Okie dokie. Here's the deal. My little brother is on a basketball team. His coach is 19 and very sweet and cute and all that good stuff. The problem is I don't think he even actually knows I exist. I was talking with one of the parents of one of the boys on the team and she told me to go for it. Then again, so does my best friend who has known him since grade school. I wanted to do something to let him know that I really like him. Any ideas? Don't forget, I am so super shy it isn't funny. My ears turn really bright red whenever I talk to him. So please, nothing too dramatically creative.
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Maybe you could find out his favorite flavor of cookie and bake him some cookies. Guys love food! You know the saying, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
Guys won't admit it but, they love to get flowers, get him a small bouquet of flowers and a couple of hershey kisses !
Why not make use of your younger brother? Have him invite the coach to go with or meet the two of you for coffee or ice cream or a burger or something after a practice or game.
That way you don't have to stick YOUR neck out.
Even though you are shy he probably does know you exist. Understand that if you continue to talk to him and get to know him really well. When you warm up to him you should tell him then. Hey you never now he might beat you to it
Hi Heather. I know it can be earth shatteringly hard to swallow the lump in your throat and croak out some sad excuse for an "I like you". What do you know about this guy? Besides that he coaches basketball and makes your ears go red. Do you have any common interests? If you happen to like the same music or books, movies, whatever, perhaps while your brother is practicing you could arrive early to pick him up and try (I know it's hard but try) to ease into a conversation about something you both like, but that doesn't evoke intense emotions. IE no politics, religion, etc . Just something light hearted. See how he responds to you. If you notice that he leans toward you when he speaks or that when he laughs he makes motions as if to touch your arm, then I'd bank it that he's interested in at least getting to know you better. Settle for small steps. There's no need to rush. If you feel comfortable at the end of the conversation ask if he'd like to get together on Friday and go see the new ___ Movie. Remember that change can only occur with momentum. Standing on the sidelines never won a man's heart. Good luck honey. Remember to get to know him and find out if he's more than just a pretty face as well. No need to settle for less than you deserve.
there is this guy that works at this resturant that i go to every day.Heis always looking at me and smiling,when i say hi to him he always has this big smile on his face.i need to know what can i do to see if he really like me or just being nice..help!
Show intrest in your brother's game, maybe even ask the coach how he's doing on the team. A guy who works with young people and enjoys his job would probably appreciate a girl who's concerned about her little brother. It shows you care and you come from a good, supportive family. Don't bake cookies or give flowers to a guy who might not know you're alive, you don't wanna seem like a desperate psycho before he even looks at you. That can be done later after a few conversations about baskettball and you could bake some cookies "for the team" and make a special, big one for him.
I agree with Maggie. If you pretend (or are actually interested) in your brother's games, talk to the reall cute guy about it. And when you talk to him, pretend that you dont like him. It'll get your mind off the fact that you do like him and you'll be able to have a real conversation wit him. That'll also hopefully stop your ears from turnin red. If that doesnt work out then mayb u should just go to one of the games early like when your bro has 2 go and then find the coach and just start by sayin HI!!
Heather.... i think you should just have a bunch of people go to the movies and be like hey, you wanna go to the movies with me and a whole bunch of people. and then maybe tell him he can invite friends if he wants to (just so he can feel comfortable).
Well I am kind of in the same boat myself. I mean I really like this guy and i thought that he liked me cause he called me like 5 times a day and then all of a sudden he just quit calling me.. How should I tell him that I like him alot. We did go out and do things. But why would he of quit calling. Does he not know what he wants or is he just busy. He lives on a 7400 acre farm and works 12 or 13 hours a day. and only has SUndays off. SHould i write him and tell him or should i call him and tell him. i would have to leave him a messages cause he wont answer his phone when i call.
ps guys dont like to get flowers lol. good luck
i can tell u from a guys perspective that men LOVE it when a woman approaches him n makes the 1st move, however like the rest of us have said, BE SUBTLE!!!! i once knew this girl who liked me n threw herself at me... pretty creepy, so she was let down.... n it wasnt easy....
also, men dont like it when women overdo the make up n stuff, try to use little makeup that way u look natural n beautiful at the same time ;)
with ur hair, men like a sort of effortless and natural looking style (although im well aware that look isnt effortless and takes forever to do!!)
when ur speaking to the guy, dont put urself in the position where u elevate this person way above u and work hard to meet his standards, try to look at it like 'does he meet MY standards??' (also IF AND ONLY IF u should get rejected, it wont be as harsh)
also, this guys a baseball coach right? so im assuming hes fit/athletic? well hes the kind of guy who'd love a challenge! so playing hard-to-get is also a nice card in ur deck (play this once u get to know him/start talking to him)
once u sorta break the ice, look deep into this guy, past the baseball and see that theres a different guy there, try to notice the little things that most people dont (try getting him to notice these small things about u too) try seeing that theres more to him than most people see, ull seem like someones whose "different" and chances r he'll want to hear more from u and know more about u
dont be self absorbed when talking to him, its only natural for people to wanna talk about themselves i know, but this guys a person too (however dont let the conversation focus entirely on him, keep a balance!!)
also, men find it a lot easier to communicate with a woman who isnt entirely feminine (suprised?!?!?! bet u already knew that) so try to be like 40% masculine n 60% feminine, he'll find it easier to talk to u then.
well, i gotta eat now, thats all i can do 4 u today...
remember... DONOT THROW URSELF AT HIM!!!! it'll creep him out and there go ur chances!!!
speak to him as if he were a friend of yours since u were like 5, speak casually like an old friend (once u break the ice ofcourse)
and if u SHOULD get rejected (not saying u will, cuz im sure ull have success!! look at all the ppl backing u up here!!) dont take it personally, maybe hes already in a relationship, maybe just got out of a bad one n isnt looking for another real soon so NEVER take a rejection personally otherwise ull have trouble with the opposite sex ur whole life
also, THIS GUY COULD BE A TOTAL JERK!!! so dont be too disappointed if he turns out like that
ok, laters heather!!
-professor. H (im only 16!!! :P)
guys dont get hints...lets face it...they just arent that smart...no offense lol
but truthfully... dont be shy just stand up and ask him out.
go to a movie, a park mabey even a small snack after practice.
the worst that could happen is him say no...and if thats the case, he isnt worth your time.
they dont like flowers??
well its a good thing i havent made that mistake yet eh?
scared of rejection
if i were you i'd follow...Suzanne C., Maggie, and Craig's advice. A group date isn't a bad idea either :)
I got a question how do I let a girl in my class know I like her without jumping into the spot light. I am shy and believe she likes me back but am not sure because I don't know if she's looking at me or something behind me. PLEASE HELP I'M A DESPARATE 13 YEAR OLD IN LOVE! And I can't get her out of my mind.
You should just tell her, because if she doesn't know them. What could of been may not ever be. You just have to take the plunge.
Remember that you may be scared, but the only way to get what you want is to try. You never know what could be unless you do try, and you don't want to get stuck at the end of baseball season thinking "what if..." because by then it won't matter. Honestly, he probably won't even notice if your ears get red or if you feel like you've said something stupid, he'll just appreciate the fact that you're talking to him. Take a chance, despite the scariness!
I am in love with this guy at my school. we are just friends. I have no idea if he likes me or not. How the heck do I know?
This completely depends how close you are already, if you barely know them, then you probably still have a chance to affect their initial impression of you. Getting someone you like to start thinking about you is half the battle, what I find works best for this is playing against type.
Consider how others see you. Be honest with yourself. It doesn't matter what you think of your self, I want you to consider what kind of impression you make on others just by the way you look, before you even say, or do anything. I am very tall, with a voice like Barry White, and a decent face. I am lean, and my natural facial expression makes me look very serious. Like some one just died, serious.
I could be playing the Animaniacs theme song in my mind but people will still look at me and think I'm reflecting on the collective woes of man in an imperfect world at this, a time of global discord and failing brotherhood. Because of the way I look, people automatically make certain assumptions about me.
It's easy to get someone's attention if you do something they don't expect. For me, because I look intimidating and solemn, that would be acting shy, and warm/fun/lighthearted. Which is a mixed blessing for me because I'm already incredibly shy, but a bit of a space case and my distance, and lack of energy is often interpreted as disinterest.
Most types of girls don't even bother to flirt with me or give up way too easily because they think I will probably be arrogant, or that I wouldn't be interested in them, or that if I were interested I would have already boldly gathered them up in my arms and carried them off into the sunset or something. So when I act shy they're flattered that I thought I might not meet their standards.
It's similar for women, if you're pretty try being shy, and soft, and flattering. Unlike me you might not want to try to amp up your enthusiasm and energy because it could make you more intimidating. I have to because if I don't my dark, solemn features give me what you might call "stalker face."
Note: Being shy and acting shy are very different. Being shy helps you avoid attention. Acting shy is basically the same except it's done in a way that attracts attention. It's easier to think of the desired attitude as very polite and cautious rather than shy. "Accidental" slips of the tongue can actually be very useful.
Funny, and confidant works for most guys, not me. If I act like that people assume I'm an arrogant jerk. But if you don't look confidant, (short and clumsy, or fat and bald) then acting over confidant will give you character, I know guys like this who can get more attention from women than I ever could. Ever. They're allowed to be over the top, and need to be to get noticed. It's the same for girls, if you look average, act above average. Make the first move, be bold, daring, excitable, and act like you're giving him a chance to impress you.
And yes, either way your look/behaviour mismatch goes, odds are you will have to make the first move, start the conversations, flirt until they get it. To seem more confidant try switching questions for statements.
"Can I buy you a drink?" becomes "I would like to buy you a drink"
"Do you like me?" (which you should never ask out right) becomes "you like me don't cha?" (if you can pull off the casual teasing style this can work wonders, if you can't it will always backfire badly.)
"could I call you some time, if you're not too busy" becomes "I have to go, but I'd like call you some time."
Also consider how OTHER PEOPLE see, and so treat the person you like. You want to act differently toward them than most of the people they meet. If they're good looking, don't give so many compliments, and the compliments you do give should not be faint like a passing remark that a friend might make, they should be specific and confidant (eye contact important here); act more like it's you giving them a chance.
For example when I tell a decent joke and a girl laughs, maybe the joke was just funny. But when I say something that barely even qualifies as a joke and she still laughs just as hard, I start thinking that she might like me. Try to tell them things they haven't heard before, make it noticeable.
Also no matter what anyone tells you take all advice with a grain of salt, there are not guaranteed guides. Keep your eyes open and notice if what your doing isn't working so you can try something else.
In terms of what to do to move things to the next level: If you're in a hurry, kiss them. There are "tricks" to let you know if they're ready to be kissed, but that's mostly just for quick pickups, google David DeAngelo if that's what you're looking for.
If you're not in a hurry, flirt a lot, be fairly blunt. Don't hit on them as such, but try to make your interest plain from the start, and make it gradually more obvious. Once you get a friendly relationship going spend more time with them. Relax, make your intentions clear and just keep going. Slowly. There is no need to take huge steps like "Puttin' the moves on em" with some cheesy maneuver in a movie theater or worrying about when to kiss them. If you're taking you're time, and gradually getting more obvious with your flirting, it will more or less happen on it's own.
Some basic signs to consider, If they agree to go somewhere with you alone they are almost definitely interested. If they make a lot of eye contact they either find you fascinating or are in training to be a toastmaster (professional public speaker.) If they don't then don't worry about it, it doesn't mean anything. Most of the signs are like this, either positive or inconclusive.
Ladies, you're going to have to be a little more blunt. Guys are slow at this, I know I am. Guys don't pick up on body language as much as women, try more verbal flirting. When a guy thinks back on a conversation he mostly remembers the words, not the tone, not the accompanying hand gestures, not the way you had one eyebrow a 16th of a millimetre higher than the other, the words.
And we notice what you wear more than you might think, if you dress nicer, or even just differently when you know your going to meet up with a guy he will eventually notice that you're making the effort and maybe even begin to wonder why. Guys, be conscious of your body language. Ladies think there is importance in it, so give them something to think about.
Noticing women's subtle signals is hard. I dunno... maybe watch to see if they touch their hair, it's supposed to be a good sign if they do. If they don't then don't worry about it, it doesn't mean anything.
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