My daughter just got her heart broken by her first love, she is ready to go on with her life and he keeps giving her the guilt trip. He didnt have time for her, now all of a sudden he does. She wants to end it but doesn't want to hurt him, it's her first love! Please help!
You did not say how old your daugher is, so I am guessing she is a teen ? Tell her it is all part of becoming a woman, and her heart will be broken many times . Right now it hurts like double L, but hearts do mend in time . I am in my 60's and have had my heart broken many many times . When this happened to me , my dear old daddy used to tell me there were plenty of other fish in the sea, or they were not worth the salt in thier food. Or / and my favorite, -- they were as worthless as boobies on a slab of bacon. Tell her time wounds all heals. rose
Tell your daughter he was insensitive to her feelings when he did not have time for her. Tell her to move on and be strong before he hurts her again.
Perhaps your daughter could realize she is not saying no to her first relationship, she is saying yes to herself. She is saying that Yes, she did deserve more than he was willing to give; someone who is not an energy thief or stingy with his time. Yes, she does deserve someone who will expend enough of his time and energy on her behalf to validate her expending time and energy on his behalf. And the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Seems to me he is not taking responsiblility for the part he played in the breakup. And, just possibly, he won't take responsibility for a lot of things because he's not yet a responsible person. Please don't let her let him put a guilt trip on her. She broke up with him because he wasn't pulling his load, and, therefore, this is just what he really wanted. And, just perhaps, she is doing him a really great favor, by teaching him to not take so lightly another's affection. Don't let her back down out of guilt. She's just getting her feet wet in relationships, and if she does not stand up for herself from the getgo with this person, what will she allow others to do to her and to abuse her feelings? We do not have feelings, we are our feeings. Validate her. Validate her. Validate her.
It's tough whether it's your first love or your second, or your third, or your fourth....In the beginning it still seems to hurt just as bad. Mom you know that time heals all wounds but that will still be hard for your daughter to understand. If she would avoid all contact with him, all phone calls, visits, notes, whatever, that will help to speed the healing process up. That always seemed to work best for me. It's when a break-up is dragging out that emotions seem to take forever to get back to normal. I hope the best for you both.
When I was that age and "fell in love" (several times) I wish my Mom or someone would have reassured me that my life and my future were the most important things to concentrate on at that time. When we are young our feelings are so powerful that they take control. Only as older people do we appreciate the importance of each young life and her/his development of talents and dreams and growth to maturity.
Just be there for her and tell her the hurt will fade eventully. He sounds too needy now. That's a red flag warning. It means controlling. Tell your daughter to pay attention to her red flags. Women's intuition is almost always right. There will be a lot of men in her life. She can't feel too sorry for them all. This is practice for the others to come.
Tell her that love is supposed to make a person happy and if he's not making her happy, then she is wasting her time.
I told my kids that they'd have to look through 100 bushels of rotten apples before they found the right person, so get started now!
I think this daughter has a wonderful gift - a mother who cares about her feelings and a relationship that will help her overcome the pain of a first love! When I broke up with my first steady boyfriend, my mother told me that's what I deserved for going steady! It was like another knife in my already wounded heart. I swore not to make that mistake with my own daughter. When my daughter experienced the same thing, I told her that if she didn't go through this, she wouldn't know what she wanted for the future. Seeing her married now, happily, with young children, makes those nights of being awakened at 2:30 in the morning worth every minute of the investment! I just wanted to say thanks to you, mom, for being there for her! You are doing the right thing by reinforcing her self esteem and self worth.
My Daughter is almost 20 and she too has lived through many many heartbreaks. I think that feeling loved and accepted is what young girls are looking for and at this point you can help ease those feelings by going out of your way to spend extra time with her and with the holidays coming up, it's the perfect excuse to get out ALONE with her.
My daughter and I had most of our GIRL TALKS on out-of-town shopping trips. IF YOU LISTEN MOST GIRLS WILL TALK TO MOMS! Just a word of warning and it may be wise to warn her, Guys will use this "guilt trip" thing to get their way and control the situation. I have sons of my own so I'm not saying this out of prejudice, but guys will tell a girl anything to get what they want and a girl will either be dumb enough to fall for it or smart enough to realize she doesn't have to submit to their pity stories and can get on with her life. There are a lot of nice guys out there but honestly these days they're few and far between. My daughter passed up a REAL GENTLEMAN a few years ago and went through a few REAL JERKS and now she's met a very nice guy who treats her like a queen. Stick by her, mom. She's feeling really mixed feelings right now and without controlling her you CAN help her through this phase.
My mom didn't talk about my problems and I vowed to never do that to my daughter.YOU be there for her to help her through the pain.
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