The mother's side and his side do not mix well. Anyway, even though I am not her mother, she does look at me as her stepmother. So is it up to me? I don't know what the protocol is. Help?
It is inappropriate for any direct family member of the bride or groom to host a shower. Since you are in relation that way (being the father's girlfriend) it is also inappropriate. It is Emily Posts opinion that direct family members hosting a shower would seem forward in asking for gifts by throwing the shower themselves. Close friends, Aunts, etc. is perfectly acceptable. It can even be hosted at a parents house, as long as the parent is not he host.
I would have 2 separate showers. Ask close members of each side to join you in hosting and planning each one.
I would think that maybe the bridal party or other friends should host the shower in the circumstances. It would be nice of you to offer to host or help, but I don't think you should feel obligated to do so. JMHO.
I would let the family host her family one. However, you said the 2 sides of the family don't mix well. After they have her shower, you may also host a 2nd one if they fail to invite the other side of the family, or don't invite her friends.
There is nothing wrong with a bride having more than one shower, however normally you don't invite the same people to each.
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