Gag Gift for Newly Wed Husband: "Owner's Manual" for Wife

My newlywed son is dreaming of receiving an "owners manual" for his wife. I think that would be a great "gag" gift. I'm having trouble putting it together. Any ideas from you creative people?


By pizza mama from Oakley, CA

December 22, 20090 found this helpful
Best Answer

This is such a good idea. Put some coupons for get out of an argument free. A couple of cards that say "I'm Sorry" and a big print page with their Anniversary Written on it with the nearest Florist address and telephone number. You might add a page where all her friends and wedding party put nice statements about what they like about him the most!

How creative of you to think of this. Love it! Robyn

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December 25, 20090 found this helpful
Best Answer

My hubby has a plaque that says Rule#1 The Wife is Always Right Rule # 2 When in doubt, refer back to rule # 1.

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December 22, 20090 found this helpful ... -Life?ideaID=10553&prodID=124736

You might try for a cheaper version. ... title,The-Grooms-Instruction-Manual/

Found that one on Amazon ... eywords=1594741905&x=23&y=24

Check this out

That was all I could find, good luck and have a joyous wedding.

Whoa.. found two other books that might be more appropriate. You know the bride and groom I don't. ... 97EVER/dp/0595297226/?tag=thrif06-20

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December 28, 20090 found this helpful

Women's dictionary

1. "Fine"

This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer.

It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks.

This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"

"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes.

"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)

This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh" This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement.

Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh" Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh" This word -- followed by any statement - is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days.

("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie). Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9."That's Okay" This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done.

"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do" This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks" The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot" "Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

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April 8, 20100 found this helpful

Well I don't know if I have any ideas for the manual itself, but you could put it on the computer on a CD-Rom perhaps. I think adobe acrobat has an option to make a PFD file? Or maybe make it into a powerpoint presentation.

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