Here are the questions asked by community members. Read on to see the answers provided by the ThriftyFun community.
I have been married for one and a half years and I just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a month ago.
Previously, my ex husband (5 years) cheated on me with so many other women that it almost lead me towards suicide, despite my Christian upbringing I attempted this. I could not bear to face my family's great disappointment. Finally, it ended up in a divorce, as things would not improve between us.
About a year later, I met this young gentlemen, who showed so much love, respect, and hope that I decided to get married again. But sadly, it turns out to be a nightmare worse than ever before. As I found out later, that this man is so incorrigible that when he gets mad even for the slightest thing, he screams such utter filth that I can't believe my ears. Not only that he has hit me and hammered me many times which I have kept to myself as I am ashamed to tell my parents that my second marriage is also a disaster. He starts saying evil things about my parents and say the dirtiest things about them, which hurt me the most. My mother passed away a few months ago, and even while she was hospitalized he was calling my mom a whore and wanted her to die soon. Even at the funeral he was not supportive at all. I am from a respected family and I have been brought up in a spiritual way, as my dad is a pastor you could imagine the rest. I don't know what to do. Please advise me.
I am confused as I am a mother of a child now, secondly I don't want to be in divorced state again and thirdly when he cools down he comes and apologizes and always makes it up to me.
I wish my mother was there to guide me as she is the only one who I could open up to.
By Maya
I came from an abusive home. He knows this, after 26 yrs. He cuts me down in front of my girls, saying my mind is tainted, making stuff up. I had a stroke in 2009 and he was working in California. He did not come home to take care of my 2 girls, one was 10 and the other 5 at the time. He did come home once. I begged him to stay, but he left us again. He has not worked lately. He says he has to be here for me. I took care of and still take care of my girls.
He says the same to them, telling them they sit on their brain in a nice way. He says we are brainless and tells us we are slobs. My house has always been clean. I also have fibromyalgia and I hurt, but he has me up early cooking, making coffee. I have got to clean the laundry. On my bad days he yells at me. Part of my left side doesn't work well. We hide and go in our rooms or one room together. I'm scared if I do something he will hurt us.By Tina
Take your girls, some clothes, that you can carry with you, and a few other small things like important papers, etc. and get to a shelter, then file for divorce. There is no reason to put up with his crap.
RUN! As fast and as far away as possible.. If you read your letter.. you already know the answer and are asking for support.. depend on yourself first, and then you will find that others will acknowledge.. Love has nothing to do with this..
I was in a physically abusive relationship when I was 17 and I stayed until I was 22 filed for divorce when I was 23 because I met a man that became my husband of 20 years this year. I too have fibro and arthritis in my back so understand the pain. I am not sure where you are located but here is a website that you can look up some places that can help. REMEMBER though that internet usage can be traced so if you are using a personal computer then wipe the history or at least anything that has to do with this, for your own safety.
I hope you get your girls and yourself to a safe place and get yourselves some counseling other wise the cycle might continue with your girls...Prayerful blessings and hugs from Colorado
There is no need to put up with this. Get out immediately. Your girls are big and will support you in this. Pack clothes and anything of importance and leave for a shelter or a relative or friend as soon as possible. Do you have anyone who can help you? A brother or sister? A good friend? This man is of no use to you, and only makes your life worse.
Find a women's shelter in your area and leave. If you have to leave your clothes and "stuff" behind, do it. Take your girls and get to a safe place as fast as you can. Allowing them to be in that situation will only show them that it's okay to be treated that way and most likely will perpetuate the cycle of abuse.
Find a safe house and arrange to go there. Get you and your girls out of there. If not for you, then for them. Please don't let them grow up thinking it is okay for a man to treat them badly. Call this number and they should be able to give you information about the closest safe house for you. Get away and start your life over again. You can do it! No man is worth abuse.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-SAFE (7233)
It sounds as if your husband is mentally ill. Please google "narcissistic personality disorder" so you can make a healthy decision on what to do. Its better for the children to come from a "broken" home than a crazy home.
First off, What he is saying to you is him trying to overcome his inability's by degrading you. Every word he says, he is trying to make himself feel better because he knows he is rotten. File a police report of his abuse so you can have it on record, as you plan to go to a shelter or another safe place. Leave while he is out of the house so He can't talk you down. Get a restraining order too. You can't take care of your girls unless you take care of yourself. Get out. Get counseling too. Prayers for you and thank you for reaching out.
My life has been a very confusing mess. Since I have known my husband he's been very moody, but accuses me of being very moody. I have always been liked, can hold down a job, I am college educated, and can support myself. One of the biggest pain points in our marriage is that we decided to start a business together. I came up with the name, logo, and helped to land the first major contract. I developed all of the training materials for our staff and was the client liaison. Out of the blue my husband says I am difficult to work with, everyone says I am impossible and that I am not to ever come back. Just like that. I was devastated.
Since then, we get into little arguments that always start off with me getting aggravated over something silly like him talking to his business partner on a Sunday morning for 30 minutes, and complaining about his ex-wife. When I say that this was annoying, I am accused of having the worst temper in the world, being horribly mean, overreacting, and being completely irrational. Then I get the cold shoulder, he looks off into space, and then when he does talk only refers to me as a child or will whisper because "he doesn't want to fight anymore." I literally feel crazy. Am I? Am I this monster and I don't know it, is that possible?
I have been with my husband for 16 years. During this time he has been verbally abusive to me and my daughter. He has also hit me several times, including today. We have custody of my daughter's oldest son and I am afraid he will grow up to be like him because he hears the things he has said to me.
I receive SSD so I don't have a lot of money coming in and since we did not adopt my grandson even though as far as he is concerned we are mom and dad I am not able to collect anything in my disability for him. I just don't know how I can get away from him before it is too late for me and my little one.
My husband has told me that he will hunt me down and kill me if necessary to get his "son" back. They have no blood ties. My daughter does not like him and I fear if I leave him he will go after her to get to me. She has said for me not to worry that she can take care of herself, but she has two small children at home and her husband works during the day.
I just wish there was a way to get out I have even considered moving overseas so he can't follow me, but, of course this would take a considerable amount of money which I do not have.
What can I do?
By SA
I have been with my husband for nearly 20 years and we have 5 children, who range in age from 17 to 5. When we met in college, his neediness to be "taken care of" appealed to my nurturing side and I happily obliged.
He has never paid a bill in all our years as a couple. He has never taken a second job to help pay those bills even though he loves to complain about what we don't have. He has an issue with his temper. I saw it when we were dating, but it was usually over the outcome of a sporting event so I didn't place much stock in it.
We have struggled all our married life to keep our heads above water and to maintain a happy environment for our kids. I adore being a Mom, but because he wouldn't take a second job I have had to work multiple jobs to provide for our children's needs to the point that I work nearly all of the time (literally).
He is constantly at odds with the kids, but mostly our oldest daughter because she doesn't hold back when she sees something being done wrong. He acts like a child more often than not, throwing things at the kids to "get their attention" and then ignoring them when they want his. He demands "respect", but does very little to earn it and doesn't feel he needs to give it to get it. He has admitted to our oldest that "sometimes he wishes he hadn't had kids". He has said on more than one occasion "if we hadn't had so many kids...". More often than not, when I have to work or run an errand he refers to having to watch the youngest ones as "being stuck with them". He's even said openly that he can't stand our daughter and told her as much.
In anger (usually at one or more of the kids) he's flipped tables, thrown remotes at heads, basketballs in faces, toys across the room. etc. He threatens to "beat" them and gets such a look of rage on his face over the littlest of things that it scares even me. More than once I've had to intervene, in fact I play referee between him and the kids more than anything else. He is constantly threatening to skip holidays or birthday gifts because "they don't do anything to deserve it" and I am left finding a way to do it on my own. The phrase "don't tell Dad" takes on new meaning here. He thinks feeding them dinner is a "treat"! He gives them the silent treatment or the cold shoulder as punishment when he's mad at them and holds a grudge. He won't show affection or tell them he loves them when he's in this state of mind and the kids are painfully aware of it!
I home school my oldest two because of a learning disability and a health issue and it's been a positive experience for the most part, but my husband is always saying how they'll never be able to make it in the real world because of it. Were it not for my two oldest being home schooled, I couldn't work like I do. They take turns watching their younger brother and sister before and after school and usually get that responsibility on the weekends because their father doesn't think he should have to because it's his only time off. Never mind the fact that I work six days a week 12 or more hours a day. He criticizes me in front of the kids for how long I'm gone when I go to the store or for how I spend money and for the things I do with it. He refuses to take the kids anywhere unless it serves his needs, he throws past mistakes with finances or attempts at improving our relationships in my face during an argument or the fact that I've held several jobs since we started our family nearly two decades ago (only because I was trying to be home more than away and raise my kids myself and avoid the high cost of daycare).
We are expected to spend time with his family whenever an opportunity arises, but if I want to do something with mine (who live 2 hours away or more) he says the kids have to "earn it". He even makes derogatory comments about them as if they are not as "normal" as his own. I have been living away from my family all of my adult life and it saddens me to think of all the wonderful memories my children could have had. My dad is gone now, Mom re-married and my nieces and nephews are all grown up. We can't get that time back.
If I ask him to help out with the kids or by doing something like take out the garbage or fix something that's broken he either puts it off indefinitely or asks one of the kids to do it, but if he asks one of them or me to do something and we do the same he flips out. He's constantly saying how if everyone would just keep him happy things would be a whole lot better at home. He pressures me for sex and openly "jokes" about not getting it often enough in front of other people. He makes lewd comments and gestures in front of the kids that make them uncomfortable and then says "at least you have two parents who love each other". He leaves bathing and bedtime to me or expects the older kids to do it. His main concern is for himself. He yells at the kids for changing the channel or leaving food out, but when he does it it's okay cause it's "his house", "his TV", or "his money that bought the food". (His take home is less than mine, btw). Combined, the two of us make just enough to "not" qualify for any help, but not enough to "not" need it!
He is highly unmotivated and extremely negative about anything and everything to the point that the older kids want me to leave. I feel like we're walking on eggshells waiting for the next blow up. Even the kids' friends notice and don't like to come around when he's there because he screams and yells in front of them too! I'm constantly having to choose between him and the kids. I too dream of leaving rather than staying, but with five kids and questionable "abuse" I feel foolish seeking help from a shelter.
I am fiercely loyal to my work (which I love) and don't want to leave the area because of that. I've cared for a friend's elderly Father who suffers from Alzheimer's for several years. It's the reason I can work so much and still home school! I just want it to be me and the kids so I can salvage what's left of their childhood, but can't imagine being able to do this on my own. I feel very "stuck"! I even tried to leave twice before, but financially it's just so difficult. I asked him to leave and deal with his anger issues and he refused, saying he didn't think it was necessary. Sadly, I love him, but am not in love with him anymore. I've made my share of mistakes over the years, but marrying him wasn't one of them because it gave me my kids whom I adore. I fear that staying with him will cause me to lose them and that is something I could not bear. Any advice or direction you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
By Anastacia
I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 8 years. After the kids I got really depressed, but my husband didn't help either. He would always point out how hot these other girls were and how he would have sex with them. Then it got to the point he started to ask me, for years, to add people to our marriage. Not one day went by where I didn't felt helpess and worthless with him.
I don't feel like his wife, just a maid or slave to him. I have told him this, at first he didn't understand, but now he is saying he is going to do better, but I don't believe him. It happens so often, over and over again, he wants to work it out, but I'm afraid it's too late. I dont want to do anymore, I'm so confused, any advice?I have been with this man for 14 yrs, When he gets angry he's really mean and calls me all kind of names. He has hit me before. We have got 2 boys 15 & 7. He hasn't hit me in a while, but always threatens me that he is gonna hit me.
Last night he asked me about my job. I work 10 hrs a day. He's disabled and stays at home and sleeps all day. Most of the time my oldest takes more care of my youngest than he does. I'm an account manager at a rent to own furniture store and one of the guys used to help me when I had to pick merchandise. Yesterday he asked me who was helping now that he left and I told him the manager is. Then he said does mean he's picking up your stuff now? I told him no, he sent the delivery guy. He got so mad because I didn't say the delivery driver helps me too. He thinks I like him and I don't even talk to the guy. He called me all kinds of names, cursed me out and got in my face yelling. His hand was all in front of my face. I told him he needed to move his hand away from my face and he got angrier and started to say if I didn't stop telling him that, he would hit me, saying I was being sneaky and trying to lie because I like the guy.
I tried to talk to him again today, no luck. There were more insults and name calling. It was so loud that my kids could hear everything. I don't know what to do any more. I feel so sad, I cry all night and when I think about it I want to cry more. I'm so tired and unhappy. He always tells me it is my fault because I don't know how to communicate or have conversations and that's why he gets so angry. He doesn't have patience for stupidity. He says it is my fault because I didn't tell him that my manager was helping me by sending the delivery guy to pickup my merchandise? Instead I told him my manager was helping me?
My husband and I have been together for 19 years and married for 13. We have two sons ages 16 and 9. They are the most wonderful things in my life! My husband and I have our share of problems which go back for years. When we argue my husband makes our 16 year old come in the room and listen and watch everything. He puts me down and calls me names in front of my kids. I feel so degraded, so awful about myself, with no self esteem left.
Well this year my husband gives me an ultimatum, either sign divorce papers or I have to get out of the house knowing I have nowhere to go. So I signed the papers. All I get is my car and joint custody with child support. He decided how much to pay and could very well be paying more.
Well we're divorced now and still live together for the time being. My question is can I go and change some things on the divorce papers since I was forced into signing them in the first place?
By Be
Both of you should have had attorneys and had a meeting including the attorneys to divide things up. He can't just decide what is what. Also the amount of child support should be determined at that meeting or in court. Instead of staying in the house take your sons and go to an abused women's shelter. Did your husband have an attorney or did he find some papers online and print them out?
Both of you should have had attorneys and had a meeting including the attorneys to divide things up. He can't just decide what is what. Also the amount of child support should be determined at that meeting or in court. Instead of staying in the house take your sons and go to an abused women's shelter. Did your husband have an attorney or did he find some papers online and print them out?
Get to an attorney or a legal aid office now! Don't listen to another word this guy says and Do not tell him what you are planning to do. Take all your paperwork with you. It might be a good idea to talk to the police dept. about getting an article of protection against this guy, because to me he sounds abusive. Stop signing papers he shoves in front of you, think of your kids, stand up for them and yourself! You can do it! A local women's center can help you and direct you to some good legal advice. Good Luck.
I am 47, I have been married for 8 years. I have an older son, but he is not my husband's. My marriage has fallen apart. Over the years my husband has been verbally abusive and he has a very keen liking for alcohol. The other month my husband brought our daughter home, who is 15, in the car under the influence of alcohol.
My daughter said her bit to him and he promised he would not drink anymore. Sometimes I fear for our safety. His family thinks I am terrible as their son does no wrong in their eyes! I want a divorce, but feel like I am falling into a black hole. I am just crying all the time. Please help with some advice.By Ann
I am so sorry you had to go through this. You don't deserve it. I am hearing that you want to leave, but as in many circumstances you don't have the emotional energy to do this. If you do leave you need to get some counseling also to make sure you are supported by someone. You would be helped by knowing there is a higher power, not just a higher power that exists but one who loves you and wants the best for you, daily.
It is not the best thing to live like this.
Sometimes you need help taking the first step. Do you fear for your safety as far as the alcoholism and physical abuse? There is no reason to stay in a marriage or relationship where abuse is part of it. It voids the whole thing. The blessings/authority of a husband/man is lost when he becomes disobedient enough to abuse in any way. You have to be willing to use resources that are there to help you.
Call the local united way and find out where the resources are for women and their kids who need help. You may not have a job. That can seem scary sometimes. You need to concentrate on you and find out what steps need to be done for you to make you whole again. It starts with realizing how much God loves you and how much you need to love youself.
Blessings, Robyn
My husband was abused and yelled at as a child by his father. He also had to endure the fact that I had an STD that I gave to him knowing I had it, but thought since it hadn't flared up in years and I didn't give it to anyone else that I could justify not telling him.
We have been married for a year and a half and when we argue he always brings that up whether we are talking about it or not. He will get mad and say you're a whore, a tramp, and you're lucky I even stay with you. After all that keeping me up all night yelling and cussing he will say it's my fault for him acting the way he does. He also says it's my fault and my family's fault for him not being able to get a decent job when he has a domestic violence charge against him from me and that's what really is keeping him from getting a job. He hasn't hit me since we quit drinking together, but it seems he is in a argument that lasts all night degrading me every 2 to 3 weeks.
He has agreed to christian marriage counseling, which we go to. I feel scared to talk and tell my true feelings because we are in the same room and I'm afraid he might yell at me afterward if I seem like I'm pointing fingers at him.
I work at night and he works days and I pay most all the bills because he can't find a decent paying job. He expects me to quit my job just because of people at work flirting with me which is going to happen because I'm a 29 year old server at a fine dining restaurant.
My question is, I'm getting really fed up. I'm 7 months pregnant and I want to work things out, but don't know that it will get better. Is my husband abusive or just very unforgiving? He shows signs of hope with counseling and not drinking, but he has a temper out of this world and his words cut like a knife and I don't want us to be like this when our little girl is born.
By Sasha from Tupelo, MS
My now-ex, who I was with for almost 9 years, became very angry and abusive when I ended the relationship. He raised my daughter from 9 months old to almost 9 years of age and requested that we change her last name to his, and then spoke of adopting her.
When I left him, he was only physically abusive once and refused to leave, I stuck it out another 5 years. Then I put my foot down because I just didn't love him anymore. He became very very angry and abusive. I'm unsure if he was abusive during the relationship or if it all began when I ended it.
My question is what can my husband's lawyer do to get this charge removed from his file and have him not charged? A little bit of the background to try and get the best answer. My husband and I have been together for over 20 years, married for 10 of those years. We have 3 children together. About 3 months ago my husband and I started having some marriage issues between work, money, and sex.
I am a woman that holds everything in until I need to explode. He is more verbal about his feelings as far as being able to express them. About a month ago I left with the kids to go to the park with my parents and my husband called to see where I was. My father answered the phone and told him that we were up there at their campground/park walking around and playing. My husband asked my father to talk to me and he refused.
I was unaware of several other conversations before this one. My husband and I had made plans to have supper at a certain time and when the kids got hungry, I suggested that we should go back to the house, but my mom butted in and told the kids to go pick up sticks so we could build a fire and cook hot dogs.
Later on that evening there was another phone call from my husband asking again where the kids and I were. My father told him that we were on the way home. I got home and my husband was so mad at me for lying to him about not telling him that we were going to the park. I said yes, I told you. A little bit later after some screaming and yelling, he slapped me across the cheek. It was not a full open hand slap, but more like a hard chin lift to try to get me to look at him and talk to him. I freaked out and ran out the door and went to beg my parents to come back to the house with me so we could talk to him.
They suggested that we go to the police and file a report, so I did. In the heat of the moment, comments and words were said and my father confirmed that my husband did indeed say them, so the police charged my husband with terroristic threat charges. The night that this all happened I did not want to go to the police because I thought by morning nerves and emotions would be calmed down enough so we would be able to talk. I did not want to put a full PFA on my husband that night, but I was listening to my parents advice, domestic violence advice, and my appointed lawyer's advice instead of what my brain and heart was saying. I was scared and confused, not necessarily for my safety or my children's safety but because of how much the heated conversation had got at the moment.
I currently have dropped the PFA against my husband, but we did not have our hearing for that yet. The terroristic threat charge hearing is coming up. The arresting officer that night called my father and myself to show up as witnesses. My father told me that yes, he is going to tell the court that my husband did make some threats that night, but he feels strongly that he would not have acted upon them. I also have within my PFA report that those comments were made and I feel the same way, that they were heat of the moment comments and he would not of acted upon them at all. My husband loves his family that we made together and there is no way on earth that he would try to harm us in any way.
We've both been married twice before. I was skeptical in the beginning. We had about a 4 year, long distance relationship, midwest to the south. He would visit me often and regularly. We had lots of fun, laughed, went to dinner and he always bought me flowers. He was a true gentleman an still is to this day. But when I asked him if he drank during the week he sly not acceptable habit in my living arrangement. I had been there before.
Eventually I did move to the midwest and we lived together for 3 years before getting married. The thrill, so to speak, has gone and although he loves me and I love him most of the time (when he's not drinking), his pattern is between 5:30 pm to 7 pm. He drinks about 4 beers and 3 scotches, but they equal out to about 9 shots. He doesn't sip. He drinks them like water.
Most of the time he's verbal to me. Often he forgets things during a conversation or the next day. H's lied to me about his alcohol consumption from the start and he's very good at deceit without being hurtful. He's lied about smoking. The longer we are together the worse it seems to get. His 34 year old son recently told me none of this surprises him. He's been doing it all his life.
I'm afraid, not of him. I'm a strong woman who knows when to leave the room, when not to start a confrontation. In fact sometimes I write lengthy letters and email him and we'll get together that night to talk peacefully. I know he has a disease and I will never change him. He's not violent. He's in denial and won't let me help him and often doesn't like to talk about it. Wen he's verbal he always tries to put it on me like,"oh, its all about you all the time" huh? He doesn't even make sense.
He's a been professional for over 35 years or more and very smart. He's clean and organized. He's just stuck in his pattern now forever. We are 62 and 58. I'm tempted to leave, but I cannot work anymore and I don't know how I'd live. We both own everything together, but he's the one who worked all those years to get it. I would feel so guilty if I took 1/2 of everything he's been working for all his life. We love each other. I'm just so sad this is happening and getting worse. I don't know what to do. I'm sure he doesn't even tell his doctor about his outrageous drinking each week or his smoking.
Ay advice would help I'm sure
By Carolyn from IL
Have you ever heard of ALANON! It's for loved ones of the alcoholic. What they do is take the focus off the alcoholic and show you ways to live your life. I have been where you are but on both sides. I am a recovering alcoholic for 27 years and live with a practicing one. It's not an easy thing to do. One thing about a verbal abusive alcoholic is it won't get better and probably will only get worse.
Sweetie, you have to realize no matter how much you both love each other there are three people in this marriage. There is you, him and the alcoholic and it will stay that way until he reaches his bottom. You need to take care of you, and you are being abused. And it will only get worse until he gets help, and you don't deserve this treatment,no woman does. Sure he says he's sorry the next day, but, how many times till it doesn't mean anything anymore,or until it escalates to physical abuse or worse.
Once a man starts the abuse cycle it doesn't get better til they get help for it. If he is in denial you need to get out to be safe. And if he really loves you and wants you back, he will get help. If he doesn't at least you will be alive. Go to a home for abused women and talk to them they can help you and give you some advice and talk with some of the women. This is an epidemic in our society now and too many women don't make it out alive. Please get some help for yourself, you can't change him, only he can.
Been there, done that too. Grew up with alchoholic parents. As I have been told by counselors, you didn't cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it. No one chooses to be an alchoholic-it is a disease/addiction. They must want to change for themselves and the first step is admitting it.
Sounds like you are making no progress. You have some choices-a trial separation, marriage counseling, and you can attend for free a support group - AA for spouses/others living with an alchohlic- He doesn't have to like any of it. You have to do what keeps you safe and sane. If you have a pastor/preacher, talk to them. Ultimately you have to look out for yourself and realize that he will have to deal with your decisions just as you have been dealing with his.
It's a 2 way street-not one way. It takes 2 to make a marriage and 2 to break a marriage. Weigh what makes you happy-what you need and then take action. Verbal abuse is abuse. You might want to talk to your local domestic abuse counselors--they know about all types of abuse and are very helpful. They also have support groups. Get other input, give lots of thought and soul searching to this and then do what you heart and mind tell you are safe and sane options for you. God bless you and good luck.
I have been with my husband for 19 years. We have two girls. On a daily basis he is fine. He works and pays the bills. I work, as well, although I don't contribute much to bills.
He only really gets mad over money and me not spending much time with him. When he is mad he yells, screams, calls me horrible names, and accuses me of cheating. He has occasionally thrown things. I do love my husband and I know he loves us too. I told him I was leaving and he apologized for treating me badly and said he knows he can't act like that in front of kids. He knows its hurting them. He says he wants us to be happy and promised to make it right for the kids.
I'm so confused. I don't know if I should believe him and give him one last chance or just take my girls and go. I know if we leave we would be struggling to live. I know that nobody deserves any form of abuse, but if I compromise and help out with bills and spending time with him maybe things will get better. Not sure if I should give up yet or make an effort to help change things.
By EM
It's my 2nd marriage and I have a 7 year old boy from my previous marriage. I got married in 2010 and I had a daughter and 1 son who is 7 months with my current husband. I came to the USA 2 years ago. In Karachi I was a banker by profession for 10 years and belonged to very educated family. I'm a green card holder, yet to be a citizen.
My husband is not only verbally abusive, but he has hit me several time even when I was pregnant, in my 9th month. I ended up going to the hospital and was admitted there for 3 days. He is an alcoholic and not ready to quit and drinks daily until is is drunk and losses all his senses.
Now we keep on having arguments every 3rd day and he abuses me in front of my 7 year son who he hit so hard his teeth were broken. Our arguments have gone to the extreme. He recently bought his mother from his country. She is staying with us and that's another added responsibility on me beside 3 kids of my own. He is not helpful at all and keeps ordering me all the time, do this, do that, and not even helping when it comes to kids or house work and outside work like grocery shopping, etc.
Now he says I should leave the kids and go back to my own country. He says he would live here separately as he would take away the green card which I got from him, as he is a citizen. How can I go back leaving the kids? He is not willing to negotiate if I say let's live here separately and I can earn income myself and the kids can see both of us. He will not let me live with him. If I were a citizen he would have no choice, but now it's my desire to live with him for 3 years to get the citizenship.
I keep trying everyday and try to stay calm, but am just fed up with every day arguments and his mother who is always showing me attitude and criticizing me in to her family. What to do?
By Sad girl
