SPAM Fruitcake (Joke Recipe - Do NOT eat)

Ingredients

  • 10 undented cans of SPAM
  • 5 bags of those horrible little jellied fruits
  • 2 bags of those repulsive, unidentified nuts for texture
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  • 1 box cheap, sticky brown cake mix
  • 8 tablespoons powdered Portland cement
  • 1 tube epoxy resin
  • 1 bag M&M's

Directions

Using the little keys, carefully open SPAM cans, then treat bleeding fingers. CAREfully and properly dispose of SPAM (contact the EPA and Nuclear Regulatory Commission for detailed instructions and impact statements.) Microwave cans for 10 minutes to insure sterility; ignore the sparks and funny noises.

Replace microwave.

Combine jellied fruits and nuts in a large bowl and mix well. Prepare cake mix as close to instructions as is convenient, folding in cement, epoxy and fruit/nut mixture. QUICKLY fill SPAM cans with mixture and solder lids back on. Beautifully gift-wrap each can and mail to all those miserable, lazy ingrates who sent YOU fruitcakes last year. Discard contaminated dishes and utensils, sit on couch and eat entire bag of M&M's in order of color preference.

By Christi from Paducah, KY

December 11, 20060 found this helpful

Hilarious! Thanks. I needed a good laugh today.

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December 11, 20060 found this helpful

Listen, some of MY relatives would eat that stuff and say it was very good fruitcake.

Of course, I prefer the ONLY decent fruitcake in America, the one from Mary of Puddin' Hill Farms in Texas. Their Macadamia nut pie is so good you want to roll in the hay with it. It's like a blond pecan pie. Too bad I can't eat that much sugar.

Now just move over, you with the M&Ms. I just got my order of custom colors from their online order site. Let's see who can eat the most in four seconds.

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December 13, 20060 found this helpful

Yes, this is funny...B U T, I LOVE, LOVE< love, FRUITCAKE, and my dearest friend/closest relative, (now deceased)and kindest most giving/loving human that I ever knew worked her heart out saving all year on her meager income so that she could buy the expensive ingredients make her rum fruitcakes early and let them "ferment" the fruit into the delicacy of all times, better than our VERY expensive

Corsicana, TX Bakery Fruitcakes. Everyone I knew literally FOUGHT over them!! (I know, you can't please everyone with all jokes [or everyone all the time], but this one hit too close to home...sorry.) God bless you. : )

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December 16, 20060 found this helpful

That is probably the funniest thing I have ever heard. Not only could you send it to the people who sent you fruitcake, but also to many others as well. I love pulling pranks and just had to tell you that I love your sense of humor.

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June 22, 20070 found this helpful

Really funny. Thank you. My nephews are going to have fun making this one. HAHA

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November 2, 20080 found this helpful

Hey funny funny recipe Christi. I posted it in a site where I am the Recipes Channel Site Steward. www.helium.com. I invite you to come see your recipe posted there in the community boards and join helium too if you're interested. It is a wonderful, friendly writers group. If youd like to join give me a quick email and Ill send you an invitation. Thanks for the great recipe, we all got a good laugh from it! reilashak@msn.com heres the link to the post where I quoted you. http://www.helium.com/smf/index.php?topic=40463.0

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