Is it customary to ask your son to see a list of the gifts he received from your family members and friends (not the bride's side) at his wedding?
Zimmy from Providence, RI
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It is not only not customary, it's nobody's business but the bride and groom's. They are the ones who will be writing thank you notes, so they're really the only ones who need that information.
Let the new couple handle their own affairs and form their own opinions. Newlyweds have a hard enough time as it is without HER family and HIS family starting these stupid little wars!
If you are worried about giving a duplicate gift, you could just ask them if anyone has given them the item yet, or ask them if there's anything they didn't get that they need. Or give money or a gift card. Other than that, I can't really think of any reason anybody else needs to know what they received... Can I ask why you are curious about this?
Can we ask what the reason is you need the info? I think then we could answer your question better.
Yes. I too wondered why you needed to know. If it's because you want to check who has given the most expensive gift against others who have given a cheaper thing.. well.. that's not too nice. Sorry!
I'm taking a different opinion here. I believe it's the reason "why" you want to see the list that's important.
If you are nosy and want to see who spent what amount of money, then it's none of your business.
If your husband has a friend who's daughter is getting married, and they sent a gift to your son for his wedding, you don't know them well, and you need to buy them a gift but have no earthly idea of what/or how much to spend and don't want to insult them--that's different. Still, you could just ask your son.
Maybe your reason, and this happened in my family to my cousin, is that your son and his wife didn't keep track of who bought what. Thank-yous were sent to only a handful of people for the wrong gifts, and they were complaining to the parent (my aunt) about it. She took it upon herself to get the list in order so everyone could be thanked properly. Yes, it's the couple's duty, but some aren't as responsible as others.
Or maybe the list of family and friend is so big that you simply want to keep track of who sent what, so when it comes time for you to buy for their children, you'll have an idea of what to spend.
I shared my list with our families. We understood who was on rough times and didn't have much money to spend on gifts, who was extremely generous, and who just plained mooched on food and booze. It was an eye-opening experience for all of us.
I'd have to wonder why any parent would want to see a list of gifts received. I have never heard of such a thing, and if my parents or inlaws would ask to see the list I'd say NO. If there's a specific question in regards to gifts, you could ask. Otherwise it's really only the newlywed couple's business.
Well I disagree w/most of the posts. My son and his lovely bride just married this weekend. I would like to know about the wedding gifts they received so that when I run into friends and relatives I can add my thanks for their having remembered them. Perhaps that comes from our being from the south and in a relatively small community. I have no dark intentions, it's not to compare who gave what - I couldn't care less. It is about expressing appreciation to those I come in contact with who thought enough of our children to give them a remembrance.
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