Helping a Friend Who Is Breaking Off a Relationship

My very best friend, was in a relationship for nearly four years. They had a few problems and he seemed quite controlling. He would threaten to end the relationship if he didn't get his own way, throw tantrums, etc., but could also be very sweet and loving.

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Anyway a few weeks ago he announced that as he didn't have time for a relationship and he wanted them to be friends with benefits, and he would fit her in when convenient. It was either that or no relationship, so my friend broke it off. Now he is sending her texts saying he wants to be friends, calling her and acts like it's her fault they broke up.

She has asked him not to contact her, as she wants nothing more to do with him, but he doesn't get the message. She is very upset and I was wondering if anyone else had been in a similar situation and has any advice, it would be appreciated. Thank you.

By happy ending

May 7, 20110 found this helpful

If I were her, I would just ignore his calls, texts, etc. However, if she really doesn't want any contact with him, she could change her phone number. If I had been in her position the first time he showed an indication of being a control freak, he would have been out the door. I was married to a control freak for 20 years and it is no fun. In fact this guy sounds an awful lot like my "ex."

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May 7, 20110 found this helpful

I agree with redhatterb - don't engage him at all. She might want to check out the domestic abuse hotline too for some advice. I don't know the # but I'm sure she can google it. I bet they have a website. His behavior is abusive. I would block him from my email and facebook. And buy some mace.

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May 7, 20110 found this helpful

Tell him she does not want the relationship or his friendship. If he continues his behavior she can have a restraining order placed on him. She needs to protect herself. I was in a similar relationship for 5 years and it nearly killed me.

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May 9, 20110 found this helpful

She has three options: Ignore his phone calls/texts; change her phone number and make sure any mutual friends know not to give it to him or get a restraining order. What's the easiest and safest choice for her?

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May 9, 20110 found this helpful

Do not answer any of his calls. He's only calling because he has lost "control" on how he wants the relationship to be. Guys who need to control women can become very dangerous; sad statistics bear that out. If you ignore his calls, he may eventually tire of calling; if you engage in ANY kind of conversation, he'll translate that to meaning you still want to be with him. If he persists, get a restraining order without telling him; be sure to keep notes on how many times you told him to leave you alone, how many times he called or texted you, etc. Consider yourself lucky that you got away from him when you did, check out the domestic abuse center in your town for advice, and pray he doesn't get more obsessed. Good luck.

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May 9, 20110 found this helpful

Restraining order ASAP. He is dangerous.

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May 9, 20110 found this helpful

I would ignore his calls and have my number changed. If at all possible if I was her i would leave town for a while. Don't tell anyone but family and go.I know this is dumb but people can be crazy and he sounds like one. It is better to be safe than sorry.

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May 10, 20110 found this helpful

You can have certain numbers blocked so he cannot call or text her from those specific numbers. He will be able to use a friend's phone but it should cut down on the quantity of calls/texts that come through. Also, if she can ignore any numbers she doesn't recognize and let them leave a voice mail. This may be easier than changing her number.

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May 10, 20110 found this helpful

I hope you don't live alone. If you do, see if it's possible to stay with some family/friends. Don't open the door, unless you absolutely know who is on the other side.

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May 11, 20110 found this helpful

Might've been a good idea to tell this jerk in blunt terms, "Mister, you gave me two choices: be your "on-call friend with benefits," or no go. I chose no go. I can live with that. You can learn to do the same." However, I agree that your friend should block any means of his contacting her. If he uses a friend's phone, block that one. Same with emails.

Your friend might want to consider a basic self-defense course, if there's one available in your/her area. The national Information/Referral number, 211, might know, or you/she can Google it. No offense to anyone, but restraining orders aren't very effective, they're a good legal tool for if there's a court case, but that's about it. Several domestic violence murder cases I've heard about in recent years involved flouted restraining orders.

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