RE: Building Self Esteem
I think you took the best first step by putting
distance between you. Surround yourself with positive
friends and family. When she dumps on you, realize
that she is unhappy and taking it out on you. She may be jeoulous of attention you have gotten from
parents from simply being male. This can happen and it is not the child's fault. We were four girls
and my parents were FUN we went to ballgames with
family and dad was proud of his girls. Of course 4 sisters was WAR sometimes to this day I find the advantage in numbers as in when one sister is miserable and mean then oh well 3 other sisters.
We all go through different stages in life and sometimes just clash. We forgive and go on and
we try to be decent to each other.Good luck and stay strong.
Posted on 01/21/2007 | Report Spam or Abuse
RE: Building Self Esteem
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By Carol in PA (Guest Post)
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This is not as uncommon as you think. I have a sister who tries to run my life, and I've talked to others who have sisters they cant stand as well.
Please remember that this is HER problem and not yours. What she has said is a reflection on her and not on YOU. You would do well to go for a few therapy sessions. They are well worth the money. It doesnt mean there is anything wrong with you.
For self help, a journal helps. Each day list things that you are thankful for and that you like about yourself.
True wholeness comes once you are able to forgive your sister and go on with your life. You need to be able to abide her presence just for small amounts of time. imho... When you stay mad at someone it doesnt hurt them. It hurts you. Eventually anger turns into depression.
Take good care of yourself. There are many of us who care.
Posted on 12/19/2006 | Report Spam or Abuse
RE: Building Self Esteem
One more thing ... allow NO unhealthy self talk. IF you hear yourself saying or thinking ONE single bad thing about yourself mentally scream STOP IT. DO NOT allow ANY words to come out of your mouth that are not uplifting and helpful and beneficial to you. (Don't say I am ugly, I am not smart, I am over weight, I am dumb, I am not friendly, I am not acceptable! DO NOT allow it). Mitzi
Posted on 12/18/2006 | Report Spam or Abuse
RE: Building Self Esteem
Sounds like you know the truth. Adults and older people do not always have a better grip on reality. You've realized that she is not telling the truth, that she has reasons of her own for dumping on you, and that you don't deserve her (ahem). Good for you. If I had realized all that about my emotionally abusive dad when I was a teenager, I would have had a much easier life.
Keep going, now. You are old enough to be able to decide what's true and what's false. Self-esteem-destroying things are mostly false. When you find yourself believing a negative, hurtful lie, fight it with a positive truth. For me, "I'm ugly and nobody likes me" changed to "I'm a normal young woman with clear skin and great hair and a pretty voice, and I have some really good friends." "I can't make these difficult changes" changed to "I can do it over time if I take things bit by bit." "I don't have a guy to love" turned into "I'll keep looking for the right person and I'll know him when I see him." And, "I can't live on my own" changed to "Living on my own is normal and healthy, and I'm normal and healthy, so I can do it."
This works. I promise.
Posted on 12/18/2006 | Report Spam or Abuse
RE: Building Self Esteem
Write down as many of your strong points as you can think of (get help from some close friends or family members); write at the bottom of the page in large letters - SELF-CONFIDENCE...when someone comes "down on you", just get that list out and read it and it will make you feel better about yourself and you know what - sometimes people really don't actually know a person well enough personally when they endeavor to tear down their self-esteem. Keep your chin up - you are valuable in God's eyes because He made you and you are Loved by God.
Posted on 12/18/2006 | Report Spam or Abuse
RE: Building Self Esteem
You can begin to feel good about yourself, when you can learn to forgive, I have learned this the hard way. Forgiveness is something that comes from within, and usually it is not because the person deserves to be forgiven, but, it is something we have to do within our own heart. When you can truly forgive, then your self esteem will grow, because you think more of others than yourself. That makes us a big person. Forgive your sister no matter what she is like. Then let her know you forgive her, (even if she is negative about it). And keep an open door there with her, just don't push alot of visitation if there is friction. I had to do this with my in-laws. Forgive and forget. And don't hold grudges, that is bad for the old self-esteem also, I hear it gives you wrinkles from worry.
Posted on 12/18/2006 | Report Spam or Abuse
RE: Building Self Esteem
You could start by giving yourself a sympathetic pep talk.
Avoid your sister until she gets her act together, but do send holiday greeting cards and gifts to her kids so no one can accuse you of ignoring her.
Then live your life to the fullest. The painful feelings will come and go, and understand that this will happen for the rest of your life, but less so in the future.
Don't give her the power to continue to hurt you.
Accept the feelings when they come, and say, "I understand where these feelings come from, now go away and stop bothering me."
The acceptance should lower your blood pressure and the rejection will re-build your confidence.
Sometimes bad feelings are more a matter of habit, so you need to cancel them and substitute another thought which is pleasant EVERY time a bad thought happens.
We all have this emotional garbage; you are in good company. It takes 6 weeks to change a habit, so start now!
Posted on 12/18/2006 | Report Spam or Abuse
RE: Building Self Esteem
Steven, Be proud of who you are, because there is NO ONE else in the world like you. You need to project how you want to be perceived. Make eye contact with people and smile, smiles are contagious! Compliment people with sincerity, look for something good to say in every situation. You need to look at yourself and find out what qualities you like in yourself, acknowledge them, and be proud of them. Always look for new ways to improve yourself, maybe donate your time to some charities, or take a class at a college. There is a related link called 10 tips to kick start your self esteem, type it into the search and read it, I think you may find it helpful. A New Year is just around the corner, make this your fresh start to a new you!! Good luck and best wishes, Paula
Posted on 12/17/2006 | Report Spam or Abuse
RE: Building Self Esteem
your sister is the one who has the problem and even though it is hard to remember that. you must. do you treat people how you would like to be treated?do you help others if you can? do you go to work every day and not depend on others to support you?
then you are a good person . is this all that makes a good person , no it's not but these are good qualities to have to name a few. i haven't spoken to my family in a long time but that was there choice not mine. does that make me a bad person. no
i am a good person.i like to help people. i am always there for my friends and family and for others if they need me.my family has the problem and they will have to live with their decision
don't carry the burden your sister has thrown on you.
let it go.
i wish you well
Posted on 12/17/2006 | Report Spam or Abuse
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