The question of "What are you willing to change in your life to achieve your goal?" kept filtering through my mind, and I realized the answer was not using the words "give up" interchangeably with the word "change" in that phrase until I was able to understand the difference.
The most reasonable and surest way to achieve my goal was to just quit, and then deal with the aftermath in a very pro-active way. Yes, it was a "guts" move that many people wouldn't be able to handle, but with my husband's support and the knowledge that I would be the one handling "the aftermath," I quit, and then never looked back with regret. That doesn't mean it was easy, but my goal of making this work for both of us was tantamount to everything else.
After taking the first two weeks to just rest, recuperate and think, I began listing all the changes on paper that needed to be made, which included carefully guarding the resources that my husband continued to bring into our lives as well as finding new venues of producing income or additional resources based on what we already had.
Some decisions were just plain easy, such as canceling a standing weekly appointment at the beauty salon for hair and a manicure or eating out numerous nights a week because there was no time to fix meals, but even then, I knew this was only the tip of the iceberg.
The first major decision was to sell our home, which was way too big and costly for the two of us. Two people who want a simpler lifestyle don't need or want an executive home with four bedrooms, four bathrooms, a three-and-a-half car garage, etc. (You know your house is too big for you when two of the bathrooms are regularly dusted rather than cleaned because of non-use!)
The 3,000+ sq. ft. house sold relatively quickly, and then came the task of finding a smaller house. When I found that much smaller house still within convenient driving distance of my husband's employment, then began the monumental task of downsizing our possessions to fit our new abode, which was slightly more than 1,200 sq. ft. That was perhaps the most sizeable job of all, and required several garage and consignment sales. (You know you have too many clothes when your yearly wardrobe requires two full-sized walk-in closets!)
After we moved came the adjustment period of being content and happy in a smaller home, and that did take some getting used to. My husband could care less what type of house we lived in, but I had initial difficulty because nothing "fit" properly according to my former lifestyle. This was a mental change I needed to make, and through home improvement projects and fixing what didn't work for me such as non-functioning closets and antiquated storage cupboards, within the first year, I grew to love that much smaller and unpretentious home. As I worked through the process of making each room or space as functional and comfortable as possible for the least amount of expended money, I found I still had too many possessions. (A smaller home means fewer possessions, which means less to clean and take care of! I established the rule that I had to be able to see all three walls of any cupboard or closet to avoid clutter or unnecessary stuff.)
Simultaneously, I began to tackle the financial problems of not having a significant savings program, but having an ample amount of credit card debt. This portion of downsizing our lives required constant attention, but I discovered some wonderful surprises that seemed so obvious in hindsight.
For example, the more time I spent in the kitchen making our meals without the aid of convenience foods, the more we skipped eating out and the less I was spending on groceries. The more time I spent in formulating grocery lists according to what was on sale, and establishing and then using a price book, the more funds were available out of the grocery budget for using on eliminating credit card debt.
The biggest and most important life lesson I learned was that I could waste our resources by not being careful how I used them. I found that if I minded the pennies, the dollars would take care of themselves. I cut out all the extraneous spending I could because I wanted to make sure I didn't have to re-enter the job market again.
I established a small kitchen garden to supplement our fresh vegetable, fruit and herb needs, and loved the small brick patio and bench area we built together for free under a shade tree near the garden. (Nothing beat enjoying an early morning cup of coffee while sitting on that bench just looking at a beautiful growing garden!)
I realized I only needed two pair of jeans - one for everyday and a good pair. I needed only a couple pair of shoes, one casual jacket and one dressier coat, etc. (You find you don't need two or three dressy evening outfits if your daily lifestyle dictates jeans and tennies!)
I realized I didn't need magazine subscriptions or daily newspapers because with the internet and a television, I could meet my needs without unnecessary costs. (You will love how little you then have to recycle, too!)
I realized that I didn't need to buy coffee or soda when I was out shopping but could reward myself quite nicely with a cup of coffee at home once I was done.
I realized that if I saved daily change instead of carrying it in my purse and then spending it, I could control the amount of money dribbling out of my hands. Each month, I would then roll the change and bank it in our savings account. (This later translated to saving all change plus $1 bills for both of us and if you don't think that doesn't amount to some sizeable savings, then just try saving it for one week to see what is getting away from you!)
I realized that if you pay yourself first into a savings account or better yet, do so through a payroll deduction direct deposit into your savings account, within six months, you will have a sizeable balance. (You can then maximize this account to also serve as your emergency funds account, but roll over into a longer-term, more productive interest bearing account when it gets beyond what you need for an emergency fund so that your money will work for you!)
I realized that we didn't need two vehicles if I planned my errands and "need to do" trips to coincide with weekends or times that my husband's vehicle was available to me. (Eliminating one vehicle also eliminates payments, fuel, licensing, taxes, etc.!)
I realized that we were more than content to provide our own entertainment at a much less expensive cost if we availed ourselves of what was offered at a much reduced rate or even free within our own community. (The symphony orchestra didn't fold because we were no longer dues-paying members!)
I realized we didn't need more than one credit card, and that no credit cards should ever be carrying a balance. I realized that paying cash for everyday expenses such as gasoline are way more frugal and cost effective than having to write out checks, expend postage, etc., to get a credit card bill paid.
I realized that if I could contain the outflow of money on credit cards as well as daily living expenses, I could much better control how much of that money stayed in my pocket, thereby lessening expenses each month. (Credit cards breed carelessness in me when it comes to handling money and yet cold, hard cash in my hand is likely to stay in my hand!)
I realized we didn't need to be spending up to one thousand dollars on gifts and holiday functions each year for friends and family members, but with careful planning and an attentive eye towards sales throughout the year, we could meet those needs just as nicely at a fraction of the cost.
I realized that every bit of information I needed to acquire on a simpler, more frugal lifestyle could probably be found on the internet. (You will be amazed at the wealth of information to be found on the internet, and how much you can learn to make a simpler, more frugal lifestyle a reality for your family. I am not talking about an austere lifestyle - just one that is more satisfying, more fulfilling, and not necessarily based on how much money you can spend to achieve your goals.)
Through downsizing our lifestyle, we were also able for the first time to meet and then exceed the ten percent tithe. And by reading and researching ways to get the credit card debt under control, we have finally realized that dream. (There are numerous sites on the web for strategic debt reduction and if you haven't availed yourself of these incredibly useful and free sites, I strongly recommend it. When you understand how important this step is and how easily it can be accomplished with today's internet sites that formulate your "plan of attack" on debt, you will have half the battle won! It is very possible for middle-income families to strategically reduce their debt load by thousands of dollars every year.)
Today, our lifestyle is very simple, very frugal but not stingy towards us or the things we want to do. Our expectations of what we "need" in this life are separated out from our "wants", and we know the difference. We are now devoid of undue stress and compromises in our life, and we are happier than we have ever been. We have a financial plan we can live within comfortably while meeting our expectations and know our future is as secure as we can make it. We look forward to each new day as a gift from God to be enjoyed and counted as a blessing.
And I personally would do it all over again in a heartbeat for the benefits we have received from this adventure!
Ronsan from Southwest Missouri
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Nice story. You have definitely demonstrated your knowledge of need and want. Most people never learn the difference. Hopefully your story will encourage others!
When I quit working and went on disability: I enlarged my garden, keep it up totally be myself, can and freeze the extra produce, do all the cooking, dishes and baking, do all the grocery shopping, balance the checkbooks, pay all the bills, take care of the tax stuff, assess, and do all errands, am waiting for repairmen (phone, appliance, etc), do all the laundry and cleaning, take care of the pets, get up early while my husband sleeps to make his breakfast and pack his lunch, take care of doctor's appointments, do most of the yard work, do the mending, make gifts, gas the vehicles, clean the carpets, hold yard sales, scrimp and save, and do a million small things that save us money.
Our savings accounts, investments, and IRAs have never been in better shape. I've talked to my husband about looking for a part time job, but he wants me right where I am--making his life easier by staying home and taking care of what needs to be done.
He simply doesn't feel as stressed as he used to be when things got overlooked because we were both so busy. I've worked since I was 14 years old, 10-12 hour days for decades, and do not feel guilty for being home now.
My Daughter was a basket case as a stay-at-home Mom with a mentally challenged now 16 year old son and 11 year old brother. My Daughter is happier in the workplace and loves her job. She loves her boys but her husband is the one with more control and patience with the kids. Her husband is lucky enough to have a work schedule that allows him the flexibility to take care of things such as emergencies. Her husband does most of the cooking which he loves.
My Daughter brings home more money, works more hours and gets way more help out of her husband since going back to work. When my Son-In-Law worked long hours he didn't have much of a relationship with his sons. Now it warms my heart to see them together. My Daughter has a much better relationship with her boys and she seems much more relaxed and less stressed.
If a woman chooses to quite her job and do nothing I'd say she is freeloading. Same for the man. But I "sorta" do understand where some of the men are coming from. I've seen too many women staying home after their kids have entered school, doing nothing but crafts and/or contributing little in the way of home maintenance.
More women need to take more responsibility when it comes to yard work, home repairs, etc. Being married is a supposed to be a joint effort and too many men and women aren't pulling their weight which is reason for the high divorce rate.
Why the comments about this lady leaving her hubby with all the bills? A few years back I took an early retirement, my income went way down. My hubby encouraged it! I, like this lady, watch every penny, garden, and take care of our home. My husband loves the homecooked meals, and the fact I am happier being a homemaker.
I am in the same age group as the lady who originally posted. I do not have a husband to pay the bills, but I am fortunate to have a job I love. I also have a daughter who was accepted into a prestigious college, but I have to pay for her living away from home to attend it. We already have a downsized house so no savings there. The only route I have is mindful spending. I try to only make purchases that are either essential or are fundamental to quality of life- which can be subjective. The lady with the big house to sell who doesn't have to work is in an enviable position, I guess. But my mother was married to a doctor and never had to work. I am physically and mentally in far better shape than she was at my age. Being the ship that must stay afloat keeps your senses keen. There are advantages to not having certain advantages.
Good for you. As a debtor nation, society conveys the message that it is alright to take on debt in pursuit of a lifestyle based on consumption, convenience, and yes debt. Yet, as illustrated by the author we can live a simple life and be happy. As a lifelong "consumer" not living a frugal lifestyle it is encouraging to hear stories like this, particularly the younger commentators, committing to live life on terms acceptable to them and not based on what their friends and neighbors might think or have that they do not.
I enjoyed reading this article and all the comments. I can see both sides. I guess after having the luxury of living in a 3000 sq ft house and having too much, living the "frugal" life seems enticing. A lot of people are living the "frugal" life out of necessity and hope to one day live in a 3000 sq ft house.
I'm shocked by the anti-feminist comments about leaving a husband to pay all the bills while she "does nothing." In case you didn't read properly, she had her husband's support in quitting. And she isn't doing nothing. She's making a home for them to enjoy, planting a garden, planning home-cooked meals, and cutting the car maintenance in half. My husband is glad I'm home! It's a relief to him that when he's done working at his job, he doesn't have to come home and cook, clean, shop, fix things, etc. That's MY new job, for which I often joke he pays me his entire salary. ;-) Having a job and killing yourself for other people doesn't make you a feminist or a stronger woman. Being SMART and living life on your own terms, in a way that's good for you AND your husband makes you a better woman. Isn't that what being a feminist is SUPPOSED to be all about?
Man, I wish I could experience a "non frugal life" like this lady had before quitting her job! LOL
I am 24, my fiance is 30- we have a 5 yr old, a baby due in 6 weeks, are in the process of buying a house, just paid off our truck, and now I am staying at home to save on daycare expenses. We can't really comfortably afford to buy a house right now, BUT the mortgage will be less than we pay for rent (which we also can't do very comfortably either!).
I am the sort of person who likes to garden, recycle and reuse, make my own products for baby, cleaning, etc. So, I guess I am lucky there- I never fell into the high roller brand name only lifestyle like so many people do. I think of being frugal as being smart- I'd rather tuck $ into an RESP for my kiddos than have a $100 haircut.
I give the author of this artice respect for her decision- she says she did it with her hubbys support, so all the power to her- and some of her ideas are ones we use daily too- coin rolling, etc...
If you think your life will be happier, simpler, and less stressed by doing this, all the power to you!
I don't wanna upset anybody here, but the way I see it from my (biased) italian point of view, she has not reached a frugal lifestyle, but a *normal* lifestyle. If she has been able to quit her job, and still live comfortably (with a closer eye on expenses), she were simply spending a lot more than needed. I know this is the point of the whole story, but it must be clear that all the money-saving steps she describes are well-known and useless when one applies them already struggling with little income to make ends meet. I mean, she had a 3000 sq. ft. house !!! Mind you, people still exist who pay rents for their homes...
Agreeing with the above comments, in regards to credit vs cash. Rewards, convenience, robbery... all are issues where credit comes out ahead.
Also, I'd say dump the TV and keep up your magazine subscriptions.
But you've left your husband with all the bills! It's nice that you get to stay home all day and pursue the day-dreams you may have often had sitting at a desk in Corporate America, but the inevitable fact is, you effectively made things more difficult for him. You've sacrificed him to your alter of relaxation and contentment and, simultaneously, pushed the women's liberation movement back about 10 years. What about your husband? What about his dreams of not working and relaxation? If he loses his job, you're both sunk.
Note: You could've had the simpler lifestyle WITHOUT giving up your job - such as just by downsizing your home - and you'd be left with a lot more money socked away in the bank.
I had to laugh at the 6/12 comment by John about a guy never being able to leave a job and have a supportive wife - I am a "househusband", who got laid-off twice in 2 years and hasn't held a full-time job in 4 years. I do work on projects a few times a year (video production), but make a tenth of what I did before.
We're both so happy to have simplified our lives and, while I plan on returning to full-time work within the next year or so, I wouldn't give up the peace of mind I've gained during this time. I used to have occasional trouble sleeping, took medicine to help with work-related depression, and was pretty darn miserable. Leaving a career that affected me so much could only be better.
I've always done all the cooking and a lot of the cleaning, enjoy repairs and restorations, and am fortunate enough to have an amazingly understanding and supportive wife - she's often told me she'd rather me stay unemployed forever rather than be miserable.
Life isn't all about buying things, keeping up with the Joneses, driving yourself crazy - it's about friends, family, and personal satisfaction. Once you simplify things like the author here, saving money falls into place - if you can't afford it, just don't buy it; you probably don't need it anyway.
Screw everyone else - enjoy life and do what you want!
How true! My family and I went through a strikingly similar process and also discovered the peace of mind and joy that comes from a simplified lifestyle. In a culture that screams "faster!, faster!; more!, more!", there is pleasant peace and joy in slowing down and smelling some roses. Less really can be more.
Comment to Tom: If my husband chose to quit his job and stay home then we would find a way! However, it would most likely mean that we might both have to work part-time! I know several men (in Oklahoma) that have given up their careers to be stay-at-home Dads when their children were born! I say good for them!!!! :o)
This is so much my life! I talk to people around me and you would think that I was some kind of alien being for giving up everything we had to have a simpler life.
I walked away from my career (with my husband's support) a little over a year ago. It has been tough re-learning to live a normal lifestyle. We went from having expensive luxury vehicles to having two Hyundai accents. Which I absolutely adore, since it reminds me of my old Ford Escort back in the 80's that I loved dearly!
Thank you for letting me know that there really are others out there that feel the same way as I do....that having to kill yourself at a job and live on two paychecks is just not worth it!!!! Life is too short for that!
I hear a lot of people decrying credit cards as if the plastic itself was somehow made of Satan's hide. If you have self-control and are level-headed it is perfectly fine to have more than one credit card. However, if you routinely carry a balance you qualify as having neither. Why have more than one? I've had credit cards FROZEN on me by me credit card issuer because my purchases tripped some algorithm and their security people got nervous. I was in NY, trying to buy some tickets for a Broadway show and my credit card kept getting denied. I have NEVER carried a balance on purpose (once or twice let the bill go a bit longer than I should have) and if I did not have a SECOND card, it would have been difficult to get those tickets. Getting off-topic, yes, but there is nothing wrong with more than one card.
wow, interesting story, one think that seams to be strange is..you quit you job and left your husband standing there holding the bills with his pay check wile you sat at home, hmmmmm, women have it made in this country, men are very dumb.....
to all you men out there...try to quit your job and stay home....see how fast you get kicked out of your own home and still pay her bills........
I just find it interesting, that it's probably only in America where having too much money from a stable job, and too many possessions, to be a problem.
In regards to your use of cash to pay for the "everyday expenses," I wouldn't be so quick to jump at this method. I personally never carry a balance on my credit card from month to month, however I use it to buy as much of my small purchases as I can.
For three reasons:
1) It allows me to quickly logon to the credit card website and view how much I've spent and where exactly my money is going.
2) Rewards. Since I don't carry a balance, my interest rate is of course 0.0%, therefore I get rewards and points from my credit card company just for buying my everyday items which can amount to a few hundred dollars worth of airline tickets or even cash.
3) Cashback. Some cards offer cashback at a certain percentage each year, thereby giving you even more money back.
In answer to your complaint of having to "write out checks, expend postage, etc., to get a credit card bill paid," many banks that offer online banking services allow you to send checks for free or even pay electronically, which is what I do. Paying my bill is as simple as checking my balance at the credit card website, and going to my online banking website and sending that amount of money to my credit provider. Done in less than 3 minutes.
Thank you so much for your wonderful insight into a simpler lifestyle.
This is my heart's desire and something we are working toward.
We are in the process of selling some our home to downsize into a
much smaller house. It is scary but exciting and we can't wait to see
what the Lord has in store.
Thanks again for the encouragement!
My husband and I just recently found DaveRamsey.com. His website's good and he has a radio talk show. He is just fantastic and his principles/strategies are great. My husband and I are in our 20's and I'm so glad we found him at this age because we've saved ourselves a lifetime of financial problems.
Bankrate.com (Debt Pay-Down Adviser or Strategically Accelerated Debt Pay-Down Schedule) is the one I used. I was absolutely amazed at this program, which requests you to list the amounts and types with interest rates you want to pay down. The computer program does all the work, and you get a month by month pay down ON ALL OF THEM when the program is finished. You instantly have an easy to read, workable plan and I was never asked for payment of any kind. Make sure you have the necessary information such as interest rate, current balance due, whether fixed re-payment schedule, etc., before you begin the program or at least quick access to that info. I printed the sheets out at the end of the program run, and then followed it to the letter. The program even tells you, based on the answers you have given, how many months it will take you to pay-down the debts by following the customized accelerated payment plan that has been prepared. The program adheres to the principle that you should first pay-down the highest after-tax interest rate. The program is NOT based on how much income you have now although it does factor in any windfall or pay raises that you may be expecting. I highly recommend this site as it provides you with the fastest and cheapest way to pay-down your debt load. Good luck to you!
Thank you so much for this great essay! Would you mind sharing the names of websites you cite that would help strategically reduce debt? My husband and I have been paying off about 100,000 of college and credit debt. I seem to find lots of sites that want us to pay $40 to get a plan, which is difficult for us right now. Do you have specific examples of good sites to use? Thanks!
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