read; he is not very lucid due to his many medications.

As for a door-to-door massage, he would hate having a stranger in his home; he barely tolerates hospice; so giving him the gift of a massage would not be the right gift for him. He also cannot write; his handwriting has gotten quite shaky. Although perhaps I would try to give him a journal as someone suggested, but honestly I do not think he is able to write.

So, I am back to the crystal rock garden idea. I really like it, if I can find one. Thank you, Carlin, for that wonderful idea.

Post By Elizabeth (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Wow - i just googled "what is a good gift for someone who is Dying" and found this wonderful and touching string of posts. Even though the original post is several years old, there are so many heartfelt and wonderful ideas in here. I have a friend/colleague who has had cancer for 15 years, but seems to be in the terminal stages of her cancer now and it is so hard to know what to say or do (I am much younger than her so have not dealt with the death of friends before). She works for the US Government and we are having a major award ceremony for her in a week or so honoring her for her lifetime of service in often dangerous conditions. We are compiling a list of stories about how she has both touched our lives personally and professionally and are going to present this to her along with this very presitigous award. She knows that she is getting this word and is very excited. I am only mentioning this because for many people colleagues at work are in some ways nearly as important as other friends and family and I think that this will be a special and fitting tribute for our dear colleague.

Post By workfriend (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying -

There are many excellent books where terminally ill people can fill out questions and info about themselves. A couple of titles " The Story of a Lifetime" - "Mom,Share your Life with Me" - "All about me" -" My Life, a Collection of Memories".
My best friend of 23yrs is terminally ill with 3 young children. She is so afraid her children will not remember her, and these will never replace her ever..but they will help add some love and comfort to her children in the following years and makes her feel good to be able to leave something of herself behind for them as well.
Best Wishes to you all.

Post By CB (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

This is such an old post, but maybe someone else could benefit from this suggestion. Remember that the last sense a dying person loses, is his hearing. Right at the end, one could speak softly and read according to the dying person's convictions. If he is a Christian, read appropriate passages from the Bible and also pray. Make sure that the body is comfortable and well cared for; that is also a way of showing love and dignity.

Post By Willem (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

You could buy him a star and name it for him.
It's $54.00
http://www.starregistry.com

Post By serena (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Buy a crystal growing kit from a science/hobby store. Prepare the solutions then place them on a decorative dish with appropriate ribbons etc for sitting next to the bed or chair. As the days pass the beautiful colored crystals will begin to form, grow and change providing a wonderful and meditative object. This is good for people forced to ponder their mortality daily and helps to illustrate a sense of passing time and natural cycle to them. A similar concept to giving potted, living, flowering plants except that once grown the crystals last forever. This a comforting thought for the dying and many people become quite attached to their crystals. My elderley neighbour requested that her beautiful violet crystal rocks be buried with her which they were. I hope this idea brings joy to someone else out there too.

Post By Carlin (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I have a grandfather that is dying and we were trying to think of something to take to him. He is so afraid of not making it to heaven and is very afraid of dying so my sister and I thought that a guardian angel, coin, pendant or pin of any sort would be great for anyone, whether they are comfortable or not with the idea of dying. Hope this helps and god bless all of you.

Post By Jennifer M (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Let me first start off by saying that I know exactly what you are going through. My father too has been diagnosed with terminal pulmonary fibrosis, and I have been wondering the same thing. Of course, material things are the first things we think about, but at this point, they are pretty, if not very, useless. What I will be doing is spend as much time with him as I can, play cards, take his mind off death for as long as he is capable of doing so. I will also be buying him a journal, where he can write us letter and whatever he wants, so that we can cherish it forever. I find it very hard not to cry at the very thought of losing him...he was there my whole life...he was the one stable thing at times in my life, and now, he's "packing up" to leave for good and won't even have a phone number. Funny how we sometimes take people we love so much for granted. I don't know how much time he has left, God only knows, but I hope that we will all have the time that both we, and he, need to spend with each other to enjoy him fully.

God bless and may this journey be as smooth as it can possibly be.

Post By Nathan (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Don't buy anything for your Dad. Write out all of your memories that you have of your Dad and give that to him. I didn't do this for my Dad when he was alive but as a tribute to him at his funeral. I only wish I had done this sooner. Everyone but my Dad knows how much I loved him and how proud I was of him.

Post By brizaksmommy (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I just want to say thank you for posting your story and questions on this website. Yesterday, I found out that my grandma is terminally ill with lung cancer as well. I bought her a gift certificate to a new casino in town for Christmas. Of course, now I know she will not be able to use nor is there the meaningfullness in it that I really want to give. I came online to find something meaningful to give to my grandma this Christmas and I found a lot of answers in these replies. Thank you for posting your story, I hope it has helped you as it has helped me and I'm sure others. I wish you and your family peace, laughter, love and closeness during this difficult time and always. I will be thinking and praying for your family constantly as I go through a similar hardship with my family. God bless you all. Your heart sounds as though it is in a very loving place and God will guide you from there. Take care of yourself and God Bless you.

Post By Christine (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Someone mentioned a similar idea, but to give specifics-- when my father was dying, I called/wrote/emailed all his friends and relatives and asked them each to send in writing a speciall memory they associated with him. The response was tremendous -- I found out more about my father than I ever knew; he appreciated that people even from his school days remembered him. Some sent old photographs, too. When he could no longer hold the letters to read them, I read them into a cassette recorder that he played constantly. The good memories really cheered him in his final days.

Post By guest (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Let me just say I'm very sorry about your dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I just lost my sister this past Wednesday, Dec. 15th to cancer and we had the funeral today. Its very painful to know I'll never see her again, hear her laughter, listen to her storys, etc. I do not envy what your going to have to go through. I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions, I just wanted to let you know that I understand what your going through right now. Sit and talk to your dad, I think that spending time with him is the most important thing you can do for him right now. Listen to him, let him talk about anything he wants to talk about and very important is for you to take care of yourself. God be with you both.

Post By Mysticdream44 (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Thank you all for your suggestions and especially for your thoughts and prayers at this time. I did not mention this on my first post, but we ( my dad and our family) are Christians. So, we do have much peace and comfort in knowing where he is going. But it still is a very painful time as it is very hard to let go. I lost my mom when I was 16 ( I am now 31) and I think this is harder because the older we get the more we seem to appreciate our parents. I also have 3 young children and I feel bad for them too, losing their grandpa. I also have a wonderful step mom who has only been married to my dad for 14 1/2 years, so I feel so sorry for her too. Anyway, I have already given my dad a letter expressing how much I love and appreciate him. Also, I went to a Christian Book Store and found a book for him "Dying with Grace", which I want to give him for Christmas along with a bookmark and little framed pics of my kids. I really like the idea of getting him to tell of his life experiences and tape them...I just don't know if he would be up for that. We'll see. Thanks again everyone.

Post by shaaksma

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I'd like to say first that you and yours will be in my prayers, and I'd like to make a suggestion, but where I don't know you or the situation personally, I'm hesitant. Years ago I lost my mom to cancer, and when she was ill, people wrote her letters thanking and telling her the wonderful influence she'd been on them, and what they'd learned from her. There were some very touching letters, some funny that had great remembrances. The letters meant a lot to my mom, and now that she's gone, it means so much to me having those letters because it captured a part of her that as her daughter I never saw. May God bless you during this pain and stressful time.

Post by StarfishGirl

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I know what you are going through right now. I'm sorry for what you are facing. I lost my younger sister (57) to cancer and 9 months later my mother to cancer also. One thing they both enjoyed was back rubs with lotion that had been warmed and also warm thin blankets and throws. ( Put them in the dryer for a few minutes)The hospital has blanket warmers, but showed me how to make small warmers for feet,neck & arms etc. Take a folded terry towel wrap it in one of the bed protectors with the cloth side out,tape it shut with paper tape and put in the microwave for a minute or two, you check to see when it is warm, not to hot. They can be used over and over, when they need to be changed just make another one. Another thing you can do is make fruit smoothies, milk shakes or malteds.To help keep him interested in food,give him things he likes best. Serve tiny amounts, most people when ill do not like large helpings, you can always give him seconds.Take him for a drive if he is able. Read to him. Ask if he wants the daylight bright or does he like the drapes drawn for a nap.My sister liked to feed the bluejays peanuts from her hand when she was still able. She also liked to blow bubbles outside to see the rainbows of color.The bird feeders were fun for her too. Puzzles were a good way to get her mind off her illness. And she loved listening to her favorite San Jose Shark games on radio. Ask his friends to send him cards or notes, phone calls and SHORT visits.Maybe play a card game with him. Ask him if there is someone he wants letters sent to. And most of all get help from Hospice and visiting nurses.
Caretakers get worn out fast and need to recharge their energy. And uninterupted sleep for a few nights will help very much. Does he like flowers? A rose bush or dwarf fruit tree planted where he can look at it would be nice. Also a dish garden of mixed green plants with a few colorful silk flowers added would be nice for indoors.Or a flowering plant, like Azalias or some other not to fragrant plant. Watching old movies,Westerns, Abbot and Costello, Red Skelton and yes The Three stooges if he enjoyed them. The 99 cent stores have old movies and TV shows now on CD's like Andy Griffin,Lucy ETC. Laughter really is the best medicine. I hope some of this has helped.
Charish the time you have with him now.
May God keep all of you in His hand.
Great granny Hugs,Vi

Post by Great Granny Vi

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I empathize with you about your Dad's illness. I also have lost my Dad to cancer and my Mom to a cardiac arrest.
In the time we had Dad, while he was ill, there were special things that helped make life easier. The lounge seat that allows you to sit up comfortably in bed. A wonderful foot massage as often as you can to keep the blood circulating. When people come to visit him or when you know he needs your strength, hold his hand. You will feel the strength flowing between you. At all times remember his dignity and respect his wishes. If he choses to talk about things, be always ready to listen. If he doesn't want to discuss certan things, respect his wishes.Let him know you love him as often as you can.
Hang a birdhouse outside of his window.

Try to keep him at home if you can. He will be happier in his home.

There is a book" Life after Life" which my Dad had and I have it now. It may be a comfort.

If he is comotose and you are talking near hm, check his eyes with a smaller flashlight. If he reacts to the light, know that he can hear what you are saying.

Try to ensure that your Mom is with him when he passes. Also his family who are able to be with him.

Make his remaining time special by talking or doing things that make him forget his illness for a while.

Take Mom out even if she says no as she will need to energize and get some fresh air.

The biggest gift is yourself. As far as a gift that is material, chat with him about what he wishes he had right now. Ad a pair of comfortable pyjamas to the gift and comfy socks and sign it with all the love in your heart.

Post By Bev (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Give of yourself. Make a book or just a note of the things he has done for you in your life and if you have pictures use them too. A book of memories of his life time. Just a thank you from you for what he has done for you. God Bless you and yours.

Post By Pat Turnage (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Here are several ideas: 1. A body massage, some therapists will come to the recipients home, 2. A CD of his favorite music or nature sounds with a personal CD player, 3. a contribution to his church or favorite charity, 4. A short trip to his favorite vacation spot if he is up to it, 5. Books on tape, 6. comfortable lounging clothing (jogging pants, etc.) and most important - YOUR UNDIVIDED TIME AND ATTENTION

Post By St. Pete Ken (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

The idea of the pictures is a great one. We did this for an anniversary - we just put about 50 family pictures in the order we wanted them and brought them to a local photo place. They put them on VHS and DVD for us and added a soundtrack.

Another idea that costs less, is to find a special picture of you and your father together, maybe from when you were a child, and frame it. Then write a letter telling about your memory of that occaision and why it is special to you.

Post By Lynn (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I am very sorry about your Dad. When my Dad was in the hospice and only had a couple of months left, we celebrated his birthday and Father's Day. I made a "memory box" for him that he really loved. I found out later he shared it with all of the nurses and others in the hospice. '

I would write a special memory on a 3 x 5 card and attach it to something that symbolized the memory. Sometimes it would be a very small item and I put it in a little ziploc bag and stapled it to the card. For example, I had a locket he had given me for Christmas when I was a young girl. The memory was of our many wonderful Christmases together. I also put a peanut in a baggie, because it brought back memories of him teaching me to drive and he was sitting in the passenger seat eating peanuts calmly while I made all of the mistakes of a new driver. There were about a dozen things -- when I started to brainstorm a list of memories, a bunch came to mind -- then I thought of a little something that would be symbolic of the memory. He really loved the gift, and kept saying "I don't know how you remembered all of these things!"

Post By Karen (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

First, I am sorry to hear about your father - May you and your family find comfort at this time.

My recommendation is for you and your family to record your father's history. Get him to talk about his childhood and experiences. Tape this for your siblings (if any) and for your children (if any). Record his memories and his thoughts. A history of your father will be a great keepsake for the future generations in your family. Talking to the love one that is dying, brings comfort. People have a hard time talking about death - help your father with this, one of the greatest gifts you can give him and yourself. Now is the time to discuss what funeral arrangements will be needed and want his final wishes are to be!

Post by ChildlikeGrownup

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Professional photographs of the different family members have been well received. They have a lot of time to think of their final demise ... but seeing family and friends can be very comforting to them.

Post By syd (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

First, please let me say how sorry I am that your
dad has been diagnosed as being terminally ill.
My prayers are with him and you and all of your
family. Since I don't know your convictions, please
let me apologize in advance for any unintended
distress I may cause, but I have found wonderful
comfort in the books of Sylvia Browne, James van
Praagh and John Edward. They all describe the
Greater Life to come, and tell what to expect when
this physical existence ends. Perhaps if you could
request them from the library, you and your dad
could have uplifting and comforting conversations
about the Other Side. I know it was a great help
to my sister and me when we were facing the pass-
ing of our parents. Please know that you're in my
thoughts and prayers.

Post by Janet45101

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Whether you give these for Christmas or not, they can be very useful.
In the Checklist of Life: A Working Book to Help You Live & Leave Life by Lynn McPhelimy
Before It's Too Late : Don't Leave Your Loved Ones Unprepared by Emily Oishi
All Together Now: Records, Instructions and Wishes for Those You Love by Alan D. Schultz
Everything Your Heirs Need to Know, 3E by David S. Magee
(He will not need all of them, of course---one of them should do.)
All are available at Amazon.com.

I would also get him his favorite foods.

God be with you in this difficult time.

Post By Darren (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

Lots and lots of your time and love. Also time off for his primary caregiver (your mom?) so she can recharge , too. He will appreciate knowing she is looked after, too.

Post By Linda (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.

I would buy him anything that will be comfortable for him. Lounge pants, a nice tray to keep next to his bed for his things/meds, really soft slippers, a quality robe, a journal to vent and soothing music. Which ever applies.

You may want to contact a hospice to find what they find works best. They can also advise what will be uplifting. You want his time left to be lived as fully as possible.

These will be tough times, but he's alive now. Enjoy him. Tell him everything so nothing is left unsaid no matter HOW uncomfortable.

You might want to start recording his memories of his youth, family and his favorite times with you. I pray strength for this journey and comfort for your soul.

Post By Fran Marie (Guest Post)

RE: Gift Ideas for Someone That is Dying

I would suggest looking through your pictures, scan them and they can be shown on a DVD or on a computer screen. SHowing them this way is wonderful and heart wrenching. I am doing it for my family and I can say as a nurse that your Dad would love to go back and relive these days. Kids at local high school could help if you asked their computer teacher or someone from your church. I expect you want to begin soon. GOod luck.

Post By notetotel (Guest Post)

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