Don't Try to Solve All Your Kid's Problems

As tempting as it might be to step in if your child has a problem at school, don't. Let him or her handle it if there are roommate problems, questions regarding financial aid, or any other problem. Your child is now in college. He or she is expected to act like an adult. Having mommy and daddy step in and solve problems is not an adult decision. Let your children vent to you about problems, even offer solutions, but do not proceed to solve them.

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If you call and ask about your child's financial aid status, grades, etc. you will be told that only your child may inquire about these matters. So as hard as it may be, allow your kids to do what is right. Let them learn how to handle themselves. Let them become adults. It is all too easy to continue leaning on mom and dad.

By Brandi M. Seals

March 27, 20090 found this helpful

Easy to say, VERY hard to do, even though I agree completely with you and try hard to do the same. It takes a considerable shift in thinking as they get older, since we're WIRED to step in when they'rre young. And sometimes it also takes considerable tough-biting. (5 kids, youngest 17, oldest 28). The 17to 22 year-olds are the ones I'm still trying hard to reign myself in on. Trying to remember the age-appropriateness of each situation.

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July 18, 20100 found this helpful

Jumping in to save them after they've reached high school and beyond is what they're calling "helicopter parenting" now, meaning Mom and Dad ( generally Mom) hover too much. None of us want to see them make mistakes that will hurt them, but we do our kids a great disservice by not permitting them to develop their own strategies and coping skills.

What comes out of doing too much for our children is often an adult child who has a bloated sense of self and entitlement, which is only going to backfire on them when the reality that the rest of the world doesn't put them on a pedestal hits them like a brick wall. Jumping in to fix, do or continually give things to them all the time also robs them of a sense of self-accomplishment; anybody out there remember how it felt to scrimp and save from your first job to buy your own car? You felt pride and it built your self-esteem, and made you feel just a little more capable, and like an adult.

Parents who do too much are raising kids who know how to do too little, just my two cents' worth.

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