|
It started innocently enough. 'What are you doing for your daughter's birthday?'
'Just having family over. We'll take photos and give her a cookie.'
My grandmother brought over an expensive cake instead. Since we didn't pay for it, I wasn't concerned. The large volume of toys, however, did. They took up space and my daughter only played with a few. By her second birthday, most of those toys had been given to charity.
Then came the second birthday. 'So what are you doing for your daughter?'
'We're meeting with Grandma and going to the park. We'll come back and have cake and pictures.'
'What no party?' The other child's mother whipped out the invitations. 'Oh, we're throwing Jonathan's party at Jamboree this year! It'll be fun. And it's not that expensive!'
'Compared to what?'
'It's more fun than taking two year olds to Chuck E Cheese.'
To be honest, I never even thought about taking a two year old to the hyperactive and highly expensive 'experience' of Chuck E Cheese. The thought of a $200 birthday party with 12 toddlers so they can have a great birthday bash never occurred to me. Yet we received two more invitations within my daughter's daycare class. One at Chuck E's. A different individual held the party at home ' and rented a bounce house and clown instead. And everyone looked at my child as somehow deprived. I was informed of many 'reasonable' activities we could do instead.
So I graduated up our play dates from at home to McDonalds. The other mothers ordered lunch for themselves and happy meals for the kids. We had intentionally eaten lunch before hand and ordered a $1 'yoghurt cup with fruit' instead so my daughter could come to me for a nibble if she decided she was hungry.
Older siblings would ask questions like 'are you going to get a horse or a clown?' Not toys, but entertainment at the next child's bash. Bounce house or portable petting zoo?
And, as always, 'So what are you doing?'
I found myself looking through a neighborhood parenting magazine wondering, what could we do that is fun and reasonably cheap? Then it hit me: Keeping up with the Joneses has grown up to include the little ones. My daughter is thrilled when we take her to the park and let her play with friends there. Yet the other parents act as if doing it simply is shortchanging her.
My husband and I were talking about how to save more for our daughter's college and I mentioned I wanted to stay home. We were better organized than most for the discussion, but we found our expenses were too high to live on one income. So I started cutting back. I'd never had outrageously expensive purchases, but a dozen smaller ones equal the name number of wasted dollar signs.
For those parents of toddlers and pre-schoolers, here is frugal advice:
1. Your child will NOT remember these early birthdays. Do not throw big parties. And the frugal thought of the day is, if you don't do it when they're little, it is easier to not do the big shindigs when they are older.
2. They will gain as much joy from a romp in the park with a picnic as they do at Jamboree for $200. And you will enjoy the savings.
3. They are as happy with fruit in jello as they are with a $50 cake that looks like Dora the Explorer.
4. Keep get togethers to four kids or less. More children equals more cost to feed and entertain, and the greater likelihood you will need to hire entertainment/crowd control.
5. Discuss in advance that you don't want gifts exchanged. Agree with everyone that you won't do it at your party, so they don't have to do it at theirs. Propose it as a cost savings to everyone.
6. If the other parents continue to play keeping up with the Joneses and doing bigger and better parties and gifts, start looking for a new circle of parents. If you stay in the group, you may succumb to the pressure.
And remember, save the big parties for big occasions; weddings, graduations, engagements. If you throw big bashes for little kids, how big of a wedding are they going to expect?
About The Author: Tamara Wilhite is an engineer, free-lance writer, and mother of 1.5 children. She can be reached at tamarawilhite@hotmail.com
| 
