When living with a partner it is important to have a clear understanding of how the household costs are divided. This guide is about sharing living expenses with boyfriend.
Here are questions related to Sharing Living Expenses With a Boyfriend or Girlfriend.
My boyfriend kinda started staying here 24/7 a year ago, for the first 14 months he didn't help pay for anything. Then of coarse me being single mom of 2 couldn't afford to feed 4 of us so I had to use credit cards to be able to make it. Needless to say I'm now in credit card trouble. He decided on his own he was going to make 300$ a month payments to the card and so would I. He also paid 300$ a month toward groceries and other bills. His cell is in my name so it's 100$ which I been paying for so technically 200$ towards groceries and bills.
This lasted 2 months then he got angry and started questioning me to where "his" money is going. I told him $300 to the card 100$ to your phone and that leaves 200$ for food and bills. He eats more then 200$ a month. He yelled at me that he didn't eat 200$ a month in food so now we are back to me paying for everything. I don't know what to do, I work 3 jobs to be able to do what I gotta do and I feel used that I have absolutely no time for anything but work, make dinner, clean, and sleep. He works full time and he pays for his car, car insurance, and that's it. He wants to save his money for hobbies and spend it on hobbies for himself while I slave. I don't know, maybe this is the way its supposed to be?
By melinda 01/05/2014
Ok you stated he 'kinda' started staying with you, is he actually living with you? 24/7 would indicate not kinda he actually is. Not sure if he is the father to either of your children, but if he is then he should be financially helping you with the care of the child and household.
He doesn't sound like he is mature enough to understand the importance of things. Buying things he just wants or collects is not being responsible nor showing he cares anything about you or your children. He is just using you, a place to crash and whatever else your supplying him with.."to stop the addict you must stop supplying to the addiction".
Once he is out contact friends/family with things you may need help with, such as the children, etc. Start cutting coupons to save that extra money to catch up on bills. And if need be move to a house or apartment that is cheaper. Don't ruin your life, children's life and credit due to someone else. Especially if they could careless about you and your children. They always come first. Never a man.
I have been with my son's father for almost 12 years now (yes still not married). We have been thru the worst times ever to the best times ever. Three years ago I found out he was having a relationship with someone else for 2 years behind my back. Of course I kicked him out and he stayed with her for a few months until I somehow convinced myself to take him back.
At the time he also lost his job and was collecting unemployment so when he returned to my home I was picking up the slack for all the bills in our house as well as taking care of all of our son's needs. We bicker over everything; one little thing spirals into things that had nothing to do with the original argument and things get extremely nasty. He calls me the worst names imaginable including saying things like "I hope you die". You have no idea how damaging this is to hear especially after all I have given and forgave in our relationship.
He is currently working and has been for 6 months now and yet for the last, almost 3 years (a year separated, a year+ of unemployment and searching for a new job) I am still paying everything (well everything but the gas and electric). I pay rent and 1/2 the cable, all food shopping or he will go every once in a great blue moon to get the bare minimum and all expenses for our son unless he buys an outfit or shoes here and there.
While he was out on unemployment he received a large settlement approximately 12K and he never once asked if I needed money, never said I know you have racked up some credit bills let me help you, nothing.
Also a few years back he got into a little trouble with the IRS with his daughter's mother (from a previous relationship) as they both claimed her and he had to pay the money back - guess what our taxes three years ago right before I found out he had a girlfriend paid those off.
Also, once he was caught cheating he came back asking me to marry him and bought me a diamond ring. This was a secret for some time and now that it is out he has yet to speak another word of any kind of marriage. Needless to say I pay almost all of the bills (yes I have said this a few times), do all of the house chores - he will throw in a load of laundry here and there and said he did the laundry, but yet I fold and put away. He will iron his shirts for work, but mumble under his breath that I should be doing it. I cook every night - well not every night, but I make sure we have dinner and we are all feed.
To shine more light on the situation, his daughter that is now 17 years old wants nothing to do with him and hasn't for some time now. He hasn't paid support for as long as I have known him and when he is around her all he does is tells her what she is doing wrong and all this nonsense - he does this to our son too. He was raised as an only child by his father (who didn't have a great track record himself with women to say the least). To add wood to the fire he has hit me a few times or has grabbed me to the point of marks being left on me. He has broken things in the house (I have too at times).
I just hate being the one that is blamed for everything and I end up giving so much more into this so called relationship. I guess what I am trying to get at is can someone please tell me if I am thinking correctly and feeling like I am being taken advantage of? I could go on for days and please by no means I am saying I am perfect because no one is. I have my fault ones that yes I have a difficult time admitting, but I believe I deserve so much more in return at this point.
By cettina 10/02/2014
I can understand that you needed to vent which always makes anybody feel better but, is there any need to ask for advice? I'm sure, you know that nobody is going to tell you to stay with him. Perhaps you are scared to go it alone, but really and truly, aren't you already going it alone?
Any financial input from him is being used by HIM anyway so he really isn't helping out at all. Trust me, I've been there, and the sense of relief that you are rid of him will more than make up for any contribution in any respect that he has ever made. This is your decision of course. If you want to be miserable with him, that's up to you. If you want to keep, or get back, your dignity, self respect and your self worth, then you know what you have to do.
I am 47, divorced, with two teenagers and still reside in the house that my ex and I own. We are co owners, as the judge ordered me to stay in the house. My ex pays me alimony and child support.
I have been dating a guy for almost 6 years. He wants to get married, but I would lose alimony and my boyfriend does not make a consistent living. He owns his own home, but has rented it out to stay with me. He also has 2 younger kids who come here to stay once a month for 3 days and all holidays. He has his own tree business so his finances are up and down depending on work.
I originally did not ask him for money because he always just made enough to make ends meet. In the last few years though he has agreed to give me $500 a month for expenses. I pay out almost $3000 a month with lake dues.
I always struggle to make ends meet and I get really resentful at times when I don't think things are fair. For example, he went to the Caribbean to do a divemaster internship last year to better himself and possibly get a job in the islands; for both of our futures. I agreed. Just this past Christmas he bought himself another gun (6 now) and I don't even spend the money to get my hair colored and cut. Sometimes he threatens me to just go back and live in his own house. I don't ask him to pay half of the mortgage because he will get no benefit when it is sold.
I am just not sure what is fair anymore and when I bring things up to discuss he just gets mad. He loves me very much and wants to get married, but financially I thought it best to wait until the kids are out of the house. Again I am 47, he is 46, and he does help with things around the house, wood for heating, fixing things, etc., but sometimes that is a chore because he doesn't want to put too much effort in for no reward. Help. Please. What is fair to expect?
By Louise B. 01/17/2014
I agree with the other posters. This man sounds like he is mooching off of you. I would insist that he contribute at least $500 (I personally think it should be more) to the cost of running the home, groceries, etc. If he is standing in as a step -parent, than he should be contributing to the whole household. If he lives in your house as your partner, he should contribute to the maintenance and care of the home, chores, cleaning, yard work, etc. because he lives there -- NOT as a favor to you. I think he sounds very immature, and I think you would be better off without him.
I live with my boyfriend, he owns the home so I didn't get a say in if it was affordable. However it's not bad either, but he lives there with his 2 kids, 10 and 11 years old. He would have to pay the mortgage anyways, it's not like I am taking up any space being that I share a room with him. Should I have to pay half the mortgage and utilities? How about food? My boyfriend thinks it's fair that I split that cost as well.
He makes almost twice as much as I do and has no bills what so ever. I'd like to get myself out of debt so we can have a future. I don't think it's fair I pay half of the food when I am only eating 1/4 of it, if that. I work through dinner hours and eat like a bird the rest of the time. His 2 kids eat twice as much as I can and my boyfriend eats 3 times as much as me. His food costs are astronomical.
Basically I took on a second job to do what he thinks is fair, but I am killing myself and he is saving money. Does any of that seem fair. How can I talk to him? I tried a couple of times and it almost resulted in our breaking up. He wants a girl who can pay half. I am almost positive he is looking at his benefit only.
By sweetsammy 01/02/2014
You should pay on things too. Like he buys school lunches and snacks because they are his kids. He should buy their bubble bath and personal care products. I am in a situation similar, but I am the one with the kids. My bf eats me out of house and home. It be wonderful if he even pitched in 1/4 of the rest of the groceries and 1/4 of the utilities, or maybe check in your area and see how much a room and board is, say it 500 a month for a room.
Then you give him that and tell him to buy his school snacks for the kids and you provide every 4th supper (that your there), buy your own pop, and treats. The key here is that you don't want him feeling like he's supporting you and you don't feel you are supporting him and his kids.
Here's the thing, my BF asked me to move in last month because he couldn't move to my city. He has 4 kids. So I quit my job (looking for a new one in his city now, but he doesn't want me to work because someone needs to stay at home when kids are off) and moved to his house. Before I moved in I offered to pay he said no. But now he wants me to help with all cost. I asked him what's "the cost" he listed: water, gas, electricity, mortgage (he owns 3 places) and car. He said, just pay what you think is fair. Before I moved in he asked me how much do I want to take care of the kids and everyday living. I said no, because I'm not a babysitter and since I'm with him, I will help him taking care of his kids for sure. BTW we are not engaged. To my opinion, it is OK to share the water bill, gas and electricity, but mortgage, it is not my house!
While reading your entry, it totally gave me the creeps with all the red flags. I fully agree with redhatterb, and add my own opinion.
First, he doesn't want you to work. That leaves you without "your own" money leaving you totally dependent on him. Not a good position to be in. If you ever decide to leave, lack of money can make it more difficult, and delay the decision. Don't put yourself in the position to be beholden to him.
Second, it sounds like you've already moved to his city. That's isolating you. Another tactic of abusers. (Not saying he is one, but be wary.)
He's already flip-flopped on his stance of how he wants you to contribute. It probably will likely to happen again and again. Get a formal agreement to help avoid potential problems. If he balks, see that as another "red flag."
Also, the fact that you put the question out asking for total strangers' opinions tells me that you, yourself, have doubts about this arrangement. Please be cautious. Go on the internet-- NOT at home (use the library, friend's, etc.)--and familiarize yourself with the signs of abuse: domestic and financial.
By redhatterb 10/19/2014
It sounds like you were taken for a sucker. He wants a built in baby sitter plus somebody to help with his living expenses. Considering he and his kids use more of all the things listed than you do. I would get the heck out of there.
It is my home, she recently moved in. I have a 16 and a 12 yr old that I have every other week. I do all of the cooking, cleaning, etc. She does do her own laundry.
Should she contribute to mortgage, utilities, groceries? She also runs her home business out of this house taking up the extra bedroom.
By Sandi/Poor But Proud 10/06/2014
If she is living there then no, she shouldn't be able to live there for free.
My boyfriend and I are moving in together. We have a 1 year old son and I have a 5 year old daughter. He bought a home last year and I bought one this year. The decision to move in together was made after our homes were purchased. He has found renters for his home so his mortgage (and more) is taken care of. We are planning on getting married in the next couple years.
He keeps saying he has no problem helping with the utilities, but I think he should help with the mortgage. Yes he is contributing to my equity, but as a result of living with me his home is gaining equity without him paying anything. What should I do and how should I approach this?
By Janet 05/31/2014
Sounds like a good deal for him. He will be making money, and paying out minimum. What will you get out of this deal: the pleasure of cleaning and cooking for him? If he doesn't care about making your live easier now, he never will. It's ALL about him.
My boyfriend moved in with me 6 months ago. I am a student and he is the owner of an organization. We share all the expenses. When we go shopping it is the same, but he eats twice or thrice my portion. Sometimes my parents have to send me money for upkeep with which I pay my part of rent. Do you think that's fair?
By Bryt M
By Louise B. 03/30/2014
There are many things to consider. Do you share cooking, laundry, cleaning and other chores equally? Is one person providing all of the furniture in the place, and is that your boyfriend? Each person contributing an equal amount is the usual way that room mates would divvy up expenses, but an arrangement between a couple might be more equitable if each person contributed according to their ability to do so. When my adult son was living with me, and earning money, I asked him to contribute 1/3 of the living expenses, as he was making much less than I was. He ate more than I did, but he did chores I couldn't do, such as shoveling snow off of the roof. If you feel hard done by, you need to have a talk with your boyfriend.
My boyfriend and I want to move in together. He says that he is "uncomfortable" with the idea of me being on the mortgage or the deed to the home. We've been together for three years. While I understand where he is coming from, I on the other hand am "uncomfortable" paying on a mortgage for a home that I'm not tied to. I myself want to own a home too. I haven't looked into buying a home because we have talked about moving in together.
We have five children between us and need a large home. I couldn't afford to buy a house big enough for all of us, but he can. He offered to have me help with the bills like utilities for an agreed amount of time until I was comfortable paying towards the mortgage. It's a nice gesture, but that won't make me feel any more comfortable. It seems as though he has this "what if this doesn't work out" mentality. I feel like I am being forced to think like that too now. If it doesn't work out I'm out on my bum with nothing and have to start over. Any advice?
By Louise B. 04/05/2014
This is certainly a tricky issue. You boyfriend is certainly not thinking that you are moving in with him for life, as if you were getting married. You need to find out what the law is in your state/province. Here in Saskatchewan, a couple that lives together for two years are considered to be married under common law, and whether your name was on the mortgage or not, you would own a share of the house. How much might depend on how much of the house he had paid for before you moved in (if he has been paying on this house for 10 years before you moved in, you would likely not be entitled to half the value of the house, you see).
Anyway, I think you should consult a lawyer about this arrangement, or at the very least try and find out what the law is. You could consider your contribution to the mortgage "rent", but I would certainly make sure your financial records clearly show who contributes what to the family home and its upkeep. I am also a believer in keeping separate bank accounts. My ex husband and I did that for our entire marriage. Our marriage did not suffer from money issues. We discussed and agreed upon our various financial responsibilities.
I been living in my boyfriend's house for over 4 years. He is divorced with 3 kids. I quit my job and moved out of my town into his. Because of the girls schedule, we have 50% of the time, I take care of them. We decided then that I wouldn't have to work, and I would stay home and take care of them. Meals, taking and picking up from school, help with homework, med appointments, basically everything a mother does. The ex-wife and I communicate about the children, as the bf (father) chooses not to. That is fine with everybody. He can't afford day care (kids are 10 and twins are 8).
Should I be paying rent or helping out financially even if I don't have a job. I also do the shopping, cleaning, laundry, meals, and bills. I don't mind helping financially, but I'm not sure what is fair? I can only get a job when he isn't at work, and he sometimes works 6 days full time. I have bought the kids clothes and shoes and other things, and I really shouldn't, but he can't always afford to. I have started an at home business, and at first he was supportive, but now he really isn't. It works good for me, because I can work from home. I'm just starting my own business. Should I stay or go? Help with finances or is taking care of his kids a fair swap?
By susan 03/25/2014
You have already given up your entire life for him and his family; and you do more than your share. Whoese idea was it for you to add to the financial expenses, his or yours? If his, he's definitely taking advantage of you; if yours, just drop the idea and bank the money.
If you have a good relationship with the kids and choose to treat them, go ahead and do it. If your relatonship with him is solid and you choose to treat him, great. You are under no obligation to do so, and until you'd get married, if the relatonship fails, you'd be the one walking away with nothing. Take care of yourself too--bank the rest.
I have lived with my boyfriend and his two children ages 7 and 12 in his house, that is paid off, for several years. We divide the expenses and he pays for the kids' expenses, electric, and some bills and I pay the groceries, cable, and landline phone. He pays for the taxes.
Keep in mind I have my own house that's paid for that I rent out, a job where I make double his income, and I pay the taxes there. My name only is on my house. I cook and maintain his house for all to live in, transport kids sometimes here and there, pick them up from school sometimes as he makes sure dinner is on table and clothes washed.
So, my question is once we get married, he wants to split his household and kids' expenses and then half of the house renovations (update furniture, countertops, etc. and repairs when they come up) and taxes and put this in a joint account. The house is in his name only and possibly his children.
I assume if something were to happen to him, they would get the house. Is this reasonable to pay for a home I don't own although we are living there as man and wife and pay half the taxes. We live in Florida so I believe there a equity law.
By cybergrannie 01/25/2014
I believe you will find that Florida goes by what is in a will or a prenuptial document so you really need to get some expert advice (may be costly!) before committing to anything.
My boyfriend has lost his home and is livng in a run down rental of his own. I know he is having financial problems, but he doesn't discuss them with me. He doesn't know I know he lost his house. He spends every night at my house and leaves in the morning when I do. He is a licensed realtor, but has not been doing a lot to get any new listings. He has been delivering firewood to make money. I buy all the groceries and pay all the bills, I own the house and pay the mortgage. I have not asked him for any money to cover his half of the food or utilities; I keep waiting for him to offer. I get up in the morning and make coffee and either cook breakfast or have cereal. When I get home from work, I cook dinner. He doesn't even offer to do the dishes. I do love him and he would probably help me with the chores if I asked and give me $ too. I guess the problem is I do not know how to approach the subject with him. I do his laundry too. How can I discuss this tactfully with him?
By cybergrannie 12/21/2013
Hi- I believe you need to a take long hard look at this relationship as it seems you are doing ALL the giving with very little in return.
From what you have stated it appears the way your boyfriend is acting is his "normal" self and may not see any reason to change - even if moving out is the choice.
It also appears that he has his own place and has no intention of "sharing" anything very personal with you.
Take a look at what you are getting out of this and decide if you are satisfied or if you love him enough to live like this or are you just afraid of living alone (without this boyfriend)? Relationships like this do not seem to last over time or just as long as you are willing to let him "do his thing" and do not make any waves.
Hopefully you have a confident (that does not gossip & can keep a secret) that you could be very truthful with and maybe get an unbiased opinion? Being truthful with yourself (looking at all the pros and cons) may help you make some decisions that are yours alone to make.
I have just found out I am pregnant and therefore my boyfriend and I are now looking to move in together. I plan to go back to work after the baby is born and work about 30 hours a week. He works as a PT and only works about 15-20 hours a week, usually outside of times I work. Therefore it seems like we could make it work, however he is now talking about sharing money completely which makes me nervous. I know we will now be a "family" however I'm still wanting my independence. How can I have both? Also, he has a house which he rents out and he has to add to it each week to pay the mortgage. He is looking to put this into a trust so I cannot have any claim on it (fair enough). However, if we are sharing money then am I not technically paying for some of it without having any claim? It's all so hard to talk about and is driving me insane!
By Marg 11/04/2013
This guy wants to have his cake, eat it and get you to help pay for it! You want to keep your independence. Are you moving in just for the sake of the baby or do you love each other? I do wonder what would happen if for any reason you couldn't work for a time after the baby is born.
It all needs discussing and believe me, if you can't talk now it just gets harder as you go along. I agree with Redhatterb, something sounds off. Please think it over good and hard. Best of luck.
Marg from England.
Should I contribute to my partner's mortgage if his house is going to his four kids when he dies? We are getting married and he wants a pre-nup that says his kids get the house, yet I am contributing and could be for years. Or should I just be paying my half?
By Denise L
By Elizabeth Reynolds 10/20/2013
Lousy deal for you! Don't pay a penny toward that house, but instead open a savings account in your name only and contribute monthly. You'll need it when he dies and leaves you homeless. I'm thinking you two need some serious counseling before you make a commitment to him. I would personally be insulted if a man tried to make a deal like that with me. Fortunately, I've been married for 43 years to a wonderful man who would never treat me like that. Think about it, please.
My GF of 2 and a half yrs is moving in with me. It was a mutual decision based on us wanting to be together. We are 50 yrs old. She previously had an apartment for which she paid roughly a $1000 a month in rent plus all the utilities that go with an apt (gas, electric, cable, water). I own a home with a $1300 monthly mortgage. Here comes the problem. She agrees to pay half of the utilities, but is having a problem paying anything towards the mortgage. I don't expect her to pay half, but if she pays nothing then she is living rent free which I don't think is right What do you think is fair?
By Sandy 07/15/2013
Have her split the utilities, but pitch in for groceries 50/50. I would have a problem contributing to a mortgage if my name was not on the deed also. And if you love each other, what's the big deal? I was able to contribute greatly to my families income during the past 25 years, I got sick and now I don't have much financial contribution. My husband loves me and does not care. It's not about the money. Don't nitpick, you might lose her.
I live with my boyfriend. I own the house free and clear, except I just built a 2 car garage with a small mortgage that I pay for. Should he help pay for homeowners insurance and property taxes since he is living here? We split all other shared expenses - food, utilities, gym, etc. We pay individually for clothes, personal expenses. etc.
By dna53 06/26/2013
Does he pay rent anywhere? If yes then no, he should not pay the other expenses. But if he pays no rent, then he should pay half of those expenses as well.
I am a student out my country and I have boyfriend like me. He works, but I can not find a job. From the first date we have lived together, some times in his house some times in my dormitory. After the summer we are back again from our country to Cyprus and he insist to live only in his house.
My question is, how can I share my expenses with him? Actually I do everything in house like a housewife, but at the time of shopping for household supplies, we share the expenses. At this point it makes me sad not for lack of money, because I think he doesn't care. I don't know what to do? Please help me.
By Kathy 09/05/2012
Move out. You are not married, not legally obligated to stay. Why are you "acting" like a wife? Even wives have benefits such as part ownership of property, medical benefits from husband's job if not from her own. I'm always amused when people just "live together" they think they have all the rights of a married couple. There's a lot more to marriage than just living together.
My boyfriend of three years moved in with me a little over a year ago due to loss of a job in his city and him finding one in mine. I have two daughters that are 18 and 21 and still live with me. He buys groceries from week to week and spends about $300 - $400 a month but has not offered to pay any rent or utilities.
How should I approach him to share in these expenses too as he is living with us full time? The house is only in my name. Thanks.
By Robin from New Orleans, LA
By cdoss 04/05/2010
Talking money is tough. It's one of the hardest things on any relationship. Tell him you'd like to set aside some time for the two of you to discuss finances. Agree on a time when both of you will be fairly relaxed and not running late to some other appointment. Then, just tell him how you feel. Literally say "I feel... " Avoid saying things like "you never..." or "you always..."
If you have a good relationship and he's a good man, using kind, not accusing wording you should be able to work out a more fair arrangement. Saying something like "I really appreciate your buying groceries. It helps a lot. But I feel that we're not splitting our overall living expenses in a fair way and want to discuss how we could make it more fair."
In my mind, I would think he should be paying somewhere between 1/4 to 1/2 of all living expenses, depending on what your kids financial situations are (if they're full time students I don't think they should be expected to pay as much as if they're simply working) You may want to figure what the total monthly expenses are before you sit down together. It's honesly possible that he simply isn't aware that 300 - 400 a month isn't his fair share.
By Beth 04/02/2010
You really need to know what the monthly expenses total before you can approach him. That includes everything you pay for and everything he pays for. And to be fair, keep in mind that if you break up, the house is still yours so I wouldn't try to make him pay for a full half of your mortgage. You need to come up with something fair for the living expenses you both share.
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