Alternatives to a Gift Registry

My fiancee and I have agreed that a gift registry would not work for us. Our families are very old fashioned and are not to up to date. What wording can we use on our invitations, reply cards, or reception cards? We want to have a wishing well or a really nicely decorated box where we can receive either money or gift cards.

We're expecting 300+ guests. We don't want to sound rude but we're moving out for the first time and would really like to shop for our home on our own.

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Any advice?

Annie from Los Angeles, CA

January 25, 20060 found this helpful

maybe you could start a bank account and name it something like "new home fund" or "1st Home fund" or something like that. this way people could just deposit money into the account knowing it's gonna help you get something you want. And they won't feel pressured into buying something expensive for your wedding because you won't know who deposited how much. i did this for my baby shower to start an education fund plus i didn't want to go through the hussle of returning what i didn't like. on the invite i wrote.. the expectant parrents have registered for the necessities at ______ and _______ . if you prefer, an account is opened at ________ that will be used to help pay for the birth and the future needs of the baby. You will obvisously need to change the theme but hopefully the wording helps.

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January 25, 20060 found this helpful

I think you should have your wishing well at the reception for those who bring cards, but don't write anything on your invitations. Instead, when your guests ask your closest relative what you need, s/he can tell them then. That way they can decide to go in on something you really have your heart set on or they can put in on an envelope.

Good Luck!

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January 25, 20060 found this helpful

I applaud you on thinking of your 1st home purchase so early in the wedding process.....Here is my suggestion, I would make a note on the invitation something like "(insert bride and grooms name here) have decided that as they begin their lives together, the most important gift contributuion they could receive from friends and family would be a monetary donation for them to use in the purchase of thier first home. A wishing well will be located at the reception hall gift table for guests to deposit their contributions."

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January 25, 20060 found this helpful

I think it is a great idea asking for gift cards or cash, and I don't think it is rude; but, with three hundred guests someone is bound to think your idea is rude, you can't please all the people all the time! And, trust me, if your grandma wants to buy you a crock-pot, she is GOING to whether you want her to or not! I personally prefer to give gifts of money, it saves me the time of having to shop and decide what a newly married couple would like. How about a little poem....We have a little wish, you may agree it's really swell, instead of your having to shop for a gift, drop your card in the wishing well. (Corny, I know!)

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January 26, 20060 found this helpful

Invitiations should have no mention of gifts other than "no gifts requested". Register at a range of stores-everything from Macy's to Target to Home DEpot and if anyone ASKS you or your relatives what you need, they can be so advised. You can probably register on these sites for Gift Cards, too. I probabaly wouldn't even attend a wedding where I was "shaken down" for cash. It gives me a lot of pleasure to shop for "perfect gifts" and I would hope that the receipient would be appreciative of the time and effort I put into doing so.

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January 26, 20060 found this helpful

sorry i am old fashioned to, but i think it is a bit unseemly to tell people to "give me money or nothing".

if you know there are things you do want. register them at the stores where you want things. if not hope they will give you money. Period.

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Anonymous Flag
January 26, 20060 found this helpful

I would much rather give someone money if that's what they need than buy some gift they don't want or can't use.

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January 26, 20060 found this helpful

I agree with you. Maybe you can select a dept. store or 2 that are near your new home and mention a gift certificate fund to these places.

Many years ago we were given a bunch of Hamilton Beach appliances and none of them lasted more than a year. Stay away from this brand. GE wasn't much better.

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January 26, 20060 found this helpful

Are you having a bridal shower? When I got married that 's where all the gifts were from. For the actual wedding gifts I would say 80% were cash.

I wouldn't put any money request in writting just make it known to your relatives and they can spread the word

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January 26, 20060 found this helpful

Sorry, but I think this is very tacky. Most people already give the gift of money, and any mention of any type of gift on the invitation is very distasteful in my opinion. If you don't believe me, buy a wedding etiquette book. I also think it's sad that one poster doesn't like the "hassle" of having to exchange a gift. The giver went through the "hassle" of buying you something, didn't they?

Sandy

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January 27, 20060 found this helpful

I guess I'm old-fashioned and feel it would be very tacky to request only getting money....some people do not have a lot of money and and a gift of money shows exactly how much you are giving....they might be able to afford a very nice gift that was on sale and looks like it was more expensive! Most gifts can be returned, so if you get some things you'd rather not keep, then you can just return or exchange. Register at some places you like to shop and specify the items you'd like to receive. I do feel that mentioning what you'd like in your invitation would be a no-no!

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January 27, 20060 found this helpful

I find it hard to believe that, at a wedding where 300 people are invited, that at least some won't know how to use a gift registry. In my opinion, it is tacky and unseemly to make ANY mention of gifts on the invitation, even a gift registry. My advice: go ahead and register at a variety of stores, then let close family members share the bridal couple's needs, WHEN ASKED.

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January 27, 20060 found this helpful

I agree with the majority of responses, it is definitely tacky and in bad taste to ask for cash. No matter how you word it, it looks and sounds like you are begging for money. I would not even attend a wedding where the request was made. People give gifts they are able to afford, and do so with the best of intentions.

But, on a positive note, most people do give money for weddings, so definitely have the wishing well.

There will always be those who want to give gifts instead, and will buy one even if you'd rather not get it. Definitely accept it gratiously, and with the intent that it was given.

Also, tell all close relatives to pass the work that you are saving to buy a home -- that should put the idea to give cash in most ears -- or, that you really need XXXXX (and think carefully about practicle stuff). It could be anything that you'd find extremely useful, like your favorite colored linens (bath or kitchen towels, dish rags, pot holders, sheets), paper goods (TP, kleenex, envelopes, stamps, books), gardening supplies, groceries with favorite recipes attached, or just about anything you could use and would have to buy anyway, still leaving all the important stuff for you to pick out later.

With 300+ guests, you're bound to get lots of money and still some stuff that you'll be able to use. Good luck on your big day.

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Anonymous Flag
January 27, 20060 found this helpful

Ha! susanmajp's post reminded me. At our wedding we recieved a large package wrapped in gold paper. When we went home and opened our gifts we tried to guess what it was. It turned out to be a box filled with TP, paper towels and tissues. Either the card fell off or the giver didn't want to identify themselves, so we never did know who gave it to us. But I have to say it was among the most useful gifts we recieved!! I just feel guilty six and a half years later because I never knew who to thank. Maybe it was supposed to be a gag gift. I don't really know. But hey, we were able to use it!! :)

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January 27, 20060 found this helpful

If it helps, I was just married in Aug 05 and we had basicly the same problem but with wanting certain gifts and getting stuff like angel towels for a rubber duckie themed bathroom. Just think of all the people that will give you something you don't necessarily want and as long as it's something that can't be missed/used, try to find out where they got it and take it back. Explain that it was a gift and you have no reciept and most places will allow you to exchange it for store credit to use now or when you figure out you need something else. (If it's something you've gotten that "should be" set out, and from someone that will notice, put it in a seldom used room where you don't actually have to look at it very often, but will make them feel as if you really do value it.)

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January 28, 20060 found this helpful

When you send out the invitations for your wedding, you can suggest that money gifts be given for a specific purpose, such as to help with the costs of your new Home, or something you have been saving for. The request should be on an insert, and not on the invitation. Another way to make your wishes known is to do so verbally when asked. You can also tell your wedding party and parents and let them spread the word when asked.

Search the web for: Wording For Monetary Gifts or Monetary gift poem.

when you find them just re-word them to suit your own needs, thats what we're doing for our may wedding, we also found a nice wedding card box on ebay!

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January 30, 20060 found this helpful

It is never polite to ask for gifts of any kind. Even registry information technically shouldn't be offered unless someone asks for it. You should only be inviting people to your wedding so that they can be there to support you and celebrate with you as you begin your married life. If they wish to give you a gift, that is there chosing. If you ask them for money you're not only telling them they are required to give a gift (which they aren't!), you're also telling them that they aren't capable of buying you a proper gift.

Now some people do not mind giving money as gifts, so what you can do is let your bridesmaids and other people involved in the wedding know your wishes. That way, if someone asks for gift ideas, they can tell them your preference.

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January 31, 20060 found this helpful

NEVER ask for money. It's very rude as most people here agree. You get what you get and you're darn lucky to get it. Most people feel wedding gifts are an obligation, so gift registries in my opinion aren't rude. At least then people feel that they are getting you something you need and not wasting their or your time by getting something useles. Register at stores that offer items YOU would need. If you have no use for china and crystal, but would prefer new camping gear, by all means register for that! And don't forget, when you do get a house, you need supplies for that house. People probably won't remember what they got you a month down the road, so feel free to return things. Sometimes if you return an item and buy something much cheaper at the store, you can get cash back. There are, of course, the special gifts from people really close to you, that do matter to the giver and should matter to you. Use your discretion when returning these items.

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February 6, 20060 found this helpful

I got both money and household supplies at my wedding. At the time, I thought I had everything I needed to set up housekeeping. Still, some wiser wives (with more seniority I like to say), gifted me with things that I couldn't do without now and 10 years later I think of them whenever I pull that item out.

Relax, have fun celebrating and you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised!

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March 16, 20060 found this helpful

ok, so despite all the NO's that I got as feedback... I went ahead and printed up the verse below on little cards and placed them in the reception card portion of the invitation.

I was reluctant after all the feedback I got but I talked it over with my parents and they thought it was a good idea.

So this is what I had:

A wishing well we thought would be great,

(But only if you want to participate).

A gift of money is placed in the well,

Then make a wish - but Shhh, don't tell!

Once we've replaced the old with the new,

We can look back and say it was thanks to you!

For your convenience we are also registered at

Macy's Department stores.

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March 16, 20060 found this helpful

I think that is great to give that choice. Alot of older relatives (or ones with little ones) may not have the time to go to a store, only to have the registry not updated and you are stuck with 3 woks! That also helps relieve the stress of having to return a well-intentioned gift that will not work for your house, and it is still helpful. The bank account post is also great, wish I thought of that for my little ones & wedding!

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March 17, 20060 found this helpful

Hi Annie, Have you ever though about Registering with The Pampered Chef? Our catalog can be viewed on-line and orders and be placed online as well. The best part you can select the items that you need. All our products carry guarantees and are of fine quality without those expensive prices.

Gifts can be purchased and sent to you should a guest is unable to come.

I would be happy to send you my link and help you Pamper your Kitchen. Best Wishes, Stacey

You or any else interested can contact me at:

staceycooks4u @ hotmail.com (remove spaces)

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April 20, 20070 found this helpful

try this poem,

...to make it easy for you

and avoid a shopping spree

we thought that we should have instead,

a little money tree...

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May 24, 20070 found this helpful

I think that it is incredibly hard to ask for money as a gift, even though it is something that would truly help you out. I ran into the same problem as I was preparing for my wedding. My solution? I created a new company, www.Reebles.com. It is an Online Cash Gift Registry. This way, people can contribute any amount that they want, and if they can't afford a lot they can do it anonymously. This is a tasteful way to ask for money as a gift. This gives you the purchasing power. All of your friends and family can chip in to help you get that one BIG gift that you really need. I wish you the best.

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June 17, 20080 found this helpful

The people you invite to your wedding are those that care about you and the future of the bride and groom. If they wouldn't come because of the type of gift registry, you probably don't want them there anyway. Most friends and family are going to want to contribute to your future, be it a home or proper honeymoon, rather than by some useless kitchen gadget that will never be used. Not everyone can afford the marriage and life thereafter that they could in the 1950's, and I think alternative registry's are perfect for the modern bride and groom.

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July 3, 20080 found this helpful

I too am newly engaged. My fiance and I do not yet own a home and plan to travel a great deal. We have lived together before and have plates, napkins, towels, etc. The only things we would really need if we decided to settle down and buy home are so cumbersome that our friends wouldn't purchase them anyways (furniture, etc.) so my advice is to suggest that you would prefer money in a polite way.

If they are offended then my guess is they are cheap and would be embarrassed to express how much money they were planning to spend on a gift. My fiance and I are planning to register with a honeymoon registry. It's another alternate that might be an option for the people who find it absolutely necessary to purchase a gift. Good luck.

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September 11, 20080 found this helpful

I think asking for cash is not impolite. It is customary to give and receive gifts at a wedding. So, why can't the couple express what they truly want and need. The couple should definitely never directly request a gift. Obviously, the guests presence alone is gift enough. A wedding serves multiple purposes, to celebrate a couples union and to prepare them with the things they need for a long, happy, life together. Every guest should bring a gift to a wedding, regardless of whether it is sentimental, not costly or expensive. It is actually impolite to come empty handed.

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October 22, 20080 found this helpful

I am all for monetary gifts. People's lives are so busy these days and to waste time, effort and money on searching for that perfect gift can be overwhelming, especially when you have small children to care for.

I think its a good idea for people to give monetary gifts as they would be spending the money anyway. There's nothing worse than getting 2 toasters, 5 kettles etc especially when you are already set up and don't really like or will enjoy the gift. Then to make it worse you go and pawn it off or give it away and they come and visit and don't see their gift in sight! So I am totally all for monetary gifts.

When my husband I are got married we asked all our friends and family for a donation, their donations were a great blessing as my husband had no work entering into our married life and I was working the bare minimum myself.

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