Was Getting Married, Now I'm Expecting

I was planning for a wedding in March. But now found out we're having a baby due in April. I really think we should get married right away before the baby is born, but my fiance wants to wait since I'm on Medicade. What do you think is the best thing to do? Should we wait? I want a big wedding with a big dance but am now thinking having a small get together and possible a big dance afterward. Please help!

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September 2, 20050 found this helpful

I would suggest getting married before the baby is born. Your child may grow up thinking that you got married just because you were pregnant. But at least if you got married before the baby is born you could have at least a little bit of time to yourselves.

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September 2, 20050 found this helpful

Marry now.Sure it may be a struggle financially.Please don't take this the wrong way,but you didn't produce this baby by yourself and you need his support throughout the pregnancy.Sometimes guys take the attitude that if they're not happy in the situation,they can walk out scott free. TRUST ME ON THIS! And marriage acknowledges his responsibility--otherwise it can be OUT OF SIGHT--OUT OF MIND!That is what I'd encourage MY Daughter to do.I DO think a small wedding is more appropriate under the circumstances.Just a pet peeve of mine,but I hate to see a pregnant bride in a big LILLY WHITE GOWN.Guess I'm an old phogey.Have as big a reception as you want,thats a marriage CELEBRATION!Good Luck to you ALL!!

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September 2, 20050 found this helpful

Call Medicaid and find out if you lose any benefits by getting married before the baby is born!

Baby birth is very expensive. If there is no change in how Medicaid is going to pay, then have a wedding now.

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September 2, 20050 found this helpful

I would also suggest getting married now & with a small wedding. What you will save can help to buy the baby things you will need or for renting a bigger place. Good luck & enjoy the baby!!

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September 2, 20050 found this helpful

You know (and this will sound harsh) we taxpayers have enough burdens to bear. Do you really think it's fair for you to ask us to pay for the birth of his and your baby. I wouldn't mind if you were in a pickle, and he ran out on you, but you are not. Do the decent thing, and give the rest of us a break, and you will be proud of yourself. And if he is going to try to get out of paying for the birth of his and your child now, what will he try to get out of later. If you are responsible people, you would do this. It's just not fair we have to pay for things we need which are not easy to pay for, and you and your boyfriend take advantage of the residents of the state in which you live because it is we who are paying those bills. Think about it please. Some of us have a hard time already just with the cost of living and we live on fixed incomes or below the poverty level.

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September 2, 20050 found this helpful

I would wonder about someone wanting to to wait

due to Medicad. I knew of gal who had baby and

the guy said no to marriage because she got

SSI and medicaid and he let her live with him and

claim them on his taxes..they went to disneyworld

and on cruises with this money...now some states

are doing away with medicade cuz of this ABUSE.

Think it over do you want to start your childs life

abusing the system he should help you pay for

costs of baby birth...and use $$ for wedding on baby. People need to accept responsibility.

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September 2, 20050 found this helpful

My brother and his wife were in the same boat. They decided to wait for the baby to be born because he was only a part time employee she couldnt be on his insurance. I am not saying its right but if you cant afford to pay cash for docs or hospital what else can you do. As far as the wedding do whatever makes you happy. My brother waited till they had saved the money to have to wedding they wanted. Of course by then the baby was nine months old lol. But the wedding was gorgeous and she wore white and no one said a word. Your life is yours do what makes you happy.

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September 3, 20050 found this helpful

I certainly agree that you should get married as soon as possible, for no reason other than it is important to spend time together on your own and be able to come and go as you like for evenings out without worrying about babysitters, it helps make a strong foundation for your life together. Getting married changes your relationship and having a baby changes it even more, I would strongly urge you to give yourselves time to adjust to one change before the next happens. That way you can give each other the time and complete dedication you deserve.

Congratulations on this hugely exciting situation you are in, and make sure you enjoy it!

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September 3, 20050 found this helpful

The exact same thing happened to my son and girlfriend this year! I say wait until after the baby comes. You don't want to be saddled with the bills from birthing your baby now. And if there are any problems at all, the bills could get very high. My new granddaughter will be here Tues (mom is being induced) and my son and her will get married next month. Good luck! And don't feel bad that things got a bit out of order!!!

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September 3, 20050 found this helpful

By the time you read all the responses to your question, I feel sure, you will be sorry you broached the question!

Ouch ... This is starting your life and your baby's life off as a scam to the US Government. This leaves a bad taste in taxpayers mouth! Something for nothing, while we taxpapers work for what we get, is terrible.

Next thing will be the WIC program ... having no income which would qualify you ... while living with your fiance/boyfriend when he may be making good money, possibly even buying a house in both names (I have seen this done) ... you lie and he acts like a deadbeat dad!

Wow! Having a baby and having your fiance/boyfriend wanting to dodge his responsibility leaves a lot to say for his character and wanting you to participate too!

What kind of a marriage would you have? Have you talked this over with your parents?

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September 3, 20050 found this helpful

God bless you and your new family!!

I don't have any advice on what you"should" do. However, a few tips once the baby is here...

I never bought formula, plastic diapers or baby food. Saved a TON of $ ! What did people do prior to Gerber? We breastfed, washed diapers in the washing machine ( just run through the rinse cycle prior to and after a regular wash and rinse, with vinegar in the final rinse) and we mashed up whatever we cooked to spoon it up for baby. Just watch the grease and spice for adults separately. I was single and in college with no child support and I can guarantee it wasn't as bad as it sounds. She is 11 years old now and I feel blessed every day. No, I did not ask for her and at the time was very scared. Now I know that she is one of the best things that has ever happened in my life. Again, God bless!

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September 3, 20050 found this helpful

Please...put as much time and effort into the MARRIAGE as you put into the WEDDING. A big, fancy wedding with all the right attendants, colors, flowers, etc. won`t guarantee a long lasting, happy marriage. Unfortunately the pregnancy came before the wedding. These things happen. Make a new beginning: get married with a small service and a big celebration with family and friends. When your babe is born..you`ll have the extra money to use for the three of you to begin your lives together. Good luck and may God bless you.

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September 3, 20050 found this helpful

With the cost of medical so high and the cost of having babies $6-8,000 for a normal delivery and $12,000 for a cesarean, it is an important decision. Here's a site with information about Medicaid. There is some information about pregnancy.

http://www.cms.hhs.gov/medicaid/consumer.asp

We don't know your financial situation or that of your fiance. It may be that you would qualify for medicaid even while being married. If your fiance has insurance, he could call and see if you would be covered by his insurance if you were married. Usually there is a 6 month waiting period so it might be that you would need to get married very soon to be covered.

One benefit to having the baby on Medicaid is that both you and the baby would be covered after the birth. Should there be any problems with the baby, it's important to have coverage whether it is Medicaid or insurance.

Although I'm a taxpayer, I feel that the government safety nets are there for just that reason. When our system makes it so difficult to have and maintain the high cost of medical insurance, Medicaid can help fill that gap.

Take good care of yourself.

Susan from ThriftyFun

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September 3, 20050 found this helpful

Basically, don't listen to anyone below who is whining about taxes. They don't care about your child and probably don't care about children in general. Do what is best for your child. You have medicaid now, you aren't cheating anything. They don't give that to anyone. You are eligible. If you will not have coverage if you get married, don't get married until you have a happy healthy baby or your husband can cover you. Just my opinion, but suggesting that this woman have a baby without coverage is evil, and shows a really lack of caring for children.

It is far more important to have coverage when you have that child. You could have a premature baby who required hunderds of thousands of dollars of care. You may be able to get medicaid after you get married, but MAKE SURE! Maybe your husband has coverage, BUT MAKE SURE IT WILL COVER YOUR PREGNANCY! The most important thing is the child, not YOUR pride or the misguided people on this board.

Whoever suggested this is a scam... good lord, it's a simple question of planning what's best for a baby. It's scheduling, bottom line.

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September 3, 20050 found this helpful

I would call your medicaid case worker and see if your being married would affect your status to claim benefits .. if you are already living together it probally won't matter depending on the state in which you live .. Then trust your heart, it'll will guide you in the right way. Very good luck to you and your family!!! We were in the same situation and had a very small ceremony at the courthouse and our parents threw a very nice party after the baby was born. We are planning renewing vows and having the big, somewhat traditional wedding then.

As for the naysayers, I am VERY personally offended .. I am a hard working taxpayer and so is my husband but at the time my daugher was born we were living together but not married (we got married as soon as we found out since we'd just been procrasting on plans anyway!) and I didn't have insurance and hated the fact that medicaid was my last resort. This was not the way I was raised, to accept "charity" from anyone, especially the government. I only accepted medicaid, not WIC or any other assisstance because I didn't need it, but there was no way that either my husband or I or our families could afford the cost of doctors and hospitials and the like. This was not a decision that was entered into lightly. I ended up in the hospital for 4 days after my daugher was born due to high blood pressure and the bill would have totaled close to $85,000 for just the hospitial stay. We would have had to sell our home and cars and be in debt for years, if it were not for medicare.

It's a shame to assume that everyone that is on government assisstance just to get something for nothing. I understand that there are people that are like that but I don't think that this woman is like that and I felt horrible for having to accept this help .. but part of being a parent is putting your pride aside for the benefit of your child. I'm very glad that governmental assisstance programs are out there to benefit those who need it, when they need it. I can understand the frustration of people when they see stories of medicare or welfare abuse, I get upset about it too, but to attack a random woman seeking advice on message board is just plain wrong, I'm sure she has better things to deal with than strangers making her feel unworthy. If you have a problem with the system, take it up with your local governments not a singular person on a website .. how very rude.

Things in life happen for a reason. The most important thing here is the well being of that child and if that means mom has to accept some outside help than so be it, if it helps to insure a health start for that little one. Count your blessings if you never have to use government assisstance but for those decent people that don't have a choice, cut them some slack before you assume they are deadbeats just having kids so they can get welfare .. perhaps I'm naive but you have to see the good in people before assuming anything.

I feel very strongly about this, obsolvely. This website has been so much fun and a way to learn until I read the replies on this thread .. I honestly don't think that government assisstance is being "thrifty" and many if not most would agree .. it's a way to make it through a tough situation when there are no alternatives.

I hope I never come across a post with replies like these again .. I was in tears when I read them. How very insenstive and rude. It's the old "how would you feel" ... "how would you feel if this was your daughter, would you attack her in the same way?" "how would you feel if this was you? If you came to a website seeking advice from other only to be belittled by complete strangers while pregnant and unsure of your life ahead." I would be ashamed of myself.

Thank you .. I hope someone tries to understand where I'm coming from. And to the original poster, take heart hun, and concentrate on that baby of yours, everything else will fall into place.

Rebekah

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September 3, 20050 found this helpful

i suggest finding a Gospel believing church and start attending. i am not going to say marry or not. but you can get help for you and the baby in a Bible based church.

http://www.focusonthefamily.org

is a good website.

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September 3, 20050 found this helpful

Attending a church just to get help for yourself and baby is no reason to attend church.

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September 5, 20050 found this helpful

i've read all the posts and have changed my opinion back and forth several times. I don't want to sound pompous or sage, but I'm a licensed social worker with a more than a dozen years experience so I feel qualified and obligated to speak my mind. You didn't say how old you were, or what your fiance did for a living, or whether you work now, have done so in the recent past or plan to do so in the near future. You seem to have you priorities screwed up. I would suggest you consider the very real possibility that you're going to be a single parent, and with your finance's attitude now, don't count on any child support. Yes sometimes things happen out of order, but your primary objective should be how am I going to afford this baby on my own after it's born, not how big of a wedding party can I have. You'd be better off using that money for diapers, formula or medical insurance or a college fund for that baby, because if you're single the state is going to make you go back to work before that baby is a year old. Your fiance has given you a big cue to his character, and how you can expect him to act as a father and husband in the future if he marries you at all. He's already saying he doesn't want any financial burdens. He's already gotten an unmarried young woman pregnant, and rejected responsibility for that child. Is this his first? Why do you expect him to repsect your marriage vows any more? This is how he plans to handle emergencies in the future, so do not count on him. He can't even stand up for the birth of his child, which is supposed to be a joyous occasion. What's he going to do when there's a crisis, (like god forbid there's complications with the delivery)? You may want to think that he's different than all the rest, or that this time it'll be different, because you two have something special. actions speak louder than word, and the writing is on the wall. For your child's sake, learn to read.

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September 5, 20050 found this helpful

You were planning a wedding and now expecting. Sounds like you were committed to each other. Check out what Medicaid says. Don't put yourselves in financial kaos. That will happen naturally. Do your baby, yourself and almost hubby the most stress free pregnancy possible. People have opinions. That just it. So take heart in what you read, first and foremost is the baby from this point on. Forget your pride, your choice and look forward to the most exciting time is your life. Trust me having a child moving and growing will change everything about your wedding plans. There are plenty of simple elegant ways to get married. Remember Robin's daughter's wedding...BEAUTIFUL! This is the place to find ways to begin your life together when time to plan your wedding. Check with Medicaid. Then way your options. Enjoy this special time in your life. Being a Mom is one gracious gift. God Bless you in your decision making...May you have a strong healthy baby!

Jennifer CA

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September 6, 20050 found this helpful

Reading the posts on this really makes me wonder about the mentality levels of some of the posters... First of all, we know nothing of their financial state... does the fiance have a good job or is he pumping gas for a living? Have we all forgotten what having so little feels like? I can remember boiling potato peels from the night before's dinner for soup that night... When love procreates, it's a wonderful thing! Let them baske in that, for heavens sake! As for those taxpayers whining about abuse of the system... Oh, Please! This woman doesn't come across to me as the low-life you all are making her out to be! She's asking for decision making help... And if she's asking US, where is her mother? Could it be that she doesn't have one? Never be so presumptious of a situation without knowing some of the facts involved...

Sweetie, have yourself a wonderful pregnancy! And later on, if a marriage is still in the plans, have your child as the mini bride or groom... The pictures will enlighten your child for years to come. And when the questions arise from your child later about being born out of wedlock, just explain that the CHILD was more important at the time than the ceremony.

Take the helping hand as it's offered now, and should the marriage not happen, you won't have yet another worry on your hands on how to support your child as a single parent.

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September 6, 20050 found this helpful

THANK YOU REBEKAH!

I was 8 months pregnant when my husband and I decide to divorce (21 years ago) and I had no choice but to go onto the welfare system. Do any of you know what that makes a person feel like? Bad, that they have to take charity from others. People look at you like you are scum.

I had a caesarean and would never have been able to pay that bill I was in the hospital for 7 days at that time. And my (now ex..) Husband refused to pay child support. This wasn't my choice and I wasn't proud I had to do it but I also had an 18 month old daughter at that time too and i had to have a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. I eventually got off the system. Not everyone is out to screw the taxpayers. And I certainly hope that none of you do gooders ever have to be on the system.

Leave the girl alone. She needs to do what is in her heart and what is best for the child.

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September 13, 20050 found this helpful

For several reasons, I think you should get married soon. Have the big wedding you want if you are able to plan it quickly. You won't be showing for a while and can wear a great dress. If you wait until you are showing, you won't feel like yourself. I have 2 children under the age of 2, so I know. I have several friends who waited until after the baby was born to get married, but by then, they felt fat and out of shape, and worried about the baby the entire day and couldn't focus. Plus a honeymoon with a newborn isn't really a honeymoon. Once you become a mom, the baby is your main focus. You won't want to bring a newborn along, and you won't want to leave them behind! This is the last time you will be able to go on a vacation with just the 2 of you. Other than not being able to drink alcohol, you WILL be able to enjoy your wedding more now than later. Good Luck! Jennifer

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October 23, 20050 found this helpful

Unless you already have kids, it's obvious you aren't having a baby just to get Medicaid. I'm not insinuating anything. I'm trying to show those who made the rude comments that they need to use their brain once in a while.

I was on Medicaid for a while when I was 18. I had a chronic pain in my side, and couldn't afford to go to the doctor any other way. I had no children (still don't), and only used it for as long as I needed to.

If your husband's insurance won't cover the birth, then of course you should stay on Medicaid if you need to. Don't forget, people, some insurances would consider this an "existing condition" and not cover the cost of the birth.

As for the wedding, you can do whatever you like. I think it might be better to have something small now and save money for baby expenses. It's not like the birth is the only thing that will require money. Kids are expensive, and it may be easier to have the wedding now before you have all the other stuff going on in your life.

And wear white if you wish. White has nothing to do with purity. It originally showed the wealth of the bride's family. I don't hold much stock in tradition. Do what YOU want.

Good luck, and CONGRATULATIONS!

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November 18, 20050 found this helpful

I am amazed reading these posts on here. I live in Australia, and we (thank god) have medicare, which EVERYONE is eligible for. Sure there are people who get private health insurance and can use that at private hospitals, but everyone is entitiled to a public hospital when needed. In fact our government is trying to encourage people to have children and offering new mothers $4000 (AU) after the birth of a child.

I became a single mother at 19 (unplanned), and yes I did get some government benefits, but I also worked part time at a grocery store while putting myself through 3 years of uni. It was hard work, and I was lucky that I lived close enough to my mother for her to babysit, but I am pleased to say that my boy is now 3.5 yrs old and in 3 weeks I will be a registered nurse. More importantly, I have been in a fantastic relationship with a wonderful man for the last 10 months and we are to be married in April. We are now living together, so I do not get as much money from the government (although most families with children still get some financial asistance).

I know I have been rambling a bit, but I just wanted to say that not everyone who is on welfare is intending to sit on it, without working or studying. Sometimes it is merely a means to an end, and people should not be judged if their life takes an unexpected turn and they need this safety net.

I do wonder how many of the people who posted negative comments have ever been in such a situation? I also find it remarkable that a country that prides itself on being the strongest in the world lacks a decent healthcare system.

GOOD LUCK HONEY!

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November 21, 20050 found this helpful

Well, Im the person that asked he question, and just to inform you guys. I am 20. I work part time for the city i live in, making good money, but no benefits. Me fiance works full time with benefits. We've been together for 4 yr, and was very excited about having this baby, but the bad news is, I miscarried the baby in august. THANK GOD I was on Medicaid. The bill was aver $5000 cuz of the doctors apts, and the D&C I had to have done. For all of you that camplained about me being on goverment assistance, I hope you never have anything happen to you and you need help. Of course I was only accepted for PREGNANT medicaid, because I made TO MUCH MONEY to be eligible for regular medicaid.

Thanks for all of you that supported me, and the nice small wedding is in April 2006.

Thanks,

Shannon

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November 21, 20050 found this helpful

Hello Shannon,

Thanks for updating us. I'm glad that you were able to get benefits for the miscarriage but so sorry to hear that you miscarried. That is never easy. Here's hoping for a long and happy marriage with all the children that you want.

Take care,

Susan from ThriftyFun

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July 27, 20070 found this helpful

Dear Shannon,

I am soo sorry to hear that you miscarried, but i wanted to try and brighten your day. I am sixteen and my mother miscarried a child before me. I know how hard it must have been for you.When ever it comes up in talk i always say that " God wasn't sure he made me perfect enough for my mommy and daddy soo he had to try again...and he did a fabulous time the second time." :) i hope that brightened your day. Congrats on getting married and any future children. I am sure you and your family will have a long happy life.

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September 26, 20080 found this helpful

I am extremely sorry for your family's loss, I have only had one out of 3 successful pregnanies, just found out in july that we are expecting! they only way that I was able to "cope" with the pain of losing a life (I say cope because you never get over it, and it never goes away) I prayed to God, and he gave me the reassurance that it wasn't in his plan. I came up with the conculsion that either something was terribly wrong witht he baby and God didn't want it to suffer, or my body couldn't handle it at the time! It never gets eaiser to think back but it does heal your heart of the heartache when you just hand it over to God! And for all of those who said shame on you for the medicade... I am 39,000 dollars in debt from my first one and dropped from my insurance cause I can't afford it so thanks to the tax payers including me and my husband I got on medicade to help with this one... news for them You get the effin money back in April anyways get over it!!!! God Bless you and your family, and Good Luck to you in the future!!!

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