Is it customary to ask your son to see a list of the gifts he received from your family members and friends (not the bride's side) at his wedding?
Zimmy from Providence, RI
It is not only not customary, it's nobody's business but the bride and groom's. They are the ones who will be writing thank you notes, so they're really the only ones who need that information.
Let the new couple handle their own affairs and form their own opinions. Newlyweds have a hard enough time as it is without HER family and HIS family starting these stupid little wars!
If you are worried about giving a duplicate gift, you could just ask them if anyone has given them the item yet, or ask them if there's anything they didn't get that they need. Or give money or a gift card. Other than that, I can't really think of any reason anybody else needs to know what they received... Can I ask why you are curious about this?
Can we ask what the reason is you need the info? I think then we could answer your question better.
Yes. I too wondered why you needed to know. If it's because you want to check who has given the most expensive gift against others who have given a cheaper thing.. well.. that's not too nice. Sorry!
But if it's because you really do not want to dupiicate.. he is your SON after all, so couldn't you just casually say.. 'Id' like to give you a..........
do you already have one? or is there something you and (bride) particularly want that I could get for you?"
I'm taking a different opinion here. I believe it's the reason "why" you want to see the list that's important.
If you are nosy and want to see who spent what amount of money, then it's none of your business.
If your husband has a friend who's daughter is getting married, and they sent a gift to your son for his wedding, you don't know them well, and you need to buy them a gift but have no earthly idea of what/or how much to spend and don't want to insult them--that's different. Still, you could just ask your son.
Maybe your reason, and this happened in my family to my cousin, is that your son and his wife didn't keep track of who bought what. Thank-yous were sent to only a handful of people for the wrong gifts, and they were complaining to the parent (my aunt) about it. She took it upon herself to get the list in order so everyone could be thanked properly. Yes, it's the couple's duty, but some aren't as responsible as others.
Or maybe the list of family and friend is so big that you simply want to keep track of who sent what, so when it comes time for you to buy for their children, you'll have an idea of what to spend. While I usually believe that gifts should be bought according to how close you are to the person, sometimes you get unexpected gifts and are not too sure how to reciprocate. I remember that when I got married, my husband's stepfather's brother --my husband's step-uncle-- came to our wedding with his wife and their four teen-age children (they failed to RSVP), brought his brother-in-law with his wife and her two children (all uninvited--we didn't even know them) and his wife's mother (also uninvited--didn't know her either). They all ate at the sit-down dinner -- taking plates of food from invited family and friends who ended up being upset since they had RSVP and now had nothing to eat, and for a gift only gave us $5.00 total! Everyone wanted to know what was going on here.
I shared my list with our families. We understood who was on rough times and didn't have much money to spend on gifts, who was extremely generous, and who just plained mooched on food and booze. It was an eye-opening experience for all of us.
I'd have to wonder why any parent would want to see a list of gifts received. I have never heard of such a thing, and if my parents or inlaws would ask to see the list I'd say NO. If there's a specific question in regards to gifts, you could ask. Otherwise it's really only the newlywed couple's business.
Well I disagree w/most of the posts. My son and his lovely bride just married this weekend. I would like to know about the wedding gifts they received so that when I run into friends and relatives I can add my thanks for their having remembered them. Perhaps that comes from our being from the south and in a relatively small community. I have no dark intentions, it's not to compare who gave what - I couldn't care less. It is about expressing appreciation to those I come in contact with who thought enough of our children to give them a remembrance. I must admit I was quite surprised at the responses in the negative!! Everyone jumped to a sinister conclusion as to why the original poster wanted to know. Seems to me there were more negative vibes on their part that on the part of the poor grooms mother!! We aren't all busy bodies wanting to stir up trouble!
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