I have actually been told that it is customary for the gift to cost at least as much as the meals cost for the guests in your family. However, it is really hard for a middle class person like me to afford a gift like that if the related bride and groom are paying $125.00 a plate! But anyways, I was told that that is the general rule for wedding gifts.
Sometimes Bridal Showers have a theme. IE Kitchen, Bathroom etc. Then of course you could get something that goes with that theme. You never have to get things from the registry. That is just a suggestion of things the couple wants and needs. You may come up with an idea that is even better that they hadn't thought of. My daughter gave her cousin a recipe box filled with recipes for a shower gift. Some where family related such as the stew you liked when you came for your last visit. Most had little notes attached that gave little stories or where the recipe originated from. This was one of her fav gifts and definitely not on her registry list.
Yes, it's customary to give to both. And no, the register is just a suggestion. It'll give you an idea of the bride and groom's wants, colors, etc. The gift giver ultimately decides what he/she wants to give. Often several individuals chip in what they can afford to give a nice or monetary gift. More is spent on the wedding than the shower gift usually. Amount is dictated by the area you live in and varies greatly. Don't go over what you can afford though. Where I live, $100 is extremely generous and rarely given, even by the family (except for parents or grandparents) for the wedding.
If you are invited to the shower and the wedding, you need to buy a gift for both events. It is customary to buy them from the registry or you can give money for the wedding gift.
If you can't afford 2 gifts, give 1. If you can afford a gift from the registry fine, if you can't see if another invited guest will go in on it with you. $100 is outrageous unless you're the parents of the couple or a close family member. You shouldn't give up your own wants or needs to give too much for a gift. We've been married over 20 years and some of our favorite gifts turned out to be items not on our "list".
Yes, it is customary to buy a gift from the bridal registry for the wedding shower. For the wedding itself, a monetary gift is usually the norm. (for our area, Bucks County, PA that is at least $100)
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