How can I show my daughter I support her? She just graduated from high school and I have been offering suggestions and giving her advice about her career because she is undecided what she wants to do at this point, go to college or work.
I am only trying to help, but she says I am too negative and not supportive. I am not trying to be negative just trying to give her a little advice about the pros and cons of her choices. Can you experienced mothers help with suggestions as I do not want to be a hindrance to her, I just want to help her. Any advice would be appreciated.
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By Teresa Tart08/03/2010
Onesummer I have been there and I advice you to do what I did. Just give up and let her decide. That's all you can do and really it will make her a better person. That way if she makes a mistake it was her chosen and she can't blame anyone but herself and if she picks right then she will be very happy. If she wants to talk just be there for her and listen. If she ask for your opinion give it, if not then just listen. I know it is hard but we have to let them learn on their own.
By Lelia Jo Cordell08/03/2010
My youngest turns 22 next month, and all four I brought into this life are pursuing their dreams. The best thing you can do when and if your daughter asks is focus on her positive traits and skills. Instead of "can't," try brainstorming "can-do" strategies. Try not to criticize. One son has changed his mind several times and now seems settled on a criminal justice career. I didn't remind him of how many times he's changed his mind (I lost count, lol!) Instead, I listened and offered short comments that encouraged him to talk through his thoughts.
Best to you and your daughter as she finds her own strengths!
It seems to me you've already given her all the advice she needs or wants so let her wings spread to fly on her own. It seems that all of God's creatures know instinctively, except for we human beings, when it's time to let their loved ones venture from the nest in their own way to their own future. All you need to do to show support is be there for her when she asks and needs you.
It sounds like she already knows what she wants and you are not happy with her choice. Sometimes people need to try something before they are sure. By objecting, you will make it hard for her to change her mind. Let her work it out.
I would have someone in the field of interest talk to her to answer any questions she has and how she would get a job. She needs to do this first then go to a college or tech school, the schools will not tell you your personality or talent is or is not good enough for the field. They just want their money for four years even if the field is saturated with workers. She needs to weigh out the pros and cons of when she may get into the field. If she is realistic and is not intimidated by the fact it may take a few years, let her do it. I regret people talking me out of my field of interest.
Going through the same thing (only mine graduated in 2005) the best you can do is show her that you love her by supporting her and backing off. Let her experience the working world by trying a few different "careers". Try child care, receptionist, pastry shop/baker/chef, volunteer at the local animal shelter. When she is ready, she will let you know. But for now, just let her know that you are there for her when she needs you.
By PENNY K07/28/2010
In today's job market college is no longer a guarantee of a good job. Or any job for that matter. I am adamantly opposed to school loans as they can never be discharged through bankruptcy, and the interest rate on the loan can be modified by the lender at any time. There is legislation in the works re school loans but I would check what's going on with that. Pell grants are fine. There is effort to stop loaning students money for private schools dedicated to learning just one skill, but for jobs that will never pay enough to justify the cost of the course.I agree with that, because many of those "colleges" are just loan churning companies in reality and do little to help students when they are done.
I'd almost suggest taking a short course at the local community college teaching anything she's interested in or willing to try that would give her a work skill she can use quickly. Then she can work, have some money, go to school as she wants, pay as she goes, so she has no debt, and can also make progress in her job as she goes along.
By pam munro07/27/2010
It's always easier to get advice from people other than your parents. Is there a counselor at her high school? Or ask school for referrals/materials. Your local 2-year college might also be able to help, & there are government services, like EDD, too.
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