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My fiancee and I have agreed that a gift registry would not work for us. Our families are very old fashioned and are not to up to date. What wording can we use on our invitations, reply cards, or reception cards? We want to have a wishing well or a really nicely decorated box where we can receive either money or gift cards.
We're expecting 300+ guests. We don't want to sound rude but we're moving out for the first time and would really like to shop for our home on our own.
Annie from Los Angeles, CA
maybe you could start a bank account and name it something like "new home fund" or "1st Home fund" or something like that. this way people could just deposit money into the account knowing it's gonna help you get something you want. And they won't feel pressured into buying something expensive for your wedding because you won't know who deposited how much.
I think you should have your wishing well at the reception for those who bring cards, but don't write anything on your invitations. Instead, when your guests ask your closest relative what you need, s/he can tell them then. That way they can decide to go in on something you really have your heart set on or they can put in on an envelope.
I applaud you on thinking of your 1st home purchase so early in the wedding process.....Here is my suggestion, I would make a note on the invitation something like "(insert bride and grooms name here) have decided that as they begin their lives together, the most important gift contributuion they could receive from friends and family would be a monetary donation for them to use in the purchase of thier first home. A wishing well will be located at the reception hall gift table for guests to deposit their contributions."
I think it is a great idea asking for gift cards or cash, and I don't think it is rude; but, with three hundred guests someone is bound to think your idea is rude, you can't please all the people all the time! And, trust me, if your grandma wants to buy you a crock-pot, she is GOING to whether you want her to or not!
Invitiations should have no mention of gifts other than "no gifts requested". Register at a range of stores-everything from Macy's to Target to Home DEpot and if anyone ASKS you or your relatives what you need, they can be so advised. You can probably register on these sites for Gift Cards, too. I probabaly wouldn't even attend a wedding where I was "shaken down" for cash. It gives me a lot of pleasure to shop for "perfect gifts" and I would hope that the receipient would be appreciative of the time and effort I put into doing so.
sorry i am old fashioned to, but i think it is a bit unseemly to tell people to "give me money or nothing".
if you know there are things you do want. register them at the stores where you want things. if not hope they will give you money. Period.
I would much rather give someone money if that's what they need than buy some gift they don't want or can't use.
I agree with you. Maybe you can select a dept. store or 2 that are near your new home and mention a gift certificate fund to these places.
Many years ago we were given a bunch of Hamilton Beach appliances and none of them lasted more than a year. Stay away from this brand. GE wasn't much better.
Are you having a bridal shower? When I got married that 's where all the gifts were from. For the actual wedding gifts I would say 80% were cash.
Sorry, but I think this is very tacky. Most people already give the gift of money, and any mention of any type of gift on the invitation is very distasteful in my opinion. If you don't believe me, buy a wedding etiquette book. I also think it's sad that one poster doesn't like the "hassle" of having to exchange a gift. The giver went through the "hassle" of buying you something, didn't they?
I guess I'm old-fashioned and feel it would be very tacky to request only getting money....some people do not have a lot of money and and a gift of money shows exactly how much you are giving....they might be able to afford a very nice gift that was on sale and looks like it was more expensive! Most gifts can be returned, so if you get some things you'd rather not keep, then you can just return or exchange. Register at some places you like to shop and specify the items you'd like to receive. I do feel that mentioning what you'd like in your invitation would be a no-no!
I find it hard to believe that, at a wedding where 300 people are invited, that at least some won't know how to use a gift registry. In my opinion, it is tacky and unseemly to make ANY mention of gifts on the invitation, even a gift registry. My advice: go ahead and register at a variety of stores, then let close family members share the bridal couple's needs, WHEN ASKED.
I agree with the majority of responses, it is definitely tacky and in bad taste to ask for cash. No matter how you word it, it looks and sounds like you are begging for money. I would not even attend a wedding where the request was made. People give gifts they are able to afford, and do so with the best of intentions.
But, on a positive note, most people do give money for weddings, so definitely have the wishing well.
There will always be those who want to give gifts instead, and will buy one even if you'd rather not get it. Definitely accept it gratiously, and with the intent that it was given.
Also, tell all close relatives to pass the work that you are saving to buy a home -- that should put the idea to give cash in most ears -- or, that you really need XXXXX (and think carefully about practicle stuff). It could be anything that you'd find extremely useful, like your favorite colored linens (bath or kitchen towels, dish rags, pot holders, sheets), paper goods (TP, kleenex, envelopes, stamps, books), gardening supplies, groceries with favorite recipes attached, or just about anything you could use and would have to buy anyway, still leaving all the important stuff for you to pick out later.
With 300+ guests, you're bound to get lots of money and still some stuff that you'll be able to use. Good luck on your big day.
Ha! susanmajp's post reminded me. At our wedding we recieved a large package wrapped in gold paper. When we went home and opened our gifts we tried to guess what it was. It turned out to be a box filled with TP, paper towels and tissues. Either the card fell off or the giver didn't want to identify themselves, so we never did know who gave it to us. But I have to say it was among the most useful gifts we recieved!! I just feel guilty six and a half years later because I never knew who to thank. Maybe it was supposed to be a gag gift. I don't really know. But hey, we were able to use it!! :)
If it helps, I was just married in Aug 05 and we had basicly the same problem but with wanting certain gifts and getting stuff like angel towels for a rubber duckie themed bathroom. Just think of all the people that will give you something you don't necessarily want and as long as it's something that can't be missed/used, try to find out where they got it and take it back. Explain that it was a gift and you have no reciept and most places will allow you to exchange it for store credit to use now or when you figure out you need something else. (If it's something you've gotten that "should be" set out, and from someone that will notice, put it in a seldom used room where you don't actually have to look at it very often, but will make them feel as if you really do value it.)
I am having a housewarming celebration. My home is completely furnished with the exception of major appliances. Would it be proper to ask for money or to have a money tree for guests to place their gifts of money?
If it is correct to ask, how would this be stated on the invitation?
Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
If someone were hosting the housewarming party for you, this would be acceptable. Unfortunately, I believe the answer to your question is no. Etiquette says one does not ask for gifts or money for oneself. Times, they are a-changing and many people may disagree with me but I still think it is tacky to invite someone to your home and ask for a gift and/or for money. I, for one, would be offended.
The only suggestion I have in this case is that perhaps you have a friend to whom you can strongly suggest you need money for major appliances and she might pass the word around.
Enjoy your party AND your new home!
I agree with it being tacky to ask your family and friends to give you gifts and money. If you've been hinting it around, they should know. If they get you gifts that you don't want, simply return them for store credit and get what you truly wanted or need. There's no need to be greedy at this point in our lives.
I can't think of a faster way to create enemies than to ask them for money! You would be fodder for the gossipmongers for months to come. I hope you won't do it.
I think that it is appropriate to have a wishingwell housewarming if your home is already furnished. I'm doing it but it's hosted by my sister and a friend. It's probaly better if the invite is coming from someone else or use www.evite.com to send invitations. I would include this in my invitations stating that monetary gifts are prefered just like wedding receptions.
back in the day people used to throw "rent" parties. If it is presented in this type of way then I think it is ok. However if you present it as a house warming party then like everyone has said its not cool to ask for money.
My parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary this year. My sisters and I are planning a surprise party with approximately 150 people. We are paying for everything ourselves but are hoping my parents will receive enough in gifts to go on a vacation.
We are not familiar with protocol for this type of party and are wondering if we should sell tickets to the event, giving my parents the money, or write "greenback" on the invitation. I personally feel they will end up with more if we put greenback on the invitation but my sister wants to sell tickets. What is proper for this type of party?
Deby from Rumney, NH
I am having a going away gathering and I want to ask for money and not gifts. I am looking for a cute way to do so. Please help!
Ashairah from Kansas City, MO
I have five children, and this year we would like to consolidate all of their birthdays into one big summer celebration. Two of my kiddos are right before and right after Christmas. They never get a birthday party because people are so busy with their hectic holiday schedules.
So this year, we think this will work best, without leaving anyone out. However, I am aware it will cost a ton for people to buy 5 different gifts for 5 different kids. I'd like to make it clear that no one is obligated to buy anything for the kids, however if they choose to that I'd rather they donate money so that we can buy them a nice swingset. How would I word something like this, and is it appropriate?
Thanks in advance :)
We are planning a combined 80th birthday party for my parents. We would like to put on the invitation that instead of a gift, would they like to contribute to a combined expensive gift that we are planning to get them. Any suggestions on how to word this?
By chris from Morganville, NJ