I am getting married June of next year and am TRYING VERY HARD to get together a budget for my wedding which I am planning myself. I have been doing research after research and can't come up with one answer. My mother is going to be my maid of honor, but what about his mother? I have heard that you have to get the mother(s) dresses and such... is this an absolute necessity? I just can't find enough on the subject and would REALLY appreciate the help. Thanks much.
I am getting married on April 2nd, 2005 (a few more days!) and this is how ours broke out:
Photographer - 31.2% Catering & Reception - 18.2% Flowers - 16.5% Attendant Gifts (we had a lot of people involved in this wedding) - 11.8% Church/Officiant - 6.8% Hair and Makeup (we paid for all the girls) - 5.5% Videographer - 4.1% Cake - 2.9% Musician (Harpist, no DJ) - 2.7% Rings - 2.6%
I guess ours is unique because she already had the dress. If I didn't list something, it was 1% or less.
Maybe you need to sit down with both families and decide who is paying for what. You obviously want a special personal wedding as you are doing it yourself so I don't think 'etiquette' comes into it. You and your fiance sit down and make a list of what you want and what you think the expenses will be and then discuss it with your families and see what they expect/will be responsible for and then everyone will be 'on the same page' in the preparations.
From what I read during research for my own wedding and my sisters, everyone is responsible for buying their own wedding outfits. Sometimes the bride and groom may want to buy the bridesmaids their dresses (or the groomsmen their tuxes etc.) but it's not required. Usually their flowers/corsages/buttonnaires are paid for by the bride and groom, but anything else is a gift. The important thing is to make sure that everyone involved knows how special you are to them and that doesn't require a lot of money.
I got married in June 2002. We split the cost of the wedding with my parents. I have never heard of the bride buying the mother's/inlaw's dresses and I read and TON of wedding etiquette books. I just got them small gifts and corsages, not dresses. The only thing I did for them as far as the dresses go was to tell them what my colors were in case they wanted to match. That's it. Hope your big day goes smoothly!
We're paying for the wedding and both our mums are buying their own outfits.....BUT we are buying corsages for both of them and a special gift, to be given on the day.
Don't feel it is all your responsibility. They will be happy to help and honesty is important from the word go...especially if you're on a budget!!
Since you're paying for the wedding, I think the mothers should get their own dresses. So should the bridesmaids. Then, you should get them all something small as a thank you for being there for your special day. If you buy their dresses, then that is their thank you... Since your mom is your maid of honor, you can still have the mothers light the candles together, then your mom will just stay up there while his mom sits down. Then, you can walk down the aisle and meet your mom at the alter! :)
I have been to weddings where the mothers light the candles before the ceremony begins. Just an idea for both of them to do. I wish you the best with your planning. Maryanne
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