Picking up the Tab at Lunch

I just need a little input on what's proper! I'm meeting my 3 adult daughters for lunch in the near future and 2 of them live close by and one lives out of town. It's a treat for all of us to be in the same place at one time. My granddaughter will be included in this get together. She's 15 and belongs to one of my daughters that lives close by. I was wondering am I responsible for the whole luncheon? In the past I'm always the one that pays. I haven't been employed since January and my husband doesn't mind picking up the tab for us. My daughters are not his children and I feel somewhat awkward about him paying. The fact that it's just expected of me to pay really bothers me. Advice needed!


"PayUpMom" from TN

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October 17, 20070 found this helpful

If it hasn't already been decided who pays then the person who came up with the idea should be the one to pay. Just pass the check their way. If it was your idea then you should pay.

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October 17, 20070 found this helpful

Why not just be honest about how you feel.

Your daughters may not have any problem with paying.

Your husband may not mind paying either. He married you so I'm sure he accepts your children as his own.

Or you could always ask for seperate checks.

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October 17, 20070 found this helpful

I managed to invite my ex-husband to our daughter's graduation in March and also to an upmarket restaurant afterwards. When I asked the waitress for the account, he actually took money out of hs pocket to pay, something none of us ever expected. However, I told him that, as I had invited him (and the children) I would pay. And I did just that. I am grateful that I managed to do the right thing, in spite of myself. So I would say, the one who came up with the idea and issued the invitations should pay.

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October 18, 20070 found this helpful

I think everyone should go Dutch Treat!! just say as you sit down that everyone pays for their own!

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October 18, 20070 found this helpful

Some Great advice here. Thank you:)

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October 18, 20070 found this helpful

It sounds as though everyone should pay for their own in this situation. Just don't let happen to you what happened to me. I was on vacation with my in-laws and my mother-n-law, sister-n-law, and myself went to lunch one day. When the waitress asked how the check should be split, my mother-n-law said she was paying for my sister-n-law's but not mine! It was one of the rudest things in my life that I remember. If everyone pays their own, there should be no worry.

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October 18, 20070 found this helpful

Isn't it time for the girls to step up and treat for Mom? My Mom passed away almost three years ago now. My Dad and I make a night out for dinner at an inexpensive restaurant (even McDonalds occasionally) about twice a month... My treat!!!

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October 18, 20070 found this helpful

Whatever you do, make sure it's known before the day, so they can be prepared to pay either their own or all.

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October 18, 20070 found this helpful

The best thing to do is to be honest. Perhaps you could talk to your daughters and gently remind them that money is tight and while you would love to treat them to a lunch out at a restaurant it isn't possible. Perhaps you could suggest a potluck lunch at your home. I am sure they will understand and either reassure you that they don't mind paying for their own lunches or will go for the potluck. Good luck!

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October 18, 20070 found this helpful

The fact that you arrange to have a get together doesn't mean that you should or have to pay; I'm sure your daughters love to get together but just got use to you making all the plans (so they don't have to)

I've being treating my parents for dinners for thirty years - I make money and I don't see why they always have to treat. Plus they make holiday and birthday parties where there are always lots of food. It is time your daughters pay for their own food!

Anna, NYC

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October 18, 20070 found this helpful

Since you have always picked up the bill in the past, it has become the norm.

It would be in the best to let the girls know that things have changed for mom financially and she isn't in the position to pay the tab anymore.

Let them know in advance. If this is too embarrasing for you, let one of your daughters make the calls to the sisters. Follow up to make certain there are no surprises.

Most likely, your girls, knowing your financial situation will buy your lunch. Graciously allow this.

Let us know what happened.

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October 18, 20070 found this helpful

When I get together with my family or friends (unless otherise organised)everyone pays for their own meals. Maybe you need to ring your daughters and explain that money is tight and would they mind paying their own way. You do need to give them notice so that they will have funds available. The other alternative would be to have a meal at someone's house and everyone bring something. Another alternative is to change to a cheaper restaurant or do something cheaper like morning or afternoon tea

Good luck

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October 18, 20070 found this helpful

If I had to pay everytime I asked someone to go to lunch, I Wouldn't ask. People should pay their own way. I have a problem also with taking my kids out to eat, &, often they drink several beers with meal and I hate drinking outside of our house because of the expense at restaurants. I don't invite them out very often because they just assume I am paying, it is aggravating. Once we met them at a restaurant at the last minute and when the waitress came, I told her not to put ours on their ticket, that we'd pay for our own. I don't know why waitresses oftentimes just set the check down by my husband and I, just because we are the oldest at the table doesn't mean we are paying. We are retired now and living on a fixed income, so I can't invite them out very often because of the expense involved.

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October 19, 20070 found this helpful

Generally, the person who does the inviting pays the bill. I have two alternate suggestions, assuming that you get together fairly regularly with your daughters. 1. Divide the bill equally, including tip. 2. Take turns paying for everyone in, for example, age order. Whatever you do, discuss it ahead of time for this lunch, or you pay this one, and discuss future ones at this one.

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October 19, 20070 found this helpful

I have to say this made me pause for a minute. When I became an adult, I always picked up the bill when my mother and I went out to lunch. She had raised me and I guess it was more out of respect for her that I did so. However, I find that with my own grown children, I seem to pick up the bill more often than not. I am just so used to "giving" and not "taking" from them I guess. However, when with my friends, everyone pays her own way, no matter whose idea it is. Is it just the Way of the Times we live in Now, or have we just missed teaching our children an important part of growing up?

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October 20, 20070 found this helpful

This happens to me as well. Every now and then my oldest son will "treat" me. But i'm always surprised that when we come into their town, I pay. When they drive up, I still pay! Whats the deal?

So I have started saying "We need seperate checks" and that works for me. Once they get used to it after several times then they will have created a new habit of taking care of their own expenses.

I got so tired of my adult children ordering too much food, they wouldn't take any of it home and they would even request a appetizer!

Now its much easier and I enjoy meeting my kids out. :)

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October 21, 20070 found this helpful

When my mother takes me out, she brings a two for the price of one coupon. Then we both order something different and share. Neither one of us are big eaters, so we usually end up with enough for another meal we enjoy together. She lives up in Reno so there are many good choices for where to eat.

Mom can afford to pay and we never go anywhere expensive and don't drink alcohol at a restaurant (it's such a waste of money, I'll just bring the flask) JUST KIDDING! Anyhow, I clean her house for her without being asked. She feels free to ask me to do a job for her and I'll happily do it if I physically can.

Don't forget to use your "senior" discount if you can. A nice hint for your daughters who are local would be to ask them if they have seen any coupons or two for one offers in the paper or mail.

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