4 Year Old That Cries a Lot

RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By heather (Guest Post) (09/13/2008) My son is four and we deal with the crying when he has to say goodbye to a friend he doesn't want to say goodbye to. It's now been going on for a year & a half. At first I thought it was sweet. But now I am thinking this is not normal and it scared one mom and child away from playing. Or, if he wants a neighbor to play and they can't he feels total rejection. He is an only child. We try to explain that he will get to play with them again but only if he can manage not to cry when friends leave or cannot play with him. He also seems to fall apart during soccer practice when he gets knocked down or doesn't get to kick the ball and such. It's like he's imposed perfectionism on himself. He's a boy? Anyone else have a sensitive boy like mine? What do you do? Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By Julie (Guest Post) (09/03/2008) I am a daycare provider and I have a 4 year old boy who just started 3 weeks ago and he does the same thing. I told the mom I am going to do consistent time outs for crying over anything and if it works with a 2 week period then I will continue to watch him. I also told her she needs to do the same at home and guess what?. It's toned down extremely! When ever he's about to start I say "excuse me, do I hear whining or crying?" and when he hears that his mouth shuts so fast, it's funny:) Try it, and good luck! Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By Erin (Guest Post) (07/26/2008) My four year old daughter cries a lot! Over everything! She even started crying after walking into the kitchen when I was cooking because she said it was hot! She has a twin brother, but he doesn't exhibit these traits. I think daycare and school really help with the crying, because the teacher will not permit the behavior. But, I want to teach my daughter myself and we worked something out that may help others. We actually sat down together and read some of these postings. We both decided which kids were more like her, and talked about why she cried. She said it made her feel better a little bit, but made her tired. So, we decided on a plan. She has a calendar in her room and she started drawing emotion faces on it. Smile for happy, frown for sad, etc at the end of the day. When she continues to cry after a hug and reassurance, she puts a sad face on her calendar for that day. If drawing on her calendar still doesn't help, she's agreed with me it may be time for a little nap. After the month is over, she sees what behaviors she showed the most. It took her about two weeks of sad faces to say she wants more smiles and she did it. Good luck! Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By Neighbor (Guest Post) (07/31/2007) I have a 4 year old neighbor who cries when he doesn't get his way. He will wail and will not stop. His mother has decided to just pick him up and leave and put him in time out. I haven't seen a difference yet. However, I have 2 children ages 3 & 5 and when they act up, I mimic them and they stop. I would love to do this to my neighbors child, but...we all know the outcome of things like that. Good luck! Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By ROB (Guest Post) (05/30/2007) This sounds just like my daughter. The only difference is that she does not do it to get things. She will cry if the sun is shining through a window while we are driving. Or if you look at her with some expression on your face that you are completely un-aware of. It is the worst at bed time. I think that I would rather have a cat with mange tied around my neck rather than to have to listen to it. Being the dad I am suppose to fix things but I just don't know where it is coming from. We show her plenty of attention and she gets hugs and kisses galore. Anyone have any ideas as to why she may be doing this? And how do you stop it. Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post by tismom (54) | (05/23/2006) Profile | Contact Next time, join her in her antics. Exaggerate her behavior yourself. She'll probably stop and stare at you in disbelief. Then tell her that's what SHE looks like when she acts that way. She might not stop entirely because she's only four, but it might help a little. Maybe she's just tired, and needs a short nap or rest time earlier in the day, or requires more sleep at night... maybe try an earlier bed time and be persistant even if she cries about it. Or it could be that she has her mom and dad wrapped around her little finger. ;) If so, she could be manipulating them by crying to get her own way. If she does, and it works, why stop? Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By mom of 3 (Guest Post) (05/23/2006) Unfortunately it gpes along with the territory of a 4 year old. Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By (Guest Post) (06/09/2005) My neice seemed to cry at the drop of a hat. Her parents wanted to curb this behavior, so had come up with a solution that allows her to cry whenever she wants. If she feels like crying, she has to go to her room, and close the door. If she is hurt, she needs to tell them why she's crying, and she gets the appropriate attention (reassurance, kisses for "owies", etc.). She doesn't seem to cry as long or as loud in her room by herself, and the episodes are becoming less frequent. Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By anon (Guest Post) (06/07/2005) Your granddaughter does this behaviour because it works for her. If you want to change her behaviour you have to make it NOT work for her i.e. she's not going to get what she wants if she whines or cries. My son knows that if he wants something he has to ask and ask POLITELY. In the beginning he would complain mreo loudly, but I took the time to teach him how to get what he wanted. I didn't simply say no, but I told him how to make me say yes - being polite, being patient, etc. Too many parents say 'no' without giving the child any indication of how they could have done better. After a bit of practise I no longer have to give my son any reminders. If he forgets to say please or starts to complain when he has to wait a minute for something, he gets ignored and quickly remembers what he has to do. It didn't take him long to change his behaviour - it was the only way to get what he wanted! Even if his parents are supporting this annoying behaviour, the child can still learn that grandma has different rules. So long as you are consistent when she's in your company, she'll change her behaviour for you. And a warning about the idea that this is a phase: while it may be true that this is a phase that some kids go through, kids only pass through a phase because they learn the skills necessary to pass through a phase. You can't just sit back and wait for them to change, you have to help them develop the skills they need to pass out of this phase. Your granddaughter isn't just going to grow out of this, she will leave this phase only when it stops working for her and/or she's taught better interpersonal skills. For a lot of kids this won't happen until they're in fulltime school (no teacher will putup with this sort of thing when they have so many other students and therefore the kid will have to outgrow it) or you can teach it to her now. Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By Shirley M (Guest Post) (06/07/2005) When my oldest daughter was 4 I received a newsletter from the University of Iowa that said it was normal for 4 year olds to cry alot, and that they will outgrow it, for the most part. After reading the newsletter I felt better-knowing that she was going through a normal phase of growing out of toddler-hood. It seems to me it has something to do with wanting to be a big girl but not always being able to handle it, and somtimes just still wanting to be Mommy's or Daddy's little girl. I remember telling my husband that there was hope! And things did get better. However, she's still a sulker! I think that also has to do with being the oldest child and getting real used to having all the attention until baby number 2 came along. Hang in there. Hopefully this is a phase for her too. But I like the idea of positive reinforcement for being a Big Girl or Good Helper. And letting her know that Big Girl's don't whine and that you respond to her Big Girl voice and not the crying and whining girl. Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By sandy (Guest Post) (06/07/2005) it sounds like somebody doesnt like getting her own way. she needs to be taught that is not how to get along in this big world. i recommend the book THE STRONG WILLED CHILD by james dobson. maybe the she isnt strong willed per sey but she is certainly learning that her will or no will is what she wants. Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By Joan (Guest Post) (06/06/2005) Have you ever watched "Super Nanny" on TV. One method used to behavior modificate children is to put them in the naughty chair/corner/place each time they misbehave. They are old enough to understand they will not get their way if one is consistant and firm. You need to explain to the child what you require of them and what will happen if they do not do as you ask. Tell them about what is going to happen if they misbehave, in this case cry when they don't get their way. Show them where the naughty chair/corner/place is - not somewhere where they can do anything or enjoy themselves. Tell them they have to stay there for 4 minutes or so until the timer you have near there goes off. When the timer goes off, they can leave the naughty place, however they have to be cautioned they will be returned immediately if they continue on the behavior. At the end of the segmented time in the naughtyt place they need to be required to say "I'm sorry". This help to instill in them their behavior is not acceptable. The child will attempt to do away with this system, but if you stick with it, it can do wonders. Also, if they spend a whole day without having to go to the naughty room, you can give them a small reward for being so good. Also always praise the child in a positve statement like "You are really being such a good boy/girl today. I am very happy with your behavior" or something like that. Do Not word you statements negatively such as: "You weren't half bad today, or isn't this much better than before", or "See, my way is better". We want the child to feel rewarded for all his hard work. "I know this isn't easy for you, and I want you to know how proud of you I am for your cooperation/hard work". I've seen this work wonders on the show. BOTH PARENTS/CAREGIVERS MUST REMAIN CONSISTANT, or it will be useless. Teamwork is the word here. Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post by Pam819 (16) | (06/06/2005) Contact Thanks guys for all the wonderful feedback. It makes me feel a lil better knowing I'm not the only one experiencing this behavior. When my Granddaughter is here with me I give her my undivided attention and she helps me out too. She'll set the table, help me cook, feed the cats etc. I too think this crying is something she has learned to get what she wants especially from Mommy and Daddy. It doesn't work with me, but it bothers me when she does try it, I think I will start ignoring or going into the other room and tell her when she decides to stop crying I will come back in. Tonight we were over the kids and she wanted her Mom to swing her around. Her Mom told her no that she had a headache and didn't want to do that. Of course she started crying and when I was leaving I told Mom don't you do it. So I don't know if she ended up doing it or not. I hope not. Thanks again for the feedback. Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By tina (Guest Post) (06/06/2005) feed fire with fire--------- cry right along with her-------- or just walk away and ignore her. i have a great neice just like that. i keep popscicle just for her .but when she is bad for her gramma .i tell her no popsicles and i stick to it i will not give in.meanie huh? Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By Donna (Guest Post) (06/06/2005) Man does she sound like my daughter did. I couldn't understand it, my son didn't act like that at all. She was a very head strong person then and still is. Now she is a teenager. LORD GIVE ME STRENGH lol. Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post by Katie A. (197) | (06/06/2005) Blog! | Contact I have 6 children, one of whom was something like your grandchild. Annoying, isn't it? The first thing that popped into my head is that she might just be a naturally whiney child. Doesn't make it any nicer, but some little personalities are just like that. The second thing I thought of was wondering if her behavior gets her the desired results. IOW, if she whines long enough, does she get her way? If so, that is the reason she is whining. Make sure that you are fair and firm and don't give in due to all the whining. My whiney child is 15 now and still a bit whiney, but it has improved a LOT over the years! Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By (Guest Post) (06/05/2005) I have a four-year-old neice that also crumbles at the slightest thing. First of all, her parents (my brother and his wife) are older, her mother is a complete pushover when it comes to discipline and making her mind, my brother is the "bad guy" and has to do all of that. She is 4 and still in diapers??!! I think mommy won't let go of her babyhood and there is alot of turmoil in their home. (fighting and arguing about the child). Children are very sensitive and intuitive. I get tired of her endless crying as well, and pouting, but have to take into consideration what her homelife is like! Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By MamawKC (Guest Post) (06/05/2005) This is certainly not professional advice but from a Grandma who's BEEN THERE plus worked with small children in Head Start I can tell you that this WILL PASS--but you need POSITIVE reinforcement to help them work through it.Yelling and fussing only makes matters worse.Like the person before me she is old enough to understand that you will LISTEN to her but crying is not the way to get your attention.With my Grandson at that stage I found that PRAISE got a lot of good results. I'd do things with him and say Hey,thats REALLY GOOD--or YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD HELPER-- MAMAW'S REALLY PROUD OF YOU-- and ALWAYS let them know that YOU think THEY'RE REALLY SPECIAL! Most of the time kids really just want the added attention that maybe they're not getting, and you know what?? No one better than Mamaw to give them that undivided attention.When I've got him with me I ignore everything else until he goes home.WE CAN DO THAT--we don't have them 24/7.Also DO try to get her to talk to you about the problem,there could be deeper seated problems that are causing the crying.One thing is for sure----IF YOU'LL LISTEN-Kids WILL TALK about problems.I admire your willingness to ask for help.Gradnparenting is wonderful--it gives you the chance to make up for all the mistakes we made raising our own children. Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By fyrgril (Guest Post) (06/05/2005) I have 3 children and it is normal for them to go trough a stage but it sounds like your grandaughter is criing because that is her way of getting attention. Is it possible that when she was younger she cried at night and mom or dad ran in to check on her right away? if so she learnd to get attention by criing. it could also be the lack of structual activites. Let your granddaughter do thigs so she feels like a big girl. my 3 year old loves to do "dishes". He gets more water on the floor but feels big about helping and has fun doing it. When it comes to leaving Grandmas he still cries about it and I feel that is perfectly normal. Hope I helped Report Spam or Abuse RE: 4 Year Old That Cries a Lot Post By Lori (Guest Post) (06/05/2005) Does she get things when she cries at her own home? If she does, she may just need to be told nicely that at your home she need to use her big kid voice to tell you things. I myself couldn't bear whining, so I told my children I would listen when they used another voice. To this day my older duaghter (now 26 years) says she believed I actually COULD NOT hear her when she whined! Like a dog whstle, I guess. One other thing I couldn't tell, is that if this is a new thing with her, she may be troubled by something new or different in her life, and this is a temporary set-back. Report Spam or Abuse