Cheating Husband

RE: Cheating Husband Post By hurt wife (Guest Post) (08/18/2008) I just found out that my husband is cheating on me. I still cant get the picture of him and her out of my head. I cry a lot. I gave him back my ring, but the other night he gave it back to me saying he wants to try to save our marriage. It's hard going to bed with him and look at him. He is the same, and feels like scum. How long does it take for the hurt to go away? This whole thing has opened my eyes and saw how I was not letting him be himself. and I was trying to change someone into something I wanted. not excepting him for him. We are trying I hope we can get past what is happened. Thanks. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By mnl (Guest Post) (08/16/2008) Well I have been married for three and half year with 3 kids, one from a prior relationship. I found out about 2 years in the marriage my husband cheated. it totally crushed me and everything around me. To make a long story short I forgave him only to find out 6 months later he was cheating again with the same woman online this time. Not to mention she knew he was married and is the one who told me that she was sleeping with him. Again we tried to move on with his sorry excuses. I know I'm never going to be able to trust him no matter what. We have the perfect life on the outside big beautiful home, 2 luxary cars and the wonderful kids. But in my heart i'm filled with insecurities,and I have gained a lot of weight, and I feel like i'm falling into slight depression. I try to not blame me for what happened but it's hard, all I know is that I have to start working on a plan to find happiness within me. I know God has a plan for me and the many women on this blog, Just remember God never said it would be easy but he said that you would never be alone. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Angela B, Ga (Guest Post) (08/06/2008) I have been married approximately 6 months and l feel like my husband is cheating on me. Six months ago I packed up my children and our belonging and moved half way around the world to marry the man of my dreams. I moved to his home town where I know no one and for the last two weeks he has been acting and doing things that are not in his character. At least the character I know. He stays out all times of the night and when I ask where he's been his response to me is simply just kickin' it. Of course I asked where and with whom with no response. I sometimes feel like I have no one to turn to, being that our marriage is still new I would like to keep our families out of things if I can. My main concern is I have two children that have been uprooted from an environment that was comfortable to them with the best intentions to give them a loving two parent home. I'm so hurt, all I do is cry. My nights are spent waking up in tears. I'm not ready to give up so soon, but I don't know what other alternates I have. I always imagined what I thought marriage was supposed to be like and infidelity never crossed my mine. I cry when I look at him because I don't know what to say. Can someone please offer me some advice. Does it get better or is this something every married couple goes through at some point in there relationship? Alone in Ga Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By erica (Guest Post) (05/22/2008) Hi, I have a cheating husband. initially I found out through some of credit card bills he was cheating on the net. He was really sorry when I confronted him. We have a 14 year old and 10 year old. 9 months later he again started seeing a employee working under him 20 years younger to him. He also took her to lot of places pretending he was out on office work. We found out and since then I am in a dilemma whether to stay with him or divorce him. The second time he blamed it all on me. I don't want to ruin my kids lives, my daughter as it is, is very disturbed, she does not want us divorce. His attitude has also changed a lot since his going out with a much younger woman. Please help Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By (Guest Post) (05/18/2008) My suggestion to you is to see a lawyer if you don't think you can ever trust him and you want out of the relationship. You must ask for temporary spousal support and child support, he leaves the home, you and children stay in home. He can pay all bills and keep you living the same standard of life style your accustom to. Then you work on finding a job. You will need one. Ask to either him give you the house and he pay for the mortage as settlement and dont forget the spousal support and child support in your divorce decree. If this is what you really want. If not I advise you both to seek counseling. Good Luck Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Joanna (Guest Post) (04/17/2008) I feel for everyone who has posted a comment and shared their experiences. My husband is my high school sweetheart. We have been together for 14 years and married 3 of those 14. Within the last two years I have come to know that my husband is a continual cheater, he's very good at hiding his affairs and short term girl friends. Because it's only in these last two years that I have come to realize this about him, I tried very hard to forgive him and work on our marriage. He begged me not to leave him at the time and eventually agreed to stay with him. However, he's been cheating on me and is currently lining up the next woman (girl friend). I am planning on confronting him about this and discussing the outcome of this relationship. I am unable to trust or respect him any longer. It's not just the cheating on me that causes me to not see him as a respectable person but also the lies he tells the other women. I feel sorry for them in some way because not all of them know he's married, they think they've caught the eye of a single, good, honest, hard working, masculine man ... however, in the end when he's tired of them he breaks things off and moves on to the next womam. It's absolutely terrible what he does. I have made my plans and am able to support myself on my own. I have learned there are things we as women need to do in order to survive and move on from these situations. Please do not blame yourself for anything, often the cheater makes excuses in their heads about things they don't like about you or the things you do in order to justify their cheating in their minds. If you suspect anything, try to confirm it before confronting him about it. In all cases men will deny they are cheating on you but if you have some kind of objective evidence even a small amount, use it to get to the bottom of why the cheating is going on. If you're going to try and work on the relationship you have to know the real root cause. Never cheat on your cheater as a method to get back at him. You're a strong person inside and should always take the high road. Having your own affairs to spite the cheater only creates a vicious cycle and causes more damage to you and your self esteem. We all get comfortable in our relationships or feel trapped so much so we say we can't leave them because we can't survive on our own. The first step is not be afraid of change, once you start to not be afraid of change you'll be able to plan your survival better and more clearly. Finally find some kind of a support system for yourself. You don't need to find someone to pour your heart out to but try to find level headed support for yourself, especially if you intend to create a plan to exit the relationship. Our emotions can get in the way and we need an outside party who is level headed to be our sounding board and provide feedback on our plans and thoughts. Good luck to everyone ... Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By The Girl (Guest Post) (03/19/2008) Dear all the ladies who have unfaithful spouses out there, I find that infidelity is a serious problem in most households. Either the adulterer is the man or the woman, it is just wrong and immoral period because not only they hurt their spouses they also hurt their children for their deviant act has destroyed a warm and happy home for their children. At the same time, it's not just the men we should blame, it's also the women who are the co-conspirators. It does take two to make the mess and all the ladies out there, please think about another woman you would hurt when you commit adultery with a married man. Bad "karma" will follow your subsequent relationships. To all the ladies who got cheated on, I deeply feel for you as I have been in your shoes a few times before. And I learn quick. First of all, I believe people could make the mistake once and then realize it's not worth it to jeapadize their marriage and stop for good. But habitual cheaters, people who commit adultery more than once, it would be hard-pressed to hope the cheater will change for the better. This is the time where you need to re-evaluate the relationship and decide whether or not you're willing to put yourself and/or your children through the pain any more. If you decide not to put up with it any more, you need to have a concrete plan of action. Just like preparing to leave a dosmestic violence situation, I always advise the ladies to have a plan to ensure you can sustain financially and your children are taken care of. And that might entail you eventually have to go back to work again. First of all, despite the hurt, anger, frustration you feel, you need to sit down by yourself and draw down what you have to do step by step. Even though you might not be able to stand even looking at the "dog...bastard...jerk" whatever you want to call your spouse, you need to stay composed and appeared loving to him. Talk to him about how him cheating hurts you deeply and how it ruined the best thing for both of you and the children. However, you say you will try to forgive him and he would have to prove that he can loving and trustworthy again. After that, you try to secure your own financial situation. Don't think about building your family as a unit any more, think about you and the children first. Maybe start with getting more involved with the family's finances and gradually set money aside and discreetly put it in a separate account that you have the bank sent the statement to your parents' house or a trusted person. A lot of banks now offer paperless statement so you can just review the account online and no statement get sent to you. Start building your credit because without a good credit it would be hard for you to start on your own, and do things like renting an apartment to put a roof over you and your children's heads, making a car purchase to have a reliable transportation... Getting financially ready for your departure is important in term of making it feasible to leave the cheater, but don't forget that you also have to prepare for the next worthy man. I understand sometimes we get too comfortable in a relationship and start to let ourselves go. Unfortunately, men are a visual creature. I would love to say that true love is not about your physical appearance, but that would not be frank. A man will first look at you and find you attractive before he is willing to invest time and resources into getting to know you better. Be positive to yourself and start eating healthy, exercise and keep a polished look because not all men are jerks and you will find the right man when the right time comes, but you need to give yourself a lot of exposure first. That doesn't mean being easy and sleeping around with just anyone. Building your own career and start hanging out with other professionals. When you are ready to leave the cheater, again don't be harsh, just tell him that you have tried to forgive him multiple times and even though you still love him you his cheating just totally change the fabric of the relationship and you just can't seem to build that trust in him any more and you decide to do what is best for him which is giving him the freedom to find himself and be with other women and see what he really wants. You also tell him you wish him all the best and want together take care of the kids so the kids know it's not their fault that their parents are not together and he can show them that he can be a loving dad. Believe me, these are not easy things to do. There were times I hugged my ex and softly whispered into his ears how much I love him, but inside my heart aces and I just wanted to hurt him real bad physically. I can tell you though all most all men like sweet talking women, you'll get whatever you want if you act sweet, but if you can't control yourself and act anger, it just makes him wants to fight you back and hurt you even more and since they know where your weaknesses lay, whether it is fiancial independence or lack of a stable job. Please be wise and remember don't get mad, get even!!! I love you all and I wish I could heal your pain, but it is not easy and the healing starts with you putting together an action plan and follow through with it. I wish you all the best and let me know if you have any questions. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By (Guest Post) (03/03/2008) Caught my husband on the phone telling another woman he loves and misses her. Do you think he's having affair, I also heard him telling her he was going to stick to his story. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By coral (Guest Post) (02/24/2008) I am in a similar situation. I have been married for 2 years but have been with him for 4 years. We have a one year old and a two year old. He is very controlling and mentally abusive and has been physically abusive in the past. I have found out about him cheating twice before and he did it in a very disrespectful way; such as bringing the woman to my house when I was at work, taking down all our family pictures and still denying it. Just two days ago I found out that he has been cheating on me again. I always know when he is cheating on me. He acts very distant, hardly wants to have sex, and he yells a lot at me. Anyways to make a long story short. I kept seeing this one girls number in his phone for a whole week, and I kept asking him "who is she and why is she calling you so much?" he said that she is his chemistry friend who lets him copy her homework. I knew that was bull! So one day my husband is putting our kids in the car while I was grabbing my things for work, and his cell phone rings and it's that girl so i pick it up. She asks for Mengistu, and I tell her to call back. He comes upstairs and I tell him that his friend called for him and I leave for work. Anyways that's what he thinks. I stay at the other end of the door knowing that he is going to call her. He calls her and I hear him ask her when she is going to come over. I was infuriated! I banged on the door several of times to confront him. He was shocked that I caught him. I told him to pack his things. I knew he was cheating already because a couple of weeks before that I came home from work and I had seen my family pictures down. I asked him why, he told me that they just fell down off the fridge so he put them in the drawer! I ended up calling the girl "nicely" and she told me everything. I am in a dilemma because I want him to pack his stuff and leave. My problem is that he has been mentally abusing me for so long ,that i don't know how to survive without him. I feel so alone and I know that I am not the only one going through this. I wish I could give you some advice, but we are stuck in the same situation as far as trying to decide what to do. I have no family or friends in this state. He has isolated me and I've become a slave(that's what it feels like). I get really depressed and then I get really happy. I need some mental help because I know that physically I am beautiful, because everyone tells me so, but I feel disgusting because of his abuse. You are not the only one lost, confused and hurt and I pray for you and I hope you can pray for me. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by nlove (1) | (11/18/2007) Contact I feel we are in the same boat. My husband pays for everything. I know he is cheating but what do I do? My job does not pay a lot. he makes five time more than me. Every time I bring up cheating, he starts talking about all the stuff he is doing for me and all the bills he's paying. I'm feeling trapped! Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by imaqt1962 (839) | (11/08/2007) Profile | Blog! | Contact thrifty fun did post this note ; Editor's Note: This is outside our normal scope of requests but some of you might have some good advice Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by theseamstress (345) | (11/08/2007) Contact i'm surprized this subject is allowed on this site at all. one would think the title "thriftyfun" should mean just that for topics discused or ideas submitted on here. I would think that anyone with this topic or needing answers should go to other sites that are more geared for that type discussion.Espeacially if your own child is being molested by someone (father). You should seek professional help for that child & yourself as well and turn that person or any person committing such a crime into the proper authorities. I have to say I'm new to this site and have enjoyed it thus far very much and found helpful for reason I think it was created in the first place which I believe is to focus on thrifty ideas, crafts, and discussions. Every one to there own but I feel this topic should not have been posted to continue conversation. They do have web sites available just for such topics. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By (Guest Post) (11/07/2007) Leave him. He will not change and there are many more fish in the sea. There is always someone for everyone! It's not worth staying for he'll only hurt you again. Men never learn until it's too late! Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By mica (Guest Post) (09/22/2007) I was 1 month pregnant when I found out that my husband is cheating on me 7 months after we got married. Now we being married 14 months it's so hard for me to love again but I do not know what to do now. But I know I wanna leave him after I have my baby. Should I tell him my plan? please help Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By guest (Guest Post) (08/31/2007) I have been married for almost 17 years. My husband has cheated on me numerous times. We have 3 children and just purchased a home in 2005. I have very high self esteem. I recently found out that a female in Louisiana recently gave birth to a child she claims is my husband. Oh! by the way he cheated on me and fathered 2 kids to another female. Why we are still married, I can't explain it. I don't love him, I am numb. I do not respect him. I definitely do not trust him. Why in the world am I still married? Am I just use to our life style and don't want a change? I am so confused. He is military and will be retiring soon. We live in another state. He says he doesn't care about the women or the kids and only cares about me and our kids together. He pays all our bills. He begs me not to divorce him. But he has cheated on me every single year of our marriage. Someone on the outside looking in, please tell me what you see. I make my own money. Our son is a senior in High school. I am very independent. I want a man to desire and truly love me. I get hit on all the time, but I have never cheated on him, NEVER! Why am I not divorced? He says he wants to make the marriage work. He said it can be better. Am I setting myself up? Why would he now stop. I have sought an divorce attorney, but I can't seem to get past that. I want a divorce, but I don't want to go through the divorce. Does that make sense to anyone? There is too much betrayal, lies, to try to overcome. If he wants the marriage, do I give it a try and risk getting hurt or do I find the courage to go through with a divorce? He's a very good father to our 3 kids, but a horrible husband to me. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Praif (Guest Post) (07/16/2007) I've been married for 10 years. I caught my husband cheating on the internet 6 years ago. He had left his email open and it was filled with soft-porn stories that he exchanged with young women. It also had requests to setup meetings for sex with young women. When I confronted him with it and told him that I would be walking out, he promised that he wouldn't repeat it, that he loved me, etc... Now, 6 years later, the story repeats itself. We were planning a vacation with his friends when he told me to research a site and offered me his laptop to do it. I tried to access my email to look at the quotes the travel agent had sent and his account came up. It was created using a name that I knew only too well. On going through the emails, I was shocked to find out that over the last few years (since 2002), not only had he been exchanging emails with young women but had slept with a few of them. The emails described their beautiful experiences together, how he appreciated their beautiful bodies and how much he loved them, and how he would love getting together with them. It was my worst nightmare come true. A sickening dizzyness overcame me as I read through the emails. He was clearly leading a double life. Showering me with expensive gifts, making me feel like he was the most devoted husband when he hadn't meant it. Now I know that he wanted to keep our relationship even though he continued having the HOTS for far younger women. I don't think he'll ever change, I don't trust him to do that. I just don't know what to do because before this, I never imagined life without him, now I am faced with the reality of having to walk out on him. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By barbara (Guest Post) (06/25/2007) I TOO HAD A CHEATING HUSBAND .HE HAD A CHILD WITH ONE OF HIS KIDS MOTHER THE BABY IS 6 WEEKS YOUNGER THAN MY SON . I FINALLY GOT FED UP AND I DIVORCE HIM AND HAVE BEEN HAPPY SINCE TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I HAVE SOME GOOD DAYS AND SOME BAD BUT THE GOOD OUT WEIGH THE BAD Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by gurth (134) | (06/11/2007) Profile | Contact Could the ladies who asked for help please let us know what they decided, how they came to those decisions and whether they are satisfied with the outcome? Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by gurth (134) | (06/04/2007) Profile | Contact To R: First of all: you are in my prayers. You do not say whether your husband's 2 children who are living with you were also born out of wedlock. Does he have parental rights/guardianship and are the mother/s taking any responsibility and if yes, how much? The woman he is involved with right now, may well decide to keep the baby, but you will have to establish whether that will automatically give your husband rights - he will have responsibilities, such as maintenance. You must realise that, should he pay maintenance for this child, it will also affect the quality of life of your own family. As you are not a parent to this baby, you will have no rights and responsibilities. You need to establish these legal issues with either a lawyer or the court dealing with maintenance closest to where you live. You say your husband is doing what he can to right his wrong. I want to ask: And how would he be doing that? And is he repeatedly getting himself into the same situation without learning from experience? Does he have any insight into the effect his actions have on his family, his individual children and their mothers? These are tough questions, but you HAVE to ask tough questions and insist on DEFINITE answers in order to sort out this problem. Take courage, do not be afraid to ask and insist!! * I suppose you can gather that I am a social worker (in the RSA):) Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husbands Post By R (Guest Post) (06/02/2007) I have been married for 3 yrs. as of Feb. 14. My husband and I have a 2yr. old and he has 2 kids prior that I have accepted. We currently have the oldest child living in our new home with us. I just found out that as of Sept. 2004 my husband has been cheating on me. We only have had about 7 months of a true marriage, I guess you can say. The other woman also is 15 wks pregnant and wants to have the baby. I am unsure if it is intentional or what. He admitted to everything and is working really hard to try to right his wrong...but I refuse to accept another child. I am so confused right now. In two days, we will have our first counseling session. I am not sure if they will change my mind, but one thing I do know is I AM NOT ACCEPTING ANOTHER CHILD Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Alva (Guest Post) (04/27/2007) I found out a week ago my husband was flirting and having his groove on with a coworker. Iwas thinking about divorcing him since I will not live with a dishonest man. Friends have helped me to believe I should stay but set up conditions. He has set conditions for himself and swears he will not again. I do not trust him and I do not want to be hurt again. At this point I will give it a try but nothing is the same anymore. I know for a fact if he does this again two things will happen. He has to go or if he doesn't he'll get a dose of his own medicine. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By cheryl (Guest Post) (03/23/2007) I am in the process of catching my husband cheating. I haven't been able to completely catch him but I'm sure I will soon. The thing is... it's so hard to put him out without hard evidence! After reading everyone's postings, I realize that this is an epidemic in relationships, and I'm so tired of this. Marriage is like a battle field. I'm starting to realize that no matter what someone's going to get hurt at some point and however it turns out you will feel much better if feel like you've won! So with that in mind, to all the ladies in the house, SET A GOAL! and stomp right at it with no fear, whether that is to keep your man or to toss the sorry guy away! Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By PLANNING (Guest Post) (03/19/2007) My husband and I have been married for 18 1/2 years. He has cheated 4 times that I am aware of 2 times my 17 year old daughter said he molested her. a week ago I followed him to a ladies house. and another time. A woman sued him in court when I was having our 4th child. We have our own business and he is a big man in the community. He says he is very sorry and I still love him. But I dislike his dishonesty. Should I give our marriage another chance? Also I put him out of the house. Editor's Note: The cheating is one thing and is bad but molesting your daughter has done untold damage to her. If you have any other daughters, they may have had the same experience. Please for the sake of yourself and your children, don't let him come back. If he has been cheating for that long, he will never change. Once your children are grown, if you want to continue with the marriage, that is up to you. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Sweets (Guest Post) (03/12/2007) I am currently seven weeks pregnant right now, and I have a 4 year old daughter. Oddly, I am due right around her fifth birthday. I am about to get married to the love of my life...we've been together for two years. I know that he's never cheated, but after someone gets married, men sometimes have a tendency to lose interest in their wives and seek "friends" elsewhere. I don't mess around and he knew that from jump street. I told him when he met me that I was NOT one to play games with and if he intended to do so, to politely move on forward. My daughter's father, cheated on me the whole time I was pregnant and I didn't find out until she was a week old, from MY FATHER. HOW EMBARRASSING! And I knew it was true, because too many people who didn't know each other kept telling me the same old stuff. So to make a long story short, my daughter's father called me from jail, talking about how he missed me, (he had been arrested in the hospital room when she was two days old) and i told him not to call my house anymore and to save his "miss you" stuff for someone who cared. And since then, my daughter has only seen him a grand total of maybe 10 times...what a loser! And my current fiance' is going to adopt her after we get married this week. But I DO NOT encourage ANYONE to stay with a cheater...they're not worth your time. Plus, no matter how many children you have, there's still too many people out there that will treat you with RESPECT. And people who cheat don't have any SELF-RESPECT. Because they wouldn't want someone to do the same thing to them in turn. But after I get married, my husband has ONE time to let me catch him in a lie or cheating, and I'm packing the kids up and I'm GONE. I don't have time for that and I don't tolerate it. People will only treat you how you allow them to, and if you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas. *Be Safe and Be Smart* And Hiv and Aids, Herpes and Warts do not have a face on them, you can't identify them by facial features, and they don't have any specific intended victims...they live wherever they can...*PLEASE BE SMART* Report Spam or Abuse To Evelyne Post By Karen (Guest Post) (11/05/2006) I cannot believe you wrote what you wrote. I've been through the same thing. He cheated on me and continued to cheat on me regardless of what I did. To stay with such a man, is demeaning to oneself. How can you live with a man, and sleep in the same bed with a man, knowing he just had sex with another woman hours before. That's the utimate form self hatred and self loathing. I am better off now without my ex husband. I can't even tell you ladies how much happier I am now. This doesn't mean that men can't change, but unless he does an absolute 360 and proves to you he undying love, I cannot tell enough women to get as much from his as possible and leave. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Anonymous (Guest Post) (09/22/2006) I wonder about this "staying together for the sake of the children". After my divorce, I realised that the marriage had hurt my children so much more than the divorce did. They will have to live for the rest of their lives with the negative consequences of the marriage. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By MOEY (Guest Post) (09/18/2006) JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN CHEATING ON ME FOR 2 YEARS. i WANT HIM TO LEAVE BUT HE WILL NOT. WE HAVE 4 KIDS AND THAT'S THE ONLY REASON i WOULD THINK ABOUT STAYIN. i CAN NOT EVEN TELL YOU HOW HURT I AM. HE SAID IT ALL ABOUT THE SEX WITH HER. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Evelyne(Guest) (Guest Post) (06/13/2006) Hurt wife. Its so unfortunate that you have to go thru this. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and trying to get pregnant again for my second. I am in a similar relationship. I have a cheating husband and i have learned how to deal with him. Much as men are dogs you can't run for the rest of your life. You should learn how to fight for what is yours. I'll tell you this. Trust me that relationship he has won't last. Always try to be the sane woman. He comes home to your bed every night doesn't he? Much as he is sleeping with them, he is yours. So if you leave now, you are giving those empty gals chance to take him for good. My husband was cheating terribly (By the way he still does). I later realised that i was part of the problem. You know we take things for granted once they are ours. I had stopped cooking for my husband, stopped doing the laundry, ironing his shirts, put on loads of weight and all the funny things you can think of. I nagged, complained, attacked those cheap gals and did all sorts of things you can imagine an angry wife can do.Then it hit me. I WAS THE PROBLEM. First i put a stop to the nagging almost suddenly. Got myself a job, started eating healthy, spending quality time with my daughter, visited the salon more frequently for a nice hair style, a manicure and all that, shed a few pounds and now that i was working, i was able to change my wardrobe, replaced some furniture in the house, changed the rags and just gave my house a very recognisable change. Changed my bedroom completely and after I was thru with the makeovers, I started to save my money. All this while, the women were still there and i just turned my back,(painfully) but i was working at winning my husband back. All of a sudden he started spending more time in the house with me and his daughter. We went out more often (guess coz he was proud of the way i looked). Slowly, the numbers started reducing and even though he will cheat on me once is a while now (i always find out) he is more respectful and wouldn't want me finding out unlike in the past when he did it openly. It's now a year since i decided to be different and honestly he is more reasonable now and i am still working at it. I mentioned ealier that i am trying to get pregnant again. Hurt wife, i know exactly what you are going thru and i know it hurts. I told my story thinking that maybe if you still love your husband then fight for him. NOT PHYSICALLY BUT BEAT HIM AT HIS OWN GAME. IT WORKED FOR ME. I dont know if i could advise you to get a divorce unless of course if you don't love him anymore plus besides i feel one should get a divorce once they feel there is no chance to rekindle the flame. But i would love to think that if there was love at one time, there can be love again. Wish you all the best in whatever decision you want to take. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Latoye (Guest Post) (05/27/2006) I am so sorry that you had to go through that. But I know how you feel. My boyfriend cheated on me and now everytime he leaves the house I cry because I don't know whats going on. Things changed and I am not the happy person I used to be with him. just leave and move on with your life. He doesn't love you because if he did it never would have happend it took me a suicide attempt to learn that lesson. I shoulda just left instead of holding on. hes not worth it. you are a woman and you deserve to be happy not just pretend in front of others like everything is ok. I mean happy enough to wake everyday and not ask yourself what's wrong with me, what did I do? Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By alex (Guest Post) (05/16/2006) I am not responsible that my father cheated on you. I did not mean to cause so much pain in your life by mearly being conceived. My father and mother did you harm not I. I deserve to know and be loved by all my family. I am not a mistake. I am a gift from God. I am not the one to be abused or spat upon. My parents did wrong not me. Report Spam or Abuse FROM A: Cheating Husband Post By Cheating Husband (Guest Post) (11/02/2005) I cheated on my wife and childhood sweetheart several times (no relationship but sexual- all one time incidents and told her about 3. I deeply repent my behavior and am seeking counseling. We have 2 wonderful tiny kids. She detests me now and wants(wanted) me to leave. She let me stay because of the kids. I even have a health scare currently and am so scared. I have repented deeply this time and know in my soul i will not cheat again. IT'S NOT WORTH the few minutes of pleasure. I want to have a fruitful relationship with her. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By (Guest Post) (10/22/2005) Hurt..guest..if this happened BEFORE you were married, I'd say let it go. His yelling at you would anger me more at this point. If he cheats again, well then, see a lawyer. Janie Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By HURT (Guest Post) (10/22/2005) Hello, I have been married for 3 years and my husbands mother told me that my husband had women at his bacholors party. I always suspected it because my brother was invited to the party but when he arrived he said my fiancee at the time just cracked the door and told him nothing was going on and they were about to lay down and go to sleep soon, my brother said he could see people in there but could not see everything, my sisters boyfriend and my cousins fiancee at the time were also invited but he would not answer the phone to give them directions to his house. The way I found out was his Mom told me that there were women at the party, as I suspected but she was kicked out the house I did not here from my husband until the next morning. I believe he cheated but when I ask him about it he gets mad and starts yelling. Even though it was years ago I am still very upset about this especially since he refuses to talk about it. Any advice? Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Tracey (Guest Post) (10/18/2005) I'm with Annette!! Iron his underwear with some hot pepper!!!! Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Annie (Guest Post) (09/16/2005) Dump him before 10 1/2 becomes 20 1/2. Don't waste another minute on him, more /better men out there that will appreciate you. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by ThriftyFun (3749) | (08/04/2005) Profile | Blog! | Contact Hi A, You don't say whether or not the divorce has been finalized. In any case, I think you really need to decide what you want. No matter how many years you put into a relationship, if he can't communicate with you, this type of thing will come up again. If you feel like it's worth it to continue with him, I'd ask him if he's willing to go into counseling with you so you two can figure out why this happened. Look for a good marriage counselor and if you both are willing to work at it, you may be able to salvage your relationship. Otherwise, it may be very hard to reestablish trust and that's what makes all good relationships work. What worries me is the fact that he was only willing to talk with you after the woman he was seeing decided she no longer wanted him. I wish you the best with this and please take good care of yourself. Susan from ThriftyFun Report Spam or Abuse Cheating. Post By A (Guest Post) (08/04/2005) I am sorry... I have a situation... My husband of 1 1/2 years but we have been together 10 1/2 years told me that he was seeing another women.. He basically stopped talking to me in March and when I asked him what was wrong he just said he needed some time to think and he wanted to be alone. Well Emotionally I couldn't take it anymore so I went to my parents house. Well it's been 4 months... he was being mean to me, he was telling me that he wants to be alone and I couldn't understand why? See the weird thing is, is that we were trying to have kids in Jan and Feb and March this happens.?? Weird... well this past week, I made him talk to me and he told me that he started seeing another women. He also filed for a divorce right away without even talking to me about anything... He said he didn't start seeing her until right after I moved out. well she broke it off with him b/c she "WANTED MORE" and he wants to work things out with me b/c he said he was real sorry for what he did. I can't help but feel horrible and I just don't know what to do. I feel saving 10 1/2 years is worth it but now I don't know if I can handle this and trust him anymore. He swears it will never happen again and he said he was sorry. What kind of advise can you offer??? I need help quickly. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Peach (Guest Post) (06/30/2005) You need a lawyer!!!! You can get a free or low cost ($25-50) referral from your county's Bar Association. You can also call your county's Domestic Relations. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Annette K (Guest Post) (06/19/2005) I just found out recently that my husband cheated on me for nearly a year and it was very painful hearing that from him. I always knew my husband was not a faithful person when I first met him but never expected him to cheat while we were married. So I took it very hard when he decided to come clean but even now its still in the back of my mind. He said that he was stupid and it was for fun, just for the money and the sex but even though Im still with him there are times when i look at him and Im totally disgusted that he could have cheated on me. We had major problems but this was just another big problem added to the many on the list. The only way that I have been able to cope with what happened was to accept that it did happen and be happy with the person he is now and that we both love each other. I dont know if that helps but I guess there is always hope and love has be from both sides for it to work. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Louisa (Guest Post) (05/19/2005) I just found out two weeks ago my husband has been seeing women he found on an adult-friend web-site. He said he wasn't going to tell me, but I found out when the husband of one of his real-life affairs called and told me. We have two children, 6 and 9 and don't want to break up our family, but, ya know, I just don't know if I can deal with this. He says, after a 20 year marriage, that this just started five months ago. (we are older parents). I want my life back, but I don't know if I can.......... Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Been there (Guest Post) (05/17/2005) I know you are hurt but when you work thru the first and then are faced with the second one that is just quite a bit. If she is pregnant that would mean that the affair has been going on for awhile. Try counseling but if he doesnt want to do that, kick him out, he doesn't want to stop. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Nativegirl (Guest Post) (04/30/2005) I, too, have been there, and it is true, once a cheater, always a cheater. I loved my husband so much, but I couldn't take the second time cheating, and after counseling for the first time, I told the counselor and my husband that I couldn't take it another time. So after two years of school, it happened again. It is a rough time--very rough--but you deserve BETTER, much better, and a husband you can trust. You will be sad, mad, any number of emotions, but you won't have the psychic energy of wondering where he is and what he is doing. And that is a load off your mind. Don't waste more time on someone who doesn't care about you as much as you care about him. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Genesa (Guest Post) (04/13/2005) Maybe this aknowledgment of a long term situation is a wake up call for you to get your life in a new direction. It might be time for you to think about your own life. Drag yourself out of this misery. Do what is best for you and your children. Let him go . Don't be afraid. You'll be allright. Let him out of your life, at ;east temporarily . When you know what you want out of yourself. Wether its taking courses for a career, or making financial arrangements. Take care of your image, your spirit and your personnal dreams. Go seek advice from professionnals if you are lost inside. You'll see the healing process taking place. Let your husband deal with his own mess. You'll see clearer when you find your own independance. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by badwater (742) | (04/10/2005) Contact Hi, first of all, I want to wish you the best in a bad situation. I feel that if he's cheated once, he'll do it again. Most do. I, personally, don't think he deserves you. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Suzie (Guest Post) (03/29/2005) Read Dr. Phil McGraw's "Relationship Rescue"....it will help you tremendously to figure out if the relationship is worth saving. Or not. Good luck to you. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By DarWeen in Ga, USA (Guest Post) (03/28/2005) My heart goes out to you & your family. Men want a 'Mom' at home taking care of them and the house and a 'girlfriend' out there to play around with free of the daily struggles. If you are willing to play that 'role' with him, so be it, if not then things need to change. >>>Divorce isn't always the tragedy, sometimes the getting married in the first place is.<<< Some people simply shouldn't have gotten married in the first place and sounds like you two may be one of those couples. When you say the other woman doesn't want to keep her baby, that raises alot of questions; is she planning on an abortion? Is she married with children & will be willing to give up Motherhood with this child? Does she plan on giving it up for adoption? Does she plan on your husband raising it? On YOU & husband raising it? How old are your children, how will they feel about losing a half-sibling to abortion/adoption? What if she changes her mind, decides to keep it, then your husband being responsible for child-support for the next 18 years ? Have you ever met this woman? Had a heart-to-heart talk with her? She may be suffering too. Blessings to you & yours. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By (Guest Post) (03/27/2005) Do you have a pastor you can talk to? Marriage is a covenant BUT you are free to leave the marriage and remarry if the other person cheats (Fornication). That said, I am now happily married to a WONDERFUL man. My first husband was also a repeat cheater as was my second husband's first wife. I agree, most of the time, once a cheater always a cheater with that a man that is a daily liar. Cheaters are immature people who think of nothing but having their own egos stroked; even to the detriment to their kids. I would also seek legal cousel just as a matter of foundation. It could help to make your decision whether to stay or go. Just because the house and car is yours means nothing. Depending on the state he can be entitled to half if there was no prenuptial. Perhaps a separation would be enough for him to see what he has to lose. The grass is always greener when all you have is sex without commitment. Once she starts laying come kind of claim to him and become demanding, the bloom will surely fall off the rose!! It's time for you to get a job. To wind up staying in a miserable marriage for financial security will ALWAYS blow up in your face because you're not stying for the right reasons. Once he goes, he MUST pay child support!! (In NY for 3 kids that's 27% of his income.) Seek some kind of couseling for your own peace of mind. This was a TERRIBLE blow to my womanhood and I started to believe false things about myself because my husband was a dog! Now I feel GREAT about myself and only allowed a man who would treat me like the queen that I am into my life. If he's not, LOSE HIM! Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by ThriftyFun (3749) | (03/27/2005) Profile | Blog! | Contact (sent in by email) 3rd time is the charm. Dump him NOW! Laww Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Jeane (Guest Post) (03/27/2005) There are a lot of things to think about in a situation like this. The advice given you on this site has much good information. But let me bring up something different that applies in these type of problems. Get yourself to a doctor to be checked for sexually transmitted diseases right away. There's no other way to know whether or not your health has been imperiled. And there may be more than this one woman involved. With STDs so wide spread through out the country, you need to consider that in making your decision on leaving or staying. If you're not exposed now, you could be in the future because leopards usually don't change their spots. Good luck. Jeane Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Lizzie (Guest Post) (03/27/2005) I have always felt that cheaters should never be forgiven, once a cheater...etc. But I recently found out that my grandfather cheated on my grandmother when she was pregnant with their third child, and got the other woman pregnant aswell. The other woman decided to have her child, as of course did my grandmother. My grandparents stayed together and had a fourth child. The illegitamate child does not know who her real father is. My grandmother made her decision and stuck with it, although she suffered mentally and was admitted to hospital for a while. I am not sure I would have made the same decision at the time, but, last year I was present at their 50th Wedding Anniversary with their four children and spouses (none divorced) and 12 grandchildren. And they are still deeply in love. There might be hope for you. Good luck. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by Jo Bodey (279) | (03/26/2005) Contact There are two inportant things not mentioned here - what do you want to do? Also what is your husband saying he will do - I am assuming you have confronted him and discussed this before you posted your message. If you believe your marriage is worth saving you need counselling - alone so you can come to terms with this repeated betrayal and put it behind you, and with your husband to enable him to sort out his cheating ways and truly commit to your marriage. If you believe you will never be able to/want to forgive him, he denies a problem, or other areas of your marriage are unsatisfactory then the decision becomes reduced to how will you survive without him. You need legal advice re divorce and child support. You need advice on returning to work or what benefits you may be entitled to to support yourself and your children. I would research these options now so you are fully prepared if an attempt to salvage the marriage is unsuccessful. You also need the support of friends and family so you can move on. One caution I want to stress, although I'm sure you know this already - regardless of your husband's behaviour he is still the childrens father and, depending on their ages, there are many ways you can explain the marriage breakup without allotting blame. Setting up conflict within the children by branding the person they love as a cheat and liar is not necessary and will add to their distress at the break up. However hurtful it is inside you should go out of your way to maintain the childrens contact and relationship with their father, for their sake. Regards Jo - who actually quite likes the idea of the hot pepper in the underwear too! Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By rosa (Guest Post) (03/26/2005) Once a cheater, always a cheater, My dad cheated on my mom forever until he was in he 70's - she took it, cause he paid all the bills, but she never slept with him in the same bed ! Myself I would have told him to get out of my life. Only you can decide what you want or should do ! Do you have parents, sister or brother that would help you get started with out him, and since the house and car are yours you have half the battle won ! Men are like this and once they start cheating the will NEVER stop ! Only you can stop him by cheating on you, and that is to do what you have to do ! Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by Anonymous (130) | (03/26/2005) Contact My heart goes out to you and I have been through it as well. The first thing I did was tell God I loved Him and then I asked Him every day to help me. I asked for help to emotionally survive it, financial help and guidance with my child. I had to give up everything to leave - my home, my vehicle, my security and God gave it back 100 times. I own my home, my child lives with me and God gave us peace of mind. Tell God about it. Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Annette (Guest Post) (03/26/2005) I would take some of his underwear and iron some hot pepper in them, and see how he likes that!!! Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post by teen (6) | (03/26/2005) Contact Hurt Wife You have a lot of thinking to do. First you need to sit down and have a very serious talk with him. Do you know why he did this? Could you forgive him and not hold it against him? Could you ever trust him again? If you said no to any of these then I believe your marriage will not work. This is so disrespectful. Have you both thought of a marriage counselor? Women who are mothers work to hard to have to deal with this. How does he feel and act about this situation. The signs will be there and please do not ignore them. Personally I could not deal with this. There is no excuse. How does he feel about the other women getting rid of his child? How do you feel if he wanted to keep the baby? Would you treat the baby differently because of what happened? Just remember its not the babies fault. Financially this is up to you. Do you want to go back to work? Are you able to be independant? Please as a friend do not take disrespect from you spouse, you are a special lady and special ladies needs to be treated with respect. Is he proud of you? Does he do things with you? You see, there is so many questions you both need answered before you can make a decision. I hope and pray you can fix this problem. Good luck and I hope I helped. "Been there". Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By vicky (Guest Post) (03/26/2005) Dear Hurt Wife, I KNOW how you fel.I was in that sort of relationship several years ago.How I trusted him!! When I found out about his cheating,I was crushed.We also had a young son...I had no skills,nowhere to go..No way of supporting my son or myself. We went to a counselor several times.He would cry and say he was sorry and never do it again.He did it over and over.He also got her pregnant.I realized then,if I stayed with him,we would forever be tied to her and the baby.And it would be a constant reminder..He kept telling me he could not help it.It was like an addiction.I realized that the longer I stayed,the more he would realize I was LETTING him get away with this.I left.We divorced.He married the Lady he got pregnant.He has cheated on her over and over.. Why do men cheat?? I do not know..But it hurts like crazy to be scorned and mistreated. have you guys tried counseling? have you asked him WHY he cheats? I by no means am telling you to leave him,only you can make that move,but think about YOU!!! No one deserves to be treated like this..You are going to have to heal yourself,take care of YOU,,If he has cheated 2 times,he is probably going to cheat again. Fool me once,shame on you.Fool me twice,shame on ME!!! hugs Report Spam or Abuse RE: Cheating Husband Post By Judy (Guest Post) (03/26/2005) Ann Landers always says to see if you will be better off without him or with with him. I know this is not much help, but I used this advice about making many decisions. After much though and prayer, it helps. Judy Report Spam or Abuse