Many people are lucky enough to get the chance to care for their aging parents. Being able to give back to those who once cared for us can be a great honor. But, with that honor can come many difficulties. This is a guide about caring for an aging parent.
Wherever your parent is living, prominently display framed photographs of him or her in younger days. Exhibit the parent looking glamorous, receiving professional recognition and achieving success in sporting events. Let mom or dad be seen at their youthful best.
Your parent will be attended by carer givers, nursing staff, and cleaners, at home, in hospitals, and in nursing homes. Help these people to see your parent as an accomplished individual who just happens to be older, not just another elderly person. The photographs may also provide people with a starting point for conversation.
Source: Derek Longden, a popular UK author, described using this technique when his mother was older and went into hospital.
By Julia from UK
My mother lives in our home and has several health issues. She continues to be pretty independent. But on days when she may be less independent, I ask friends or relatives to call and chat with her. This helps her feel valuable. At the same time it allows others to check on her status several times a day, while I am at work.
I also keep the back door unlocked so if there may be a problem, it is easy to physically check on her while I am gone.
By Susan from Elkhart, IN
I took care of my mother until she passed on and now I have the privilege of helping my father which includes taking him to a lot of appointments. The things that I always keep with me in the car are Kleenex, baby wipes, a large bath towel, a small pillow, change of clothes for both of us, a couple bottles of water, and a daily diary appointment style book! I have found that these items have come in handy more times than I can count and are well worth the space in my car!
My parents were always of the mindset to be prepared and it rubbed off on me, I suppose. They always took such good care of us growing up, so for me it was a no-brainer to take care of them.
The experience has been a blessing and a walk on the path of learning to be humble and to always have patience. I have no regrets for walking down this road and never will!
By mauifran from HI
I do not regret one moment of moving my mom in with me and having her last few years with me. I agree some times were very hard dealing with her Alzheimer's disease, however, family and friends can give you the breaks you need. There are also many home care/assistance companies out there to help. Remember, you need to take care of yourself to be there for them. They gave years of time for you, you can make time for them. You never get a second chance.
By Susan from Scottsville, VA
Anyone out there taking care of an elderly parent? My mom lives an hour away from me. I spend 4-5 days a week staying at her home taking care of her, the house, the yard, etc. She is 87 and in poor health. She seems to have the beginnings of dementia and her legs are swollen from edema. Her diet is horrible. Well, she will eat what I make, but only drinks coffee.
My sister comes when she can, but she lives 2 and 1/2 hours away and works, too. I was the one that was always here, then when my dad passed away 7 years ago I started staying with her every other week for 3 days or so. I was here to shop, eat out, and talk.
She started with slight incontinence about 4 years ago and hasn't been out since. She will not see a doctor. She hasn't since I was a teen and I am now 58. She can barely stand and walking is getting harder and harder for her. She'll use a cane, but not the walker I got her. I can't remember the last time she showered. I got a shower chair, but still no shower. She barely even washes up anymore. I am at my wits end.
She spends most of the day and night in a chair. Getting her into bed, to get her off her buttocks, is a constant struggle. She falls asleep and tips out of the chair. She sometimes falls when walking. God is on her side because she hasn't broken anything yet.
If anyone has had similar experiences, please write. I feel so alone. My poor husband is getting upset. He just can't understand why I can't just tell her she has to move in with us. She will not accept outside help. If I could get her to accept an aide once in awhile, it would help so much. Please contact me through Thriftyfun. You can click on my name and an email message window will open.
I have found a few message boards, but everyone there seems to think they are doctors with the advice they give. Or just plain mean. She's my mother, I still must treat her like my mother and not some child off the street. I love her, but I am so stressed out. I have my own health problems, too. Please help if you can. Regards.
By Valery from Cranford, NJ
By pattycares
09/07/2010
Valery, Your plea for help touched my heart. I too am caring for my mother (in my home). In 2004 my sisters and I had to "kidnap" my mom and take her to my home. She was unwilling but it was obvious that she was unable to care for herself. Social Services actually told us that if we didn't either move in with her or move her in with us, that they would "take over" and make her a ward of the state and put her in a nursing home. We had been reluctant to move her due to the same issues you are experiencing feeling that we didn't have the right to tell our mother what to do, after all she's the mom!
Moving her in with you is easier in some ways and harder in others. You will have to take life one day at a time because it will be one of the hardest things you've ever done. But, it will also be one of the most rewarding things you have ever done!
Get ready for the guilt, the tears, the anger and the sorrow as she steadily declines Yet, you and your husband will become the most loving, kind, patient, long-suffering, charitable people this world can offer. You will KNOW that God exists because you will see miracles happen regularly to help you care for your mom. You will come to know God more than ever because you will see that we all have what I call "spiritual Alzheimer's". We think we don't need his help, we don't remember Him, we shake our fist at Him and swear at him for requiring hard things of us. As you are kneeling on the ground and putting lotion on your mother's feet and legs, she may strike out at you and swear at you, it is then that you will realize how God must feel when we strike out at Him in our Alzheimer's state. You may find yourself sitting next to your mom wishing that she knew who you are only to realize that God too is sitting next to you wishing you knew who He was.
Yes, caregiving is very difficult indeed but I wouldn't have it any other way. Nursing homes can be very frightening places and I just couldn't bare to leave my mom in one. I'm so grateful that my husband is willing to share our home with her. You too must have a wonderful husband.
If you have any questions or need any moral support, please feel free to contact me and newhome1338-sales@yahoo.com
I am a caregiver for my dad who is ninety. He is in good health, but needs help with a lot of things. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with things. Any hints or suggestions?
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