How to do I get back my self confidence? I have been hit with some setbacks that have rocked me to the core, my self confidence right now is at zero. Does anyone have any tips on getting it back?
By Lynda from Kearny, NJ
Just listening to an interview on the radio with the local public health nurse on a subject called psychological first aid, which the need can come from disasters, grief, illness, etc. You need to find someone who can listen to you talk, sometimes that is the first basic need. If you need more assistance, it does not suggest a neighbor or family, but a pastor, social worker, others who are trained in helping.
My issues always stay the level of talking to a friend. Join a volunteer situation, read to kids at the library, volunteer at the local nursing home, etc. Those are starters without a lot of commitment until you are ready. As you build your self confidence, you can take bigger steps in making goals.
One of my sons is a TKD Master and confidence building block. He often gets students who make great strides in finding themselves and self respect. Finding a class like that, or self defense class will help with your assurance.
Okay, I'm going to come at this from a different angle. Long story, short, is while I was in counseling/therapy, my therapist encouraged me to look outside of my situation. I thought about how I could do this and decided to volunteer at our local senior center. I was seized by fear that I had nothing to offer, boy was I wrong. While my goal was to be of assistance to the members of the center, the most amazing thing was, my self confidence grew in leaps and bounds.
The gratitude of those I worked with, blew me away, so much gratitude, for so little I had done. I felt valued and accepted, and my transformation was nothing short of amazing. And being able to help someone else and focus on their needs, took my eyes off of myself. It really reprioritized my life, giving back was an awesome feeling, with the realization that everyone, even me, has something to offer. Look for somewhere that can meet you time constraints, you'll literally be amazed at how many options there are to volunteer all around you.
A lot of the time when we feel this way it is because someone has done this TO us. We need to know that we are not second-rate because someone has hurt us. We are still valuable people and we can hold our heads up because we are still worthy. Also remember that this is just a 'stage' in your life, and it WILL pass, even though right now it doesn't feel that way. I hope this helps.
Oh Lynda, I am so sorry! Now, not knowing the details, I can just offer you ways to re-think about yourself. Make a list of all your good qualities and things you like about yourself. it can be as simple as, " I have pretty feet." Or, " I am a good mother/daughter/neighbor." Make sure you take the time to write it all down. There is something important about seeing ourselves on paper. Then, concentrate on those good things. I'm sure you have a tape recording going on in your head of the bad things that "rocked your self esteem." You need to replace that "tape recording" with the good things about yourself. Every single time a bad thought creeps into your head, say to yourself, "stop it. I am a good person. I am a good wife/mother/neighbor. I have a nice smile etc." And lastly, challenge yourself by taking up a new hobby or learning a new skill. It can be anything. Learn how to knit. Learn how to speak Spanish. Learn how to cook. Learn how to change a tire. Learn how to use power tools. Whatever the challenge you choose, you will enjoy accomplishing something that you never knew you could do before! That will build your self confidence. Good luck with everything!
Keep in the back of your mind that you are created in the very image of God. He made you and you are very precious to Him. Just ask Him, listen closely and He will tell you.
I think Linda and PainterLe are right on. I too had a problem, and decided it just wasn't humanly possible to be 100% wrong, so I was going to get my "right" part and start there!
good luck, can be done!
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