Six months ago, a brother I never know I had found me. With Covid and being in different states, he and I along with another brother and a bunch of aunts, uncles and extended other family members have yet to meet face to face. But hoping to soon this summer. I'm looking for advice on what not to truly say or do in advance to meeting them all. After 56 years apart, I don't want to mess up a chance on true happiness in getting to know each other.
Thanks in advance, any help would be greatly appreciated
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That is exciting to find new family! The best thing to do is say tell me more about (yourself, your childhood, your life today, your immediate family, your job, etc.) and let them talk!!
Once you feel more comfortable you can add to the conversation. Remember, they probably have the same anxiety of meeting you.
If they beat you to it and say tell me about you to you...then offer high level info and turn it back over to them.
If it starts to feel uncomfortable, try to steer them back to the positive. Even things like tell me about your favorite family vacation or birthday party, or a funny story about your mutual parent.
The keys are listening and learning, being empathetic and welcoming and keeping it light to start!!!
Blessings!!
I will tell you that we found a long lost brother just before I turned 40. He had been given up for adoption prior to my mother and father getting married. They tried to get him back after the wedding but parents' rights were different in the 60s and the adoption was allowed to stand. My mom tried to find him forever and managed just months before she passed away. When we met him, he fit right in immediately.
My brother had different life experiences than the rest of his siblings but shares a similar sense of humor and other connections. He works in computers and so do we. When Mom found him, his adopted parents had passed away and he grew up with no siblings so finding this large extended family must have been a shock, but it seems like it was a welcome one. His family now comes to Christmas and some birthdays. We all went camping once too, which was a lot of fun. He's the older brother that I never had but always wanted.
I would not worry too much about meeting your new brother. I'm sure you all will try your hardest to find common ground and it will work out for the best. Congratulations, I'm wishing you the best of luck.
This sounds like wonderful news and most likely both families are feeling the some of the same type anxieties about meeting a 'new' family. It's not clear if both families will have a large group but hopefully there will be about equal on each side.
I know the one thing that seems to usually 'break the ice' and goes over well is pictures. When I'm going to see someone that I have not seen in a long time, I try to gather pictures that were taken during the years we were apart.
Of course, this can be overwhelming also so maybe only a few pictures of the closet relatives in the beginning.
I can imagine what an exciting meeting you will have! It will really be a little difficult emotionally. I do not know why you had such a long separation, most likely one of your parents and his parents were not very good relations, therefore, you probably better avoid this topic very delicately. C'est la vie, as the French say (life is like that), we are all not ideal and everything happens in this life.
I would have a picnic in a park with open space for as many people as possible. Start with general topics. You will find that you will have some things in common to talk about. Avoid politics and religion. I have a feeling this reunion is going to go very well. Im happy for you.
You have already broken the ice, he is family. Just be welcoming , that is all anyone wants, is to be welcomed and accepted. Let this feeling come through and everything will be fine. Good Luck , we are all wishing you and your family the very best!
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