His twin brother has learning problems that are hard to deal with. He has dyslexia and he is not learning anything and he is in a special class.
My 10 year old daughter has health problems and friend problems. She has autism. We found out she had it when she was 5 and ever since then it has been hard on her to try and make friends. We have had to put her in a special class at school we have also had to make appointments with speech people and special doctors. She is always getting pulled out of school for something.
Their 16 year sister is always on Facebook. She says she loves Facebook, but she is always getting teased on it, so I banned it. Now she uses her phone. One of the boys doesn't sleep and my 8 year old daughter still wets the bed. Does anyone have some advice for me?
By mc4lifes from Sydney, NSW
It sounds like your 6 year old with behavior problems has ADHD. There are medications that will help him control his symptoms, but first he has to be diagnosed with ADHD. If you are against medicating your child, you could consider changing his diet.
Two of the biggest problems for kids with ADHD are sugar and food dyes, especially red dye, blue dye, and yellow dye. You could also consider giving him supplements containing EPA, DHA and B vitamins. The boy who doesn't sleep might also benefit from the same diet changes.
I'm not suggesting that you single these two children out and forbid them to have foods with sugar and dyes, I'm suggesting that you don't bring these foods into your house at all. Read the labels on the foods before you buy them, and if they contain sugar or dyes, put them back on the shelf.
Have you ever been to a party or night club where the music and noise was so loud you could barely stand it? That's how children with autism feel from the time they wake up in the morning, and this is why they can very easily become overwhelmed at school.
It is very common for children with autism to have trouble making friends, in fact that is one of the symptoms of the disorder, so try not to focus on that. My daughter found that eliminating milk from my grandson's diet helped a lot with some of his autism symptoms, and I have heard that eliminating milk can help with bed-wetting, also.
My daughter now buys almond milk or soy milk. She is also giving him a new natural supplement she found online, called N-met. It helps him focus & so far she is pleased with the results.
As for your 16 year old daughter, I've raised 4 girls and your daughter sounds pretty normal to me. Try to appreciate all of her good qualities and try not to dwell too much on the things that drive you crazy about her.
I don't think you are a bad Mother, you have just been too overwhelmed for too long. You need to find a way to take care of yourself first. There is an old saying that goes like this: "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." and it's true. Once you learn to take care of your own needs, and make yourself more relaxed and happy, it will benefit your family as well.
Though some of the kids have genuine problems, it sounds to me as if others are just acting out.
Gather them all and have a conversation. Tell them that it's hard for you being a single parent, and you need them to step up and help. Most importantly, they need discipline in order to respect you.
Example #1: Facebook girl needs to have her phone taken away. You're the parent, you laid down the law, and she's getting around it by using the phone. You're relinquishing your authority by letting this happen. The phone and computer are being paid for by you, not her. Act like it. ;)
Your child with behavioral problems might have ADHD or whatever, but you know what? He knows he can get away with acting out, because kids can sense when a parent feels weak. It was always amusing to see how kids who misbehaved around their parents or other sitters would suddenly straighten up around my mom.
That's because she was kind, but firm. They knew they couldn't push her. As a child, I always toed the line because I knew I'd get a spanking if I misbehaved...yet she never spanked me once in my entire life! I just knew that she couldn't be pushed, so I didn't push her. (And I was undiagnosed bipolar!) Yes, there are special-needs kids...but one of those needs is for discipline. Kids can instantly sense a pushover.
You're not a bad mother, just a weak mother - given your situation, it's very understandable. But your kids should respect you for all you're trying to do for them.
That starts with making your 16-year-old stop disobeying you, and start helping with the other kids. I was 17 when I had to care for an elderly relative full-time; it was expected of me, so I did it without complaining. Because I was taught that taking care of family is more important than anything.
Again, I was bipolar, and I suspect I might have some form of autism as well. If my family had not been kind yet firm, I could easily have become a problem child. Unless a child has severe problems requiring heavy medication, most behavior problems result from kids just being kids--pushing as hard and as far as they can.
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