Splitting Bills with Spouse

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RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

This is no joke. I pay 100% of my income to the family. The wife cannot get her arms around my frustration at being so close to overdrawing my account.

Post By Noah K. (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

This is a sore subject with couples everywhere not just here. My SIL and husband have separate checking accounts and pay different bills. They say it works for them and they don't fight anymore. Money issues was all they argued about so I guess it works for some. But I am married 40 yrs and we pool all the finances. My hubby gets $50 a week for gas etc (he works close),and he even manages to save some.

I keep no allowance for myself. We get groceries at Walmart and Sav A Lot I get gas when needed but we dont smoke or drink so not a lot
of extra is needed. We make one trip a week to grocery shop and if we need more then we keep out for groceries we write a check to cover it.

I also have a side job and that money goes in the pool as well. There's no fussing at all. My hubby's weekly allowance he manages to treat us to Burger king sometimes. In order to make it work we have to WANT it to work I guess. It's all common sense to me. Good luck.

Post by Ariela

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I can't help but wonder if this is a joke post by Noah because of the different things Noah is posting in the comments :-(

If you are serious, Noah, I feel sorry for you and suggest a possible break on your own away from your spouse and additional counseling ...

If this is a joke then it is very cruel that you are messing with people's hearts who take this lovely and well meant site seriously ...

Post by Deeli

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I am very disappointed in your wife. I just got married 2 months ago. My husband is very hard working and ambitious, He will be starting his MASTERS this year. I would never expect him to pay all the bills. Both of us have very good jobs and we come together and pay all bills, buy the grocery and go on vacations. I appreciate everything he does for me, but I will not take him for granted.

Post By Keisha (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Tried counseling a year ago. Not too much progress.
Noah

Post By Noah K. (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Is this a joke? Don't take marriage advide from strangers online. If you need financial and marriage advice, go to a counselor you know and trust. We don't know you or your wife and you don't know us.

Post by Stngray

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

So Noah, you're in hot water, hu? Well, we still love you!

Post by Glenn'sMom

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

My hubby & I have been married for 48 years & we have never divided bills. We have always pooled our money since day one. Unfortunately for you & your wife it's too bad this wasn't discussed prior to your marriage. But there is always room for improvement. When your marriage occurs you are now living as one. You have received wonderful & caring advice. I hope you both learn from it.

Post By kidena (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I showed my wife the posts and she says she pays credit card bill, family vacations, our son's wrecked car, our son's parent tuition loan. She covered most of one months living expenses while I was in the hospital, plus $1000 on new truck for me. I'm in real hot water now! Noah K.

Post By Noah K. (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Thanks for the advice. I don't think i've ever betrayed her trust. This is the first time she has been able to save money and it appears she has more love for her money than for me. I have never asked her to contribute proportional to her income, Just take some load off of me.
Thanks, Noah

Post By Noah K. (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

My husband and I were discussing your situation and he said, "If she's paying even 10% of the bills he's 10% better off than he would be without her. A piece of pie, however small, is better than no pie at all." Makes me wonder just who he's really talking about.

Post by Glenn'sMom

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Holy Cow, Noah! I just read your post and if you bring in $2,200 a month and are earning 40% of the income, well, what the heck is she doing with the other 60% which is a major amount of money if all she's paying is the phone and cable bill?

Post by Deeli

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Marriage is a joint adventure. Why is she afraid to share the money she is earning with you? Have you betrayed her trust in the past? The two of you need to prayerfully consider what you both want and learn to trust and be trustworthy. I know how deeply money problems can affect a marriage and I pray that you can find a solution together.

Post By Jazzylazzy (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Taqowa_woman hit the nail right in the head.

Talk to your wife and tell her there's no written rule that the man in the family should shoulder most of the expenses.

Post by Jervz

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Thanks for the advice. I love her! Her unwillingness to compromise makes me wonder if she wants to be my wife any more. As for the household stuff, I help around the house. I make dinner about 3 times a week, make breakfast at least once on the weekend. I wash my own clothes, and help with the dishes. I've cleaned the house the last for or five times it has been cleaned. I feel like Ii'm doing far more than my part. It breaks my heart and also makes me angry when I think about the years when she was working for minimum wage or when she stayed home with my son when he was small. I took on a second job to bring in more money.

When she got her present job, I had just been layed off from a 27 dollar an hour job and had to go to work for 17.75 an hour. I asked if she would help me with the bills and give me a little breathing room. She said at that time she wasn't gonna pay any of the bills.

She finally gave in and started paying our cell phone bill and cable bill. I bring home about $2200 a month. 4 of the last 6 months i have payed out anywhere from $2000 to $3000. you can't go long like that!

Post By Noah K. (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Looks like you have a lot of good advice here. May I suggest you print it off and share it with her? Tell her you love her and that you wish this could be worked through. See what she says.

Post by coreenhart

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Ok, Noah......splitting the bills.....? Sorry, I think, one marriage, one team, one pot to draw from......Both of you should put equally in the one pot, whatever it takes to pay the bills......no more of his and hers.....it should be Our Bills, and no , you should not be paying 90% of them. Good Grief Noah, what exactly does she do with "her money".....?

Take Care, dont settle for less, you will not like it more.

Hedera

Post by hedera

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Sadly, this sounds like a power struggle to me :-( A true marriage is 'joint' and not acting spoiled or the world owes me attitudes :-( It's supposed to be 'we' not 'us and them' :-( What if you were laid off or, God forbid, injured ??? Who would she expect to pay the bills then ??? And that would go for you, too, if something happened to her !!!

It shouldn't matter who makes more money at all !!! Living expenses are living expenses and as long as you both are working then both should be at least splitting those expenses right down the middle including shared food and toiletries ... If she wants other things to be separate then fine but that would also include both of you paying your own car payment, gasoline, insurance, clothing etc ...

I agree with other posters that you should both get some marriage counseling and right away !!!

Sorry you're having troubles :-( Sorry for both of you :-(

Post by Deeli

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I have to agree with most of the posts. My husband works and makes a little less than half of what I make. What he makes in a month I make in a week and then some. At first we had issues with out money: his was his and mine was mine wasn't working. He's a spender and I am a saver.

So to keep the peace he uses his money to pay for All our bills and I handle all the retirement accounts and investments. Yeah he suffers now a bit but we'll be way better off later but this is because we trust each other and there is a "we" in our marriage, not an "I". Also gone are the days when a woman could say, "it's a man's job..." or vice versa. Sit down and talk about what's expected from you in your marriage n whether those expectations are realistic. Might turn out your money issues are not about money at all.
Good luck, Sandy and Colin

Post By Sandy (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Good heavens! What does she spend it all on? Of course you're reasonable. I earn half what my husband does, we pool our resources and pay the bills out of our joint account. Whoever earns it, it is ours, not his or mine.

Post By Shocked (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

The one big thing that really bothers me in your post is that you are considered SOLELY responsible for the bills because you are the man? I agree with many of the other posts. The expenses belong to both of you. Does she not have to pay her living expenses out on her own? Regardless who is the man or woman, makes more or less, etc., I feel you both should contribute in some way toward the necessities. This includes what others have mentioned about duties as well as the finances. It takes 2 to make a couple regardless how responsibilities are divided up. I also agree with Crystal in that it's okay to have yours, mine, & ours. The "ours" goes toward the joint living expenses while the "yours" & "mine" can be used accordingly (such as Crystal's shoes & her husband's fast food). :D Good luck!

Post by gonecrazyhunting

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

If a couple lives together, they share expenses... When a couple gets married it should always be a we, not me in all financial matters... Simply put, all earned income should be "ours" and thus there is no discussion about who pays what... The fact one earns more than the other should be irrelevant...

Post by smartfell-r

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

You should put the money all together, pay everything, and split what is left so you both have a bit of spending money of your own.

Post By laura (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I have known several couples who sarted their marriage with keeping seperate bank accounts. They are all divorced. It should be what is yours is mine and what is mine is yours. That is working together for the same goals and together is the key.

Post By Enter your name. (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I guess it depends on whether or not this is your first marriage. For a first marriage, it would be unusual imho for married people to keep their money separate. It should be pooled and bills paid from the pooled money account. In a marriage, there is no "yours" and "mine." Its "ours."

That said I must amend my reply to include people who have been previously married to another person. I believe that as we mature we tend to want to think of keeping money for our descendants. And if you've been married previously and come into the marriage with money from another relationship, this may make a difference as well. In this case, I might say payment of bills should be done on a percentage basis. You pay half and she pays half of the bills.

For her to continue in thinking as she does is abusive to you. Its wrong in today's world. It is very old fashioned. She needs to get her head screwed on better. Maybe if she has to pay at least half the bills she will be better at how she spends money. I believe people need to have consequences for their actions. For her, there are no consequences to her overspending. YOu are there to save her every time. But this is only a supposition on my part.

Put your foot down and let her know who wears the pants in the family. (smile)

Warm regards,

Post By Carol in PA (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I was raised in a neighborhood & in a family where the man went to work and paid the bills & the woman stayed home & took care of her family. When I worked I didn't pay any of the bills. I DID offer but my husband also grew up in the same area I did and his values are the same. The woman stays home, takes care of her family while the man goes to work & pays the bills. Our 10th anniversary is next month & I have worked 8 out of the 10 yrs we've been married. My husband and I both earned approximately the same amt. He paid the bills, payed for twice yearly vacations, car upkeep & repairs, entertainment. I bought the groceries. When we first got married I use to pay the trash & water bill which were the two lowest bills & were in my name because he owed them money. He did get them paid off, put them in his name and he started paying them. all without consulting me. He just did it and then announced to me one day he was going to be paying the bills from now on & if i wanted to quit working I could. I continued working until I injured my back in 2006.

People insist that now days it takes 2 incomes to make it in this world. that is not true. If you live within your means there is no reason why the man (or the person with higher income) can't fully take care of everything on their own.

We have no credit cards, no revolving accounts, no debt other than current bills. My husband earns $12.00 an hour and we do just fine.

Sooo....do I think you're being unreasonable in expecting her to pay more because she earns more? yes, I do think you are being unreasonable. I also think she is being selfish & should be willing to help more than what she is, especially since you have asked her to.

Post By suzyq (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

As the mother of seven and a married woman, I can tell you that our household has tried many different ways to pay expenses. When my husband was in college and as a U.S. Marine, I paid all the bills. When I decided to be a stay at home mom for a few years, he paid all the bills. We often disagreed on how money was spent. He wastes money on fast food and I have a problem with shoes. So, we decided that we would open a household account. Each week, we both put equal amounts into it to cover our household expenses. The house payment, water, electric, sewer, phone, taxes, insurances, groceries, and internet. What is left of our checks is our own personal money. I pay for Christmas presents, he pays for vacations. He uses his extra money to play the stock market. I use mine on various different things. This system works very well for us. Plus, the kids quickly realized, that if I said no. Dad could say yes, and use his own money to give them for whatever that just have to have that week or vice versa. I can not say a word about his money and he can not say a word about mine. We rarely argue over money isses now. This system works very well for us.

It is okay to have yours, mine , and ours. As a woman, my husband would describe as you have your wife. I am controlling, often forget to say please, and I never admit fault. He fell in love with me anyway. He learned how to make me compromise without ever letting me give up my issues. He asks what I suggest we do? He constantly thanks me for all that I do. He makes me want to improve myself. He lets me think that most things are my idea. He kills me with kindness. He has also mastered the key to kiddingly offering me tit for tat. He will rub my back, if I get the car tagged. He will take the kids to school if I will write out the checks for the bills.

You married her for your reasons and she said yes for hers. Can you remember that time before you became man and wife? Rekindle that flame. Chances are, she is not seeing what you say as a compromise, but as an ultimatum. Unfortunately, you can not start again, but you can decide to go down a different path together. Hopefully, you will do it with joined hands.

Crystal

Post by momandmurray

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I agree with the poster who suggested counseling.
If you and your wife keep your money separate, the amount each should contribute is the least of your problems.

Post by Mary T

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I agree with all the other posts. I am a stay at home mom and everything my husband earns is "ours". If it makes you feel any better, I have a few friends with seperate accounts and seperate bill responsibilities too so it is not totally uncommon. However, I think that the fact that you are seperated for the reason you mentioned, is more of an issue. Perhaps her unwillingness to "give" is saying something about her commitment to the marriage. Has she always been so unwilling to compromise?? I hope things get better... if you have any desire to save your marriage (it sounds like you do or you wouldn't be asking for advice) buy the dvd FIREPROOF that comes out tomorrow. It has an awesome message!!! Good luck

Post by Andjerm

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I think your wife should pay more because she earns more. It should be based on the proportion of your income. Whatever the amount, it should be placed in a household account and all of the bills to run the house should be paid out of this household account. Or, in my brother's house, his wife pays all of the household bills and his income pays into his and his wife's retirement accounts and investments.
They've managed to work it out very well. Your situation should be fair for both of you.

Post By Joan. (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, you can't make her do anything. You are only responsible for your actions. For your own sake. You need to seek out your pastor and get counseling at least for you. If you do not have one...please find one. I believe God has always given the best answers in His word to life's difficult questions. God Bless You!

Post by kghsave

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

The last time we discussed starting back the joint account, she said she would not be willing to deposit at least as much as I did so I gave up on it. How do you deal with someone who is never wrong? Who never will say I'm sorry? How do you deal with someone who never says please? How do you deal with someone with control issues? I moved out last week. what else can I do? My son is 21. A little compromise would go miles toward getting back together.

Post By Noah K. (Guest Post)

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I also am not understanding why the money is not going into a joint account to become "ours" not his and hers.... What is she doing with "her" money?

I think it is time to meet with a counselor or clergy person and iron a few things out. Good luck!

Post by Jilson

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

I'm sure that I'm not the only one who is old school, but when I became a wife...it became a team effort (with everything) and any money from my husband and myself became "ours."

I feel sorry for your situation.

Post by kghsave

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

hmm, Reading this, I thought, there is a much deeper issue here. Why would a married couple be working as separate entities on this matter? Shouldn't "the blessings and the burdens" be shared equally?

Currently, my husband ' works 40 hrs. a week and earns about what I earn in a 24 hr. work week, in the past it has been just the opposite. We have always simply put all the money in the pot, so to speak, paid OUR bills and what WE have left is OURS, and WE decide how it is spent. Call me old-fashioned or naive, but, I think married couples are to function as one..then again, I do believe in, "for better or for worse." *smile*

If for some reason you and your wife aren't willing to just "work together" on this, then why not split the living expenses ( mortgage, electric, insurance, etc.) evenly, then each pay for their own "extras"...ie.. club memberships, dept. store accounts, credit cards, car notes (unless you share one ride) hobbies etc?
That's about as fair as it can get if you are going to be married but act individually on the subject.

Just curious; how do the remaining duties get divided up? (kids, housework, shopping, yard..etc..?) If you are each splitting these in a fair manner..how come you can't do the same with the money? If you are not... then, again, I"d say there are other issues at work here and y'all need to talk.

All the above is, of course, just my thoughts on the matter and the only qualification I can offer is the 22 year and going strong marriage I'm an active partner in. *smile* Good luck and God bless.

Post by taqowa_woman

RE: Splitting Bills with Spouse

Who is doing the housework and child care? Who takes care of sick realatives? Who takes care of the pets? Whose name is the house in? Consider all those things. Women often "pay" in many ways that do not involve money.

Post by perfume and powder

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