Take Good Care of Your Books!When reading a hard cover book, take the dust jacket off, so that it does not get damaged. To clean the dust jacket, use Pledge or other spray wax. Make sure it is spray wax, as other cleaners can damage the cover. Works on other book covers as well, but test first to make sure it doesn't harm the book.
Is The Coast Clear? - A JokeThe doorbell rings in the middle of the night, and the wife gets up to see who it is. She comes back to bed and the husband says, "Who was that?" The wife says, "Oh, it was some woman."
Listening Suggestions For Online Radio Shows?I like to listen to radio shows that are available online while I clean house. Lately, I've been wanting something new and different to listen to.
All Unescorted Children . . .Cute sign in a store: All unescorted children in this booth will receive a cup of java and a free puppy!
Moe the Monkey Board Game?While cleaning out the attic, I found a board game from the 70's called "Moe the Monkey," produced by Romper Room. Does anyone have the rules for the game or know of a web site that might have directions for nostalgic games?
Taping HDTV Programs?If I hook this HD Ready living room TV up to a converter box and an HD antenna, would VCR tapes recorded from it still play in a regular TV's vcr in the kitchen? Or do I have to convert both TV's to HD?
You Know You Are Living In 2007 When...You know you are living in 2007 when... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
A Better Choice - A JokeMr. John was not happy with his daughter's choice for groom. His wife asks "Why do you keep on rejecting your daughter's choice?"
Every Time I Take a Breath - JokeA man is reading a newspaper. He tells his wife, "Here in the newspaper it says that by the time I take a breath, more than 500 people die."
Save Play Money and Game PiecesWhen throwing out old board games: be sure to keep the money and playing pieces for backups in other games!
Tootie (Unknown Breed)Meet our dog Tootie. He's a stray dog my wife found deep in our back woods recently. She doesn't normally pick up strays, but she said that this dog kept staring at her like he was trying to say something.
Tiger JokeA Tiger was giving a wedding party for his friends. A Cat also came and danced with the others. Tiger asked "Who are you?
Sugar Under Your Pillow - A JokeWhat do you get if you put some sugar under your pillow?
Circus Savings For GroupsMy 5 year old loves the Circus. As you all know, it is insanely expensive to go with the cost of the tickets, drinks, snacks, toys. It really can get out of control. This year, to solve this dilemma, my daughter's class all bought tickets together which allowed us to get the group rate on the tickets (50% off!).
Thrifty Tips For GolfMy husband and I went golfing and it reminded me that he has gotten great deals on golf clubs for the both of us at thrift shops! Then we go to the municipal course, so it's within our means!
Senior Dress Code - A JokeMany of us "Old Folks" (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
Thrifty Night OutJust had another thrifty night out! Went to a local restaurant with a coupon a friend had and then we went off to the university for a free concert. (We did pay for parking.)
Another Year Has Passed (A Poem)How true it is . . . A poem about getting older.
Comet McNaughtToday is the last day Comet McNaught will be visible in the Northern Hemisphere, it will start being visible in the Southern Hemisphere tomorrow. Look for it in the evening twilight.
What Should I Wear to the Ballet?What Should I Wear to the Ballet? I would like to go to a ballet for the first time. What type of clothing should be worn? Casual or dress?
Adding Less Dressing to Your SaladWhile dining, be careful not to slather on too much dressing on top of your salad. We like the taste of the dressing, but not all those calories they pack onto our waistlines. Ask for your dressing on the side.
Boomerang JokeBoomerang Joke. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
Just For Fun - Television TriviaJust For Fun - Television Trivia. Scottish inventor John Logie Baird gave the first public demonstration of television in 1926 in Soho, London. Ten years later there were only 100 TV sets in the world. Today there are almost a billion TV sets in the world.
McDonald's Dollar MenuHere is a cheap lunch tip: McDonald's has a $1 menu. Order a side salad, which is small, and the 4 piece chicken nuggets. Cut the nuggets into small pieces. All for only $2!
Generation Gap JokeGeneration Gap Joke. A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. . .
Theatre Rewards CardsIf you frequent movie theaters regularly, check and see if they have a Movie Rewards program. You get points every time you purchase tickets and when you get enough points, you get something free like popcorn, a drink or a free movie ticket.
Monogrammed Golf Balls - JokeA man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?". . .
A Texan Stopped At A Local Restaurant - JokeA Texan Stopped At A Local Restaurant - Joke. A Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. . .
Drive-In MoviesIf you have a drive-in movie theatre near you it can be a fun and relatively inexpensive way to see a movie as a family.
Fine Jewelry JokeMrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." . . .
Mental Fitness TestMental Fitness Test. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. . .
Listening to Audio Books While Working, Exercising and CleaningListening to Audio Books While Working, Exercising, etc. I have a job that is kind of automatic so they let us use headphones to listen to music but instead I go to the library and get audiobooks. . .
Free Tennis Ball GameGame Site. This will keep you busy and drive you nuts. . .
Tomato JokeTomato Joke. How do you fix a broken tomato. . .
Snowman JokeThere are 2 snowmen standing in a field. . .
Mid Life Crisis? JokeMid Life Crisis? Joke. Well, it's not a mid-life crisis, but here's how things worked out for me. Married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV. .
Talk About Being Frugal... JokeI have cut so many corners...
Joke: The Joys of Having GirlsAhhhhh. The joys of having girls. My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). . .
Breakfast Making JokeA businessman taking a seminar on work efficiency completed a
case study of his wife's routine for fixing breakfast, and presented
the results to the class...
Be Careful What You Wish For... A JokeA man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good each one of them could have one wish...
Insect JokeThe Good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose...
Getting Old JokeI've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees; fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine...
Out of Shape JokeI feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors...
Avoiding Overeating at RestaurantsHere's a tip to keep you from overeating at restaurants or even at home. About 30 minutes before the meal, eat an apple. Apples are very rich in pectin, a soluble fiber that slows digestion so you feel fuller longer. "An apple a day, keeps the pounds away!"
Traveling on a Train JokeI don't know if this one's been posted before but I had another funny joke to share. (It's always funny to hear good ones again...)
Weekly Reader Book About A Ghost?I am looking for a Weekly Reader Book (I believe) about a little ghost who wants to go to school and his adventures. I don't know the name of the book or who wrote it.
Two DishwashersMy husband always says I have 2 dishwashers . . .
Salesman JokeA salesman knocked on the door of a house and a little boy holding a cigar answered. The salesman looked at the boy in surprise and said, "Is your mommy or daddy at home?"
Once a Baptist, Always a BaptistJohn King was a Baptist, he had moved into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.
Hosea Can You See?This is a true story but its so funny it can be considered a joke. My daughter when she was in first grade was so proud of being in school and could not wait to come home and tell me about her day.
Frog JokeWhat happens when you illegally park a frog?
Tough Chicken JokeWhere do tough chickens come from?
Rooster JokeHow do you stop a rooster from crowing on Monday?
Bee JokeWhere did Noah keep his bees?
Girl Test JokeWanda asked the obviously expecting young mother if she knew yet what she was having. The young mother sighed, "I've always wanted a girl but after four boys I finally gave up." ...
An Old Timer Is... JokeAn old timer is a person who remembers when a pie was set on the windowsill to cool - not to THAW!
Grandma Thinking Ahead JokeGrandma was walking her grandchildren down the street, when a lady said to her,"My, what charming children. How old are they?"...
Having Mom Over for Dinner? JokeBrian had invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mom couldn't help noticing how beautiful brian's roommate, Stephanie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between them and this had only made her
more curious...
Asking Parents for Money JokeA young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, "I need to borrow two hundred dollars."
Book About Kids Taking Over The World?I can't find title of children's book. I am looking for a 6th grade book about all adults over 12 dying and children having to take over the world and fend for themselves. It was based on a girls view.
Another Deathbed Joke A man was on his deathbed and the most wonderful smell of his favorite kind of cookie came wafting up the stairs. Ever so weakly, he crawled off the bed and somehow made it downstairs...
Prayer JokeA neighbor asked a small boy if his family said prayers before meals...
Pride JokeSwallow your pride occasionally...
Snowflake JokeWhat is white and goes up?...
Death Bed JokeWhile lying on her death bed, a woman told her husband of 60 years that he could open the chest at the foot of the bed, which had been off limits to him all the years of their marriage. The old man looked inside and found 3 ears of corn...
Peanut JokeDid you hear about the peanut that was walking down the street?
Keeping from Eating Too MuchWhenever you go out to eat, box up half of your meal. That way, you don't eat as much, and you have another meal for the next day!
What's Lost JokeThe best way to find something you have lost is...
Marriage Counseling Joke"My husband won a trip for two to Hawaii,"
Bumper Sticker Joke"Don't honk....
Frog JokeWhat is green and goes 100 mph?...
Dentist Bill JokeA woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."
Wife's Birthday JokeThe most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Dear Tech Support JokeLast year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.
Paying Young Musicians JokeUncle Rusty is a wise man. A while back he retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and quiet, puttering around his work shop.
Seattle Rain JokeA man talks to a kid on the street in Seattle, "Hey kid, I'm here visiting from California for a week and it's been raining every single day...
Spontaneous Date Night JokeA married couple, Dave and Mary, had not been out on a date in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mary was finishing the dinner dishes, Dave stepped up behind her.
Bomb Squad JokeWhat do you do when you see the bomb squad running?...
DMV JokeAfter spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son...
Louvre JokeDid you hear about the guy in Paris who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre? After planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas...
Streaking JokeYou know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked...
Shopoholic Joke"My wife is a shopaholic. The other day she tried to buy the escalator at Sears because it was marked down."...
Jack Frost Frosty the Snowman JokeWhat did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?...
Spaceman JokeQ. What do you do if you see a spaceman?..
Do Slingo Accounts Transfer When Changing ISPs?Does anyone know if when you play Slingo while having AOL as your internet server, can you also play Slingo using another internet server? Also, can you use your existing Slingo account when you change?
Free Meals for Children at Restaurants?I am looking for names of restaurants that have free (or discounted) children's meals. We love to go out to eat, but I get so upset when we have to pay for children's meals, and thay do not eat all of it. Any idea's for free meals or discounts would be great.
Shoelace Vendor JokeA man had posted himself in front of an office building with a tray of shoelaces. One executive made it a daily habit to give the unfortunate a dime, but he never took the laces...
7th Grade Magazine Sale JokeThe seventh grade class which my brother teaches was holding a magazine-subscription sale...
Training JokeIt had been stressed to the instruction of airborne troops that the psychological approach was of utmost importance. "Above all," his superiors cautioned, "don't do or say anything that might cause sudden fright to trainees." ...
Shopping for a Pet JokeA man browsing in a pet shop was approached by an attractive young clerk who asked if she could assist him. "Well," the customer replied, "I'm thinking of getting a pet for a client of mine. He is a semi-invalid; can't get out of the house...
Busybody JokeA local busybody, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, asked an expectant mother point-blank whether she was going to have a baby. "Oh, goodness, no," ...
Housekeeper JokeIt was a blow to my heart when the young girl helping me with the children gave notice, but I was fond of her so...
Sugar in Tea JokeThe hostess poured a cup of tea for a middle-aged man at her party and asked him if he took sugar. "No," he said. "Yes," said his wife brightly at the same moment. Then she turned accusingly to him. "But I always put sugar in your tea!"
Lost Dog JokeWhen an American visiting a small English town lost a valuable dog, he asked to have a notice printed in the local evening paper offering $1000 for its return. Evening came, but no paper appeared. The American waited for some time.
Quiz TV Show JokeA host has a gimmick on his tv show in which he phones people at home and gives them a contest quiz...
Panhandler JokeDuring a recent hot spell in New York, a panhandler collapsed on the street...
