Boomerang JokeBoomerang Joke. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
Generation Gap JokeGeneration Gap Joke. A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. . .
Monogrammed Golf Balls - JokeA man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?". . .
A Texan Stopped At A Local Restaurant - JokeA Texan Stopped At A Local Restaurant - Joke. A Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. . .
Fine Jewelry JokeMrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." . . .
Mental Fitness TestMental Fitness Test. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. . .
Tomato JokeTomato Joke. How do you fix a broken tomato. . .
Snowman JokeThere are 2 snowmen standing in a field. . .
Mid Life Crisis? JokeMid Life Crisis? Joke. Well, it's not a mid-life crisis, but here's how things worked out for me. Married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV. .
Talk About Being Frugal... JokeI have cut so many corners...
Joke: The Joys of Having GirlsAhhhhh. The joys of having girls. My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). . .
Breakfast Making JokeA businessman taking a seminar on work efficiency completed a
case study of his wife's routine for fixing breakfast, and presented
the results to the class...
Be Careful What You Wish For... A JokeA man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good each one of them could have one wish...
Insect JokeThe Good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose...
Getting Old JokeI've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees; fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine...
Out of Shape JokeI feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors...
Traveling on a Train JokeI don't know if this one's been posted before but I had another funny joke to share. (It's always funny to hear good ones again...)
Two DishwashersMy husband always says I have 2 dishwashers . . .
Salesman JokeA salesman knocked on the door of a house and a little boy holding a cigar answered. The salesman looked at the boy in surprise and said, "Is your mommy or daddy at home?"
Once a Baptist, Always a BaptistJohn King was a Baptist, he had moved into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.
Hosea Can You See?This is a true story but its so funny it can be considered a joke. My daughter when she was in first grade was so proud of being in school and could not wait to come home and tell me about her day.
Frog JokeWhat happens when you illegally park a frog?
Tough Chicken JokeWhere do tough chickens come from?
Rooster JokeHow do you stop a rooster from crowing on Monday?
Bee JokeWhere did Noah keep his bees?
Girl Test JokeWanda asked the obviously expecting young mother if she knew yet what she was having. The young mother sighed, "I've always wanted a girl but after four boys I finally gave up." ...
An Old Timer Is... JokeAn old timer is a person who remembers when a pie was set on the windowsill to cool - not to THAW!
Grandma Thinking Ahead JokeGrandma was walking her grandchildren down the street, when a lady said to her,"My, what charming children. How old are they?"...
Having Mom Over for Dinner? JokeBrian had invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mom couldn't help noticing how beautiful brian's roommate, Stephanie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between them and this had only made her
more curious...
Asking Parents for Money JokeA young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, "I need to borrow two hundred dollars."
Another Deathbed Joke A man was on his deathbed and the most wonderful smell of his favorite kind of cookie came wafting up the stairs. Ever so weakly, he crawled off the bed and somehow made it downstairs...
Prayer JokeA neighbor asked a small boy if his family said prayers before meals...
Pride JokeSwallow your pride occasionally...
Snowflake JokeWhat is white and goes up?...
Death Bed JokeWhile lying on her death bed, a woman told her husband of 60 years that he could open the chest at the foot of the bed, which had been off limits to him all the years of their marriage. The old man looked inside and found 3 ears of corn...
Peanut JokeDid you hear about the peanut that was walking down the street?
What's Lost JokeThe best way to find something you have lost is...
Marriage Counseling Joke"My husband won a trip for two to Hawaii,"
Bumper Sticker Joke"Don't honk....
Frog JokeWhat is green and goes 100 mph?...
Dentist Bill JokeA woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."
Wife's Birthday JokeThe most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Dear Tech Support JokeLast year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.
Paying Young Musicians JokeUncle Rusty is a wise man. A while back he retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and quiet, puttering around his work shop.
Seattle Rain JokeA man talks to a kid on the street in Seattle, "Hey kid, I'm here visiting from California for a week and it's been raining every single day...
Spontaneous Date Night JokeA married couple, Dave and Mary, had not been out on a date in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mary was finishing the dinner dishes, Dave stepped up behind her.
Bomb Squad JokeWhat do you do when you see the bomb squad running?...
DMV JokeAfter spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son...
Louvre JokeDid you hear about the guy in Paris who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre? After planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas...
Streaking JokeYou know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked...
Shopoholic Joke"My wife is a shopaholic. The other day she tried to buy the escalator at Sears because it was marked down."...
Jack Frost Frosty the Snowman JokeWhat did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?...
Spaceman JokeQ. What do you do if you see a spaceman?..
Shoelace Vendor JokeA man had posted himself in front of an office building with a tray of shoelaces. One executive made it a daily habit to give the unfortunate a dime, but he never took the laces...
7th Grade Magazine Sale JokeThe seventh grade class which my brother teaches was holding a magazine-subscription sale...
Training JokeIt had been stressed to the instruction of airborne troops that the psychological approach was of utmost importance. "Above all," his superiors cautioned, "don't do or say anything that might cause sudden fright to trainees." ...
Shopping for a Pet JokeA man browsing in a pet shop was approached by an attractive young clerk who asked if she could assist him. "Well," the customer replied, "I'm thinking of getting a pet for a client of mine. He is a semi-invalid; can't get out of the house...
Busybody JokeA local busybody, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, asked an expectant mother point-blank whether she was going to have a baby. "Oh, goodness, no," ...
Housekeeper JokeIt was a blow to my heart when the young girl helping me with the children gave notice, but I was fond of her so...
Sugar in Tea JokeThe hostess poured a cup of tea for a middle-aged man at her party and asked him if he took sugar. "No," he said. "Yes," said his wife brightly at the same moment. Then she turned accusingly to him. "But I always put sugar in your tea!"
Lost Dog JokeWhen an American visiting a small English town lost a valuable dog, he asked to have a notice printed in the local evening paper offering $1000 for its return. Evening came, but no paper appeared. The American waited for some time.
Quiz TV Show JokeA host has a gimmick on his tv show in which he phones people at home and gives them a contest quiz...
Panhandler JokeDuring a recent hot spell in New York, a panhandler collapsed on the street...
Repairing the Garage Wall JokeA friend who usually takes a bus to work over-slept one morning and decided to drive. As he opened the garage door he saw that the rear wall
Hang-gliding in Arkansas JokeIn Arkansas, you don't see too many people hang-gliding...
Lonely Man Searching for a Woman JokeA New York city man complained to a commuter friend that he didn't know any women, and he was lonely...
Hypnotist Joke For eight days and nights Mr. Jones had been unable to sleep. All kinds of medicine had, had no effect whatsoever, and in desperation the Jones family summoned a renowned hypnotist...
Businessman Marrying His Secretary Joke"Well, my dear," said a businessman who had married his secretary, "I must get someone to replace you at the office.."
Gossip JokeMildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
Birch and a Beech Tree JokeIt is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:
Mother in Law JokeA man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
Joke - Raising Boys - 24 Key Points to Pondera) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny. (AMEN!)
Ph.D. JokeIf we could earn Ph.D's from learning by our mistakes - I'd be a Genius by now!
Wedding JokeThe bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
A Couple Buying a Car JokeA couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.
Who Should Brew the Coffee JokeA man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
If You Can... JokeIf you can start the day without caffeine...
Funeral Costs JokeA woman's husband dies. He had $30,000 to his name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left.
A Kid With Coins JokeA small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother said, "Where did you get all that money?"
Getting Rid of Germs JokeA little girls father was confined to his bed with influenza and his wife had been very busy sterilizing all his dishes. "Why do you do that, Mummy?". Because dear, Daddy has germs and the germs get on the dishes he uses.
Clean House JokeA clean house always indicates that the computer is down.
Damp Towel JokeOne day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a damp towel. Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.
Choosing a Profession JokeI remember the story about the old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession.
Policeman JokeA salesman decided to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new job.
Golden Anniversary JokeAn aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Dumbest" Kid in the World JokeA young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
Men's Hearts Beating Faster JokeWhy do men's hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?
Jogging JokeIt is well documented that for every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000. per month.
Yelling Across the River JokeOle lived across the river from Clarence--and they didn't like each other at all. They were yelling all the time across the river at each other.
Shingles JokeA man went into a doctor's office and told the receptionist he had the shingles. She told the man to sit down and that a nurse would see him shortly. After a while, the nurse saw the man, did some tests and told him to wait for the doctor. The doctor finally arrived and asked the man how he could help him.
"Pasta" JokeItalian Pasta Diet...
Sister Barbara JokeSitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100.00 bill her parents had sent.
3 Ways To Get Something DoneThere are 3 ways to get something done...
Humorous ObservationsWhy is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Borrowing Money for Vacation JokeA young blonde walks into a bank to borrow $10,000 for a European vacation.
Mixed Feelings JokeQ: What's a mixed feeling?
