When living with a partner it is important to have a clear understanding of how the household costs are divided. This guide is about sharing living expenses with boyfriend.
I am a 31y/o woman living with my boyfriend, who is 56 and succesful in his career. I have lived in his house for a few months now and we've been together for almost 2 years. I knew he had plans for his 32 y/o son, who has very mild autism, to stay with him for a year to help him with his obesity.
I help with the house, I'm the cook, I play as his son's dietitian, exercise partner, driver, I take him to shows and do fun stuff. Also, I have a 4 day a week job as a dental assitant. I love them so much and I know they love me too. My boyfriend is going to retire soon (he worked at a bank with a good position) and he has slowly been asking me for monetary help.
I feel like I work a lot at home and also for both of them and also for myself. I haven't paid anything yet. But if I start paying for rent ($500) should I lessen work at home and get a part time job? I'm also in big debt.
About my relationship with my bf, we talked about marriage before, but with a prenuptial which I strongly agree. He told me all his money is going to his son. Which doesn't bother me at all.
So all this, I feel like I'm not getting anything out of it. I will have to work for my future of course, work at home, and still pay rent? Is it right that I have to pay rent and work as a "full time mother" aside from my job?
That's saying is totally me right now. I really wonder if he would marry me. I should have conversation with him about our future.
Here's the thing, my BF asked me to move in last month because he couldn't move to my city. He has 4 kids. So I quit my job (looking for a new one in his city now, but he doesn't want me to work because someone needs to stay at home when kids are off) and moved to his house. Before I moved in I offered to pay he said no. But now he wants me to help with all cost. I asked him what's "the cost" he listed: water, gas, electricity, mortgage (he owns 3 places) and car. He said, just pay what you think is fair. Before I moved in he asked me how much do I want to take care of the kids and everyday living. I said no, because I'm not a babysitter and since I'm with him, I will help him taking care of his kids for sure. BTW we are not engaged. To my opinion, it is OK to share the water bill, gas and electricity, but mortgage, it is not my house!
It sounds like you were taken for a sucker. He wants a built in baby sitter plus somebody to help with his living expenses. Considering he and his kids use more of all the things listed than you do. I would get the heck out of there.
My boyfriend kinda started staying here 24/7 a year ago, for the first 14 months he didn't help pay for anything. Then of coarse me being single mom of 2 couldn't afford to feed 4 of us so I had to use credit cards to be able to make it. Needless to say I'm now in credit card trouble. He decided on his own he was going to make 300$ a month payments to the card and so would I. He also paid 300$ a month toward groceries and other bills. His cell is in my name so it's 100$ which I been paying for so technically 200$ towards groceries and bills.
This lasted 2 months then he got angry and started questioning me to where "his" money is going. I told him $300 to the card 100$ to your phone and that leaves 200$ for food and bills. He eats more then 200$ a month. He yelled at me that he didn't eat 200$ a month in food so now we are back to me paying for everything. I don't know what to do, I work 3 jobs to be able to do what I gotta do and I feel used that I have absolutely no time for anything but work, make dinner, clean, and sleep. He works full time and he pays for his car, car insurance, and that's it. He wants to save his money for hobbies and spend it on hobbies for himself while I slave. I don't know, maybe this is the way its supposed to be?
Self respect, young lady, self respect!
I am an 8 year widow. I have a house in my name. My boyfriend lives with me, but says it's not his house and does nothing as far as cleaning, etc. I am the maid. He thinks $250 a week is too much to pay. I pay the mortgage plus more. He deducts his gas and cigarettes from that. Those are not household expenses. I feel like I'm being used and abused. He does nothing and withholds any $ that are left after his deductions, as punishment. We have no written legal agreement; he wouldn't sign.
A different POV on this subject -or- As Joe South said "Oh the games people play, now".
' It was my decision to let this man move in with me. Now, I see that it was a wrong decision. Maybe that wrong decision was an honest mistake, but allowing him to stay up to this point, after finding out his true nature, I did with knowledge and clear mind.
Hey, that makes me look weak and needy! I can't have that. It's time to shift the spotlight off me and my mistake, and make it look as if it's all his fault. I know, I'll tell a bunch of women how lazy, selfish and freeloading he is. I'll get a lot of sympathy, and advice on throwing him out. Goody! The sympathy wont solve anything, but it's nice to get, anyway. And as for the advice on throwing him out...well, I already knew that long ago....but hey!...it's the sympathy and advice that counts. Right? Right.
In the meantime, this bum is sitting across the living room from me, stinking up the place with cigarettes, expecting me to empty his ash tray, go get him another hoagie and beer, and draw his weekly bath water.
Tomorrow and the next day will be just like today, but tonight...tonight I can go to bed (yes, with him, durn it), and comfort myself with the knowledge that I have gained support, sympathy and advice from my sisters around the globe'. Yes!
(Good grief, man. I drew your bath water. You could have taken a bath before you came to bed....and I'll thank you to please get your knee out of my back).
(Woman, I'll have you know that's not my knee).
(What did you say, darlin'?).
My boyfriend of three years moved in with me a little over a year ago due to loss of a job in his city and him finding one in mine. I have two daughters that are 18 and 21 and still live with me. He buys groceries from week to week and spends about $300 - $400 a month but has not offered to pay any rent or utilities.
How should I approach him to share in these expenses too as he is living with us full time? The house is only in my name. Thanks.
By Robin from New Orleans, LA
You really need to know what the monthly expenses total before you can approach him. That includes everything you pay for and everything he pays for. And to be fair, keep in mind that if you break up, the house is still yours so I wouldn't try to make him pay for a full half of your mortgage. You need to come up with something fair for the living expenses you both share.
I have been with my son's father for almost 12 years now (yes still not married). We have been thru the worst times ever to the best times ever. Three years ago I found out he was having a relationship with someone else for 2 years behind my back. Of course I kicked him out and he stayed with her for a few months until I somehow convinced myself to take him back.
At the time he also lost his job and was collecting unemployment so when he returned to my home I was picking up the slack for all the bills in our house as well as taking care of all of our son's needs. We bicker over everything; one little thing spirals into things that had nothing to do with the original argument and things get extremely nasty. He calls me the worst names imaginable including saying things like "I hope you die". You have no idea how damaging this is to hear especially after all I have given and forgave in our relationship.
He is currently working and has been for 6 months now and yet for the last, almost 3 years (a year separated, a year+ of unemployment and searching for a new job) I am still paying everything (well everything but the gas and electric). I pay rent and 1/2 the cable, all food shopping or he will go every once in a great blue moon to get the bare minimum and all expenses for our son unless he buys an outfit or shoes here and there.
While he was out on unemployment he received a large settlement approximately 12K and he never once asked if I needed money, never said I know you have racked up some credit bills let me help you, nothing.
Also a few years back he got into a little trouble with the IRS with his daughter's mother (from a previous relationship) as they both claimed her and he had to pay the money back - guess what our taxes three years ago right before I found out he had a girlfriend paid those off.
Also, once he was caught cheating he came back asking me to marry him and bought me a diamond ring. This was a secret for some time and now that it is out he has yet to speak another word of any kind of marriage. Needless to say I pay almost all of the bills (yes I have said this a few times), do all of the house chores - he will throw in a load of laundry here and there and said he did the laundry, but yet I fold and put away. He will iron his shirts for work, but mumble under his breath that I should be doing it. I cook every night - well not every night, but I make sure we have dinner and we are all feed.
To shine more light on the situation, his daughter that is now 17 years old wants nothing to do with him and hasn't for some time now. He hasn't paid support for as long as I have known him and when he is around her all he does is tells her what she is doing wrong and all this nonsense - he does this to our son too. He was raised as an only child by his father (who didn't have a great track record himself with women to say the least). To add wood to the fire he has hit me a few times or has grabbed me to the point of marks being left on me. He has broken things in the house (I have too at times).
I just hate being the one that is blamed for everything and I end up giving so much more into this so called relationship. I guess what I am trying to get at is can someone please tell me if I am thinking correctly and feeling like I am being taken advantage of? I could go on for days and please by no means I am saying I am perfect because no one is. I have my fault ones that yes I have a difficult time admitting, but I believe I deserve so much more in return at this point.
I can understand that you needed to vent which always makes anybody feel better but, is there any need to ask for advice? I'm sure, you know that nobody is going to tell you to stay with him. Perhaps you are scared to go it alone, but really and truly, aren't you already going it alone?
Any financial input from him is being used by HIM anyway so he really isn't helping out at all. Trust me, I've been there, and the sense of relief that you are rid of him will more than make up for any contribution in any respect that he has ever made. This is your decision of course. If you want to be miserable with him, that's up to you. If you want to keep, or get back, your dignity, self respect and your self worth, then you know what you have to do.
I live with my boyfriend, he owns the home so I didn't get a say in if it was affordable. However it's not bad either, but he lives there with his 2 kids, 10 and 11 years old. He would have to pay the mortgage anyways, it's not like I am taking up any space being that I share a room with him. Should I have to pay half the mortgage and utilities? How about food? My boyfriend thinks it's fair that I split that cost as well.
He makes almost twice as much as I do and has no bills what so ever. I'd like to get myself out of debt so we can have a future. I don't think it's fair I pay half of the food when I am only eating 1/4 of it, if that. I work through dinner hours and eat like a bird the rest of the time. His 2 kids eat twice as much as I can and my boyfriend eats 3 times as much as me. His food costs are astronomical.
Basically I took on a second job to do what he thinks is fair, but I am killing myself and he is saving money. Does any of that seem fair. How can I talk to him? I tried a couple of times and it almost resulted in our breaking up. He wants a girl who can pay half. I am almost positive he is looking at his benefit only.
I can understand how money could be an issue. I came to this thread because I am moving in with my boyfriend and his 12 yr old son. First of all, I apologize for my bad English since I am french. :) 2nd. I hope you and your boyfriend found a resolution but from the situation you wrote about it does seem like he is very irrational and not acting out of love and compassion.
If he gets an amount from an ex to cover his kids it should go toward the 1/3 of the rent for his kids, their food and personals.
You should reasonably pay a 1/3 to a 1/2 of the rent or what it would cost between renting a room in a household you would want to live in or a 1 bedroom apartment of your own. (what ever you would have done single). 1/2 to a 1/3 telecommunication (internet, cable, telephone), 1/2 to a 1/3 utilities (gas, electricity) and your food/personal items.
***Those may change depending on how many dependents and their ages. 50GB added and higher internet speed cause of an addicted teenager on gaming changes monthly fees. :)
Once you start sharing money...BUDGET. Use online banking and make many accounts and sub accounts. 1 checking account each, 1 saving account each, 1 shared grocery and 1 utility/telecomm account, 1 vacation account, 1 miss/special account and move money around each week or 2 week depending on pays.
Have a jar and put 25-50$ each a week in it...Surprises and special supper, date nights come from there. Groupon, coupons and have a familycalendar. Plan meals and make activities.
Then, for example, who ever does the groceries can take from that account. If there is ever any left over...every end of the month move it to another shared account or split the savings 1/2 and 1/2. :)
If one person makes more than the other, hopefully they are generous and treat the other to surprises, pretty things and if they feel obliged cover more % of the bills or add to shared savings/trips accounts.
If one party own the house or pay a mortgage alone, I do think they should give you a discount on the rent until your name is on the deed or you pay a mortgage because they are investing towards their future with that money invested. There is always marriage to share everything. :)
I guess I answered my own questions. If money breaks many relationship, taking care of it early and fairly will only but be positive in my future.
Only when both parties feel safe and secure will a relationship work. The basic need of shelter and the eventual sharing of it will always take some work towards a comfortable homestead with another.
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I have two boys that live with us and he has a daughter that stays 3 days out of the week. 6 months ago he quit a well paying job because he said he wanted to see his daughter more and go to school. Well he never went to school and now he works 30 hours a week at a minimum wage job. His child support was never lowered (and won't be ) because he quit. So more than half of his income goes to child support. He basically has money to get back and forth to work until he get paid again. Which means I'm paying all food, bills, and rent. On top of this he got a new car before deciding to quit his new job so I'm paying his car note and insurance. Would I be wrong to tell him he needs to get a new job so that he can make ends meet? I honestly feel like im doing everything myself. Please help!
P.S. Sounds like this arrangement may have been planned ahead of time on his part since he purchased his car shortly before voluntarily quitting his job.
My boyfriend wants to move in with me. We have been dating for over a year, we have had many disagreements ranging from exs to finances. If he moves in, he doesn't want to pay 1/2 of utilities since I currently receive child support. Is this fair? Am I expecting too much from him?
If he isn't willing to pay 1/2 the utilities you might have problems getting him to pay other bills which would be 1/2 his responsibility. Don't do it unless you get counseling first or a long talk about sharing responsibilities.