This isn't a tip but a reminder. When you receive an invitation to a function, and it reads to RSVP or any other type of a request to respond, please reply accordingly.
In the past six months, I have been involved in organizing two large parties with over 50 people. My main responsibility was to help cook for the party. In order for anyone to make any food you must know how many people will be there so you can buy and cook/prepare what is needed. Not only the food but plates, flatware, drinks, etc. must be known so people can plan. Planning a party can be quite expensive. Some people work within a budget.
I was very disappointed that more than half of the people who were invited did not respond in any way. I do not understand it. In order to get a head count, we had to make phone calls. The host/hostess make the effort to print and mail out invitations, so the guests should have the courtesy to reply. In was time consuming and frustrating to make the calls.
At one of the parties, party favors were involved. There were quite pricey but it was a party for a special person. Even though there were extras, some who were courteous enough to reply, did not get one because unknown to us, a few people were bringing their own guests, so that left us short. It would have been polite for the uninvited guest to refuse but of course they didn't.
It has been years since I was involved in organizing a party and I was not happy with the guests who did not reply to the sent out invitations. Now, no one minds calling Aunt Theresa who is elderly and forgets at times, that is something quite different. And it is understandable that people sometimes do forget but this was over half of the invited guests.
If you want to bring any extra people, please let the hostess/host know. These two parties for the most part did not have the same guests. If we would have known current e-mail addresses that may have helped the situation but it was impossible to know all of them.
So this is just a reminder to be polite and courteous and don't forget to reply to a party. You were special enough to receive an invitation so please be kind to the hostess/host of the party and respond as requested. It will make it so much easier and less stressful for them so they can enjoy the party, too.
Well, this explains a lot. I've thought for years that people who never RSVP'd were just being rude/lazy; good grief, I had no idea there are people out there who actually think it means respond only if you plan to attend (or only if you don't plan to attend, whatever...). As Deeli put it, RSVP is French for "Respond, PLEASE!"; meaning respond one way or the other, not just if you plan to attend, not just if you don't plan to attend, not if you're hoping a better invitation comes along, whatever; it means "respond, respond, respond"! They used to teach a little bit of French in schools since it's used in the field of etiquette; guess they're not doing that (or teaching etiquette either, for that matter) in schools anymore. Sigh; we're doomed.
I completely agree! I just had a baby shower this weekend that I had hosted by myself and they had 88 invitations that needed to go out with over 250 people invited and I heard from 5 families! I was pretty mad that went to all the effort of filling all of the invitations out and then in the end only 30 people came, which only a couple of those people RSVP'ed. :( I only had phone numbers for 11 people but that still didn't give me a good idea of how many people were coming so I planned very low for like 50 people and if i didn't have enough I was going to say well maybe you should have RSVP'ed. I also had the same problem in April with my wedding. We sent out about 250 invitations and only heard from about 50 people. I didn't hear from a single co-worker who I work next to all day, every day until the week before the wedding. How rude and inconsiderate?
Obviously this subject struck a nerve. The best thing I have seen is when the RSVP states "For regrets only!" it tells them, you are expected unless we hear from you. I love it and plan to use it the next time.
"Répondez s'il vous plaît", meaning "please, please/pretty please respond".
If RSVP is written on an invitation it means the invited guest must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party. It does not mean to respond only if you're coming, and it does not mean respond only if you're not coming (the expression "regrets only" is reserved for that instance). It means the host needs a definite head count for the planned event and needs it by the date specified on the invitation.
For those who think their 'being busy and stressed out' overides the 'common courtesy' of a simple, quick 'yes or no' call, email or note in the mail, well, that lack of courtesy will be remembered and you probably won't be invited again and it could very well be an invitation to an event you were hoping to be invited to.
Our world has sadly become far too rude and people far too self centered and uncaring towards their brethren :-(
Well, I am a mom of 4 kids and have just learned something different here. My mom taught me that you only need RSVP if you are attending and don't call if not. The host's of the event are busy without taking no show calls. Both ideas make sense, especially in today's busy world. But, as I have fortunately not planned such an event, I will keep the meaning in mind for the many birthday invites my children receive. Just, know there are many folks who learned as I did and are not intending to be rude.
Have mercy on a very busy, very stressed generation, especially now with the economy failed, the stranger in the oval office having high-jacked the office of the presidency, and the threats of internment, murder by vaccines, and the few last of the 500 biblical prophesies being fulfilled almost at the same time just ahead, according to all the details and signs. I'm one that has the best of intentions, sets the card where I can get to it again, then someone else covers it with their important papers, or knocks it off the fridge, and I cannot plan ahead or commit to much of anything because I'm over-committed already, although I'd love to be able to just say all of this in an RSVP.
One helpful suggestion that might improve RSVP response is to make a brief note on the card: 'Need headcount for planning/budgeting food and seating. Won't you tape this in a special place and let us know really soon, please? '
Honestly, most folks are flat broke, losing homes, investments, marriages, dreams, savings, income, jobs, and all that come/goes with these things, so I wouldn't plan on even half wanting to admit it, think about it, or be reminded to think about it. Few even know what the next day will bring them, or where they might be. This is the ugly reality of it.
Could you plan a smaller event, not expect many to come and celebrate with greater quality rather than quantity? That seems more like a solution than the frustration that lingers everywhere, visits when you least expect or desire it to, right? Try to forgive folks who are truly deceived, lied to, tricked, manipulated, scammed, and stolen from....if you can. These are facts, not excuses.
It is amazing isn't it? I read in Reader's Digest once that the hosts changed the venue after sending out invites. Those who didn't respond and showed up were at the wrong place. I love that and hope to try it one day! I also like leaving the destination off the invite.
I am 60 years old and still it never fails to amaze me that there are people who either don't understand what RSVP means, or who don't care to put out the ounce of effort it takes to respond. It is incredible to me the number of people who still feel entitled to show such a lack of common courtesy!
It's too bad that social customs can't be rewritten so that as guests arrive they are checked against the RSVP list, and those who didn't RSVP are turned away at the door! After a couple of embarrassments, deadbeat invitees would hopefully improve their manners in the future!
I think the "invitation without destination" idea is worth a try. Please post again after the party and let us know how it worked!
A suggestion I am going to follow is not put the location of the party on the invite, so only if they RSVP for further details will they be informed of where it will be. No one can drop in unexpectedly and after you have sent an invitation you certainly should not have to do a followup call if they are too rude or lazy to respond.
Our kids are planning a 50th anniversary party for us and that is what our son is planning on doing. It will be interesting to see the results. We will know who our real friends are after that! or if we have any left!
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Request: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore? (09/11/2009)
Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore? I have yet to hear from 13 people that I sent invitations to (out of 19 sent). Should I get on the phone and track them down?
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Request: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
Archived on 09/11/2009
Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore? I have yet to hear from 13 people that I sent invitations to (out of 19 sent). Should I get on the phone and track them down? I think they are being very rude, and I'm kind of afraid of telling them off. I'm also sad for my son, since the party is for him.
Sandy from WI
Feedback:
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
It doesn't seem that people take the time to RSVP anymore. I too find it rude, especially when it's requested on an invite. I always RSVP if it's requested, either in writing, or by phone.
I would do a follow up call myself, saying that the party is coming up and with food to buy and planning to do, you need to know if they are coming or not. It's possible that they simply got sidetracked and forgot about replying. Though that's not an excuse, people tend to run themselves ragged these days and neglect a lot of simple things they should take the time to do. (05/18/2007)
I too find it awful rude. But I also have been guilty of NOT RSVP'ing myself. But I've tried to be much better for several reasons.
#1 It's hard to plan
#2 It's embarassing to have someone call and say "I didn't see your RSVP, are you coming?"
#3 It's hard for the kids (if it's a party for them) not knowing who is coming.
I had a surprise party for my son this last weekend, I invited 50 in total, only 5 RSVP'd! So with their family, it came to about 37 or so people (about 15 total RSVP's) that I didn't know were coming or not. Some I talked to in passing, some never replied, some I e-mailed. UGH! It was frustrating! But, God had the people that needed to be there, there so...
STILL NO EXCUSE! RSVP!
P.S. Don't even get me started on thank you notes for gifts and parties.(05/18/2007)
People are to lazy, I am planning a couple s shower for this weekend and not one person RSVP to me, I sent out 20 invites. I will just wait and see. I am planning on at least 30 people for food. If they don't show I will have food to eat for a week. I am a person that always sends back a RSVP. I also always write thanks you's too. (05/18/2007)
Yes, Sandy, I would phone them and track them down. Just tell them you need to order/prepare the food and you need an accurate head count and you need a yes or no answer now!
Rude, ungrateful people are really high on my pet peeve list these days! The last four weddings we attended (and sent generous gifts!) netted us ZERO thank you notes!! There was no way the gifts became separated from our cards. I have a good relationship with tape, and lots of it! I hate to be this way but, for future invitations, I'm just about ready to start sending a nice card, congratulating the couple on their marriage, and nothing more! The four couples on my "list" had my address to mail me the invitation! There is no excuse for not knowing where to send a thank you!
I have seriously toyed with the idea of mailing future "offenders" a packet of "Thank You" cards (anonymously) when they fail to acknowledge my gift. I guess I won't because that lowers me to their level, but I get some pleasure from imagining their reactions! (05/18/2007)
It's me again. I do agree that people are busy, but sheesh, it's so rude not to make a simple phone call, or send back a note. Many of these people have seen me since the invites went out. I have gotten two maybes now, how can I plan for maybes?
Last year, I wanted to have a party for my son, but I didn't tell him. I'm glad I didn't because NO ONE rsvp'ed or CAME! I cried, but I didn't tell him. He is such a sweet kid, too, and a nice boy. I also hate the no "Thank You's" crowd, how rude and ungrateful. (05/19/2007)
By Sandy from WI
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
I have tried to plan and pay for 3 weddings and it is sooo rude not to RSVP. We rented a hall to hold all that would be invited and only half showed up. We could have gone with smaller and closer to home. The poor last child may have to do it all herself cause I am burned out trying to guess who cares and who doesn't. Even relatives are rude about not letting one know. I have had kids parties where only two came, very sad. I have been to wedding receptions where they ran out of food due to this problem. When people don't say thank you, you feel like not bothering next time. (05/21/2007)
By Claudia
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
People have gotten lazy and rude in this country. No one thinks they need to use manners any more. I hope you still hear from them. No, I wouldn't go to the trouble of phoning them.
I get very mad at those who send no thank you's. It's a small thing to do, doesn't take much time or effort (or expense) but means a lot to the gift-giver.
Manners have just gone out the window here, sad but true! (05/21/2007)
No, people don't RSVP much anymore. I have 3 daughters and I've found from kids parties I've both hosted and attended. If you invite the whole class, you'll get about 3 or 4 kids to show up. If people you invite are close friends or relatives, sure, call them up and ask if they're coming.
I've found that it's easier to do a "reverse RSVP". On the invitation, ask people to call if they plan on coming. I don't think people like to call and decline but if they're definitely coming, they usually call to confirm or ask specifics about the party. Also, don't send the invitation out too far in advance or people will forget, lose the invitation, etc. (05/21/2007)
I don't invite back a two time Non-rsvper! If you can't tell me you can/can't come, what kind of friend are you? I feel sorry for your son's friends. They will not know to teach their children when they are adults, my kids always RSVP and write thank you notes (before they are allowed to play or wear a gift!) Manners are a thing of the past. And don' get me started on e-mail thank yous. I should e-mail that person a photo of the gift I was going to get them! haha
(05/21/2007)
By Diana
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to call and find out if they had received the invitation and were coming. Call and just ask if they received the invitation. Postage keeps going up and folks don't always get their mail. Call them. I would. Connie (05/21/2007)
By Connie
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
Perhaps if you cut the invitation in half, with instructions, for them to mail their half back to you to match up to their other half of their invitation, will get their attention, and also, the RSVP that is on their half. If they act like rude children, and play games, treat them as such. I would not call the invited guest back. To me, that is desperate for their attendance.
(05/21/2007)
By Diane
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
I planned a surprise party for my husband when he turned 30 last December and set up a special email address for people to send an email to in order to RSVP without my husband knowing. I invited about 30 people and nearly everyone let us know one way or another. About 25 people showed up, and all of them had let me know they were coming. I really didn't have any trouble with people not RSVPing. I think email made it easy for them to do so at their convenience and there was no phone tag involved or things to remember to put a stamp on and put in the mail.
It sounds like several people are having the same problem over and over... I have to wonder if their guests are just not nice people, why do they keep inviting them back? And if they do seem to be nice people, is there something the host or hostess is doing that is making them avoid the host or hostess over and over? (05/21/2007)
I would like that question answered too. We recently sent out 75 invitations to our sons High school graduation. I was thinking of 150 or so people. I have received about 8 replies. We will have approx. 25 people. If the other people show up, I'm not sure what we will do. We have homeschooled our son and I feel bad for my son. He says he doesn't mind. The most important people to my son are coming. I guess that's all that matters. This still makes it difficult to provide the food for this shindig. (05/21/2007)
By Susie from Buckhead, GA.
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
Yes, people are RUDE! When our youngest daughter got married 4 years ago, there were about 10 couples (20 people) that did not R.S.V.P.. We were having a sit down dinner. Well, you guessed it, they showed up. I politely told them that I didn't receive their reply and I hadn't planned on them coming, so I had no seating for them. (Place cards had already been made out) Yes, they were embarrassed to no end, I was glad! I know I sound awful to say this but I was tired of people not showing up when invited. (05/21/2007)
By Sherri
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
Not responding to an invitation is just plain RUDE! Do not invite them again. Sherri, good for you! You go Girl! (05/21/2007)
Did you ask them to RSVP? I don't respond unless asked to RSVP. (05/22/2007)
By timmel
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
People forget, the mail doesn't get delivered. Be nice and give 'em a call. Take the high road. Your biggest worry is all the rsvp's being in, you prepare for 20 people and only 1 shows up. We attended a birthday party years ago and my little son was the only one that came. Possibly if you send out reminder emails, it would help those with short memories. (05/22/2007)
The no RSVP and NO Thank You gets under my skin as well. We were taught at home and 4th grade English/Writing class, guess they figure it is not important anymore. I am going to a class reunion in June. The man responsible sent out the initial paper work in plenty time and had everyone RSVP by a certain date. He said he does not know how many to plan for. I called some on his list and one lady which lives in the area said she got the info and threw it in the trash. I was shocked. I ask her if she was going to respond and she said no. She has no ill feelings with any of the class mates and she was my best friend in school. So I guess, after all these years, I will not see her when I travel 350 miles to go to the reunion. I will not spend my time looking her up. I could go on and on but you all would get tired of reading. A simple Thank You lets you know the gift was received whether it was liked or not. Enough said. (05/22/2007)
By Rasta
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
I would absolutely call them and say "since I never got a response from you and need to give a final count to the caterer (or whatever), I need to know for sure if you are attending or not." Let them know in a mild way that you don't appreciate being left in the dark. My sister sent out 80 wedding invitations with a STAMPED reply card. By the date she had put on the invitations as the reply date, only 50 had responded. Then, the postal rates went up!! The stamps she put on the responses that were not mailed back were wasted! That is the UPMOST of laziness, it already had a darn stamp on it. All they had to do is mark their response and put it in the mail. I would for sure call and put them on the spot. Good luck with your party!! (05/23/2007)
I think fewer and fewer people these days even attempt to RSVP. I agree you should call them, and just pleasantly say "we need to know how much food to have prepared, we would hate to have to turn people away hungry since we didn't plan for people unless we heard from them." You absolutely should NOT have to call them, but you will drive yourself crazy if you don't. (05/26/2007)
By Becki in Indiana
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
I am always surprised by the number of people who do not RSVP. I try to RSVP as soon as I get the invitation. If I really want to go, I'm of course excited and respond right away. If not too excited, I simply respond saying I can't make it. It gets it off my mind instead of hearing that little voice say "you still have to respond". By not responding, it tells me that the event is not that important, and you could really care less if you go or not. I have forgotten to RSVP in the past, and it's been to events that I'm not too excited about. When I throw a party and don't hear from people, I get the feeling like they don't care much, and they fall down the list when it comes time for another invitation.
(05/29/2007)
By Rhonda
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
AAAH! I am so glad that there are others out there that feel the same way I do. I am throwing a huge surprise birthday party for my sister and husband next weekend. I am having it catered, so of course, I am paying for the food per person. Since I am having a difficult time getting RSVP's I have no clue how much to order! If I order too much, I'm paying for food that is not going to be eaten. If I order too little, I look like a cheap schmuck. (07/21/2007)
By Aimee- Milwaukee
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
If it is an important/pricey event - even if you send out printed invitations, put everyone on your evite list and send an evite - that way they can rsvp on line and you can keep on easily sending them multiple reminders to RSVP!(07/23/2007)
WHAT is SO HARD about taking a PRE-stamped envelope and filling out whether or not you are attending an event and dropping it in the mailbox. I cannot for the life of me understand this. Wedding is coming up and RSVPs are due in like 4 days and I'm still waiting to hear from at least 30 people.
(08/01/2007)
By Theresa
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
It is just common courtesy to respond, one way or another, to an invitation. We made it simple by including phone number and email. Personally, if someone doesn't want to come to the party, fine, but please just respond! The hostess needs the numbers to order the proper amount of food and favors. In our case, when I tried to find out about some stragglers, the future mother-in-law got angrier than you can imagine. She doesn't understand what difference it makes to RSVP or not! I see some anger issues with her and am now very nervous about getting together in person with her at the shower. Bottom line, every family may do things a little differently, but courtesy and graciousness is something everyone should have in common. (03/26/2008)
By FUZ
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
I think you should remind people once and state that if you don't hear from them by a certain date, that it is understood that they are not attending and will not be on the guest list. (07/21/2008)
By MARCIA
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
I find it rude also! If people don't RSVP at all, I get all up on them about it. I do not care. (08/15/2008)
By Emilee
RE: Don't people RSVP to invitations anymore?
I am in the same boat with folks not RSVPing. I put a date to respond by, email and phone number, etc. About 1/4 still have yet to respond and a bunch waited until the day before the party to let me know. We are having the party at a restaurant so I really needed the head count. My family has said (and yes, some of my own family didn't reply) not to worry, if extras show up, they can pay for their own food/drink. But I found a tip online that I thought was interesting ... on the invite, don't list a time. If folks intend on coming, they'll call/email to find out the time and there's your RSVP. I may try that next time around. :-) (01/03/2009)
This isn't a tip but a reminder. When you receive an invitation to a function, and it reads to RSVP or any other type of a request to respond, please reply accordingly.
