Is My Daughter in a Gay or a Straight Relationship?

August 9, 2020

My 20 year old daughter recently informed me that she no longer wants to be referred to as a she or her. Now I'm to refer to her as they or them, non binary. I'm 100 percent OK with this. She is currently in a relationship with a transgender female to male, pre-OP.


So does that mean they are a gay couple or a straight couple? I asked both of them and was told no to both options. I'm very confused.


Bronze Post Medal for All Time! 105 Posts
August 9, 20200 found this helpful
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A lot of emphases have been put on transgender children when they are very young and especially in school. This is very devasting to a small child who knows no difference. Some schools won't even allow the young girls to go to the toilet with the other girls in the glass and make them use the boy bathroom. Many young girls and boys are forced to choose one sex or the other way too young. This is very hard on the child and should not be done. Just take into consideration about your daughter's relationship and try to think about this. This young girl has had to live with this all her life knowing that she had more male features than females features.


In order to respect your daughter's choice in her relationship, you should just refer to her new partner as a couple and not try and differ if she is in a gay or straight relationship. Worrying about all of this can actually push your daughter away from you. You need to respect her choice in life and the partners that she chooses. It sounds like you are fine with this and are OK with her choice of a partner. You will come to love him if you don't think of him as a transgender and just look at him for who he is and how kind and loving he is to your daugher.

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Silver Post Medal for All Time! 267 Posts
August 10, 20200 found this helpful
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I believe that would be technically a Pan relationship or maybe even a Queer relationship but the labels don't really matter. That is probably why your child said no to both options when you asked. They don't want to be defined by such narrow definitions. I would just call it a relationship and be happy that they found love.


Thank you for being supportive. I wish you all much happiness.

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Gold Feedback Medal for All Time! 949 Feedbacks
August 13, 20200 found this helpful
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It is wonderful that you have accepted this relationship as being 'okay' with you but I would suggest being very careful about asking questions as it may appear you are still not real sure of how you really feel although you have accepted this is as the way it is.

Relationships can be good or bad no matter the gender so I would hope this is a good one and you and your daughter (and her partner) will continue to have the same kind of relationship you've had in the past before any of this came to light.


I do not believe everything in this world has to have 'title' for it to be okay within ourselves.
Perhaps you are wondering how to introduce this couple to friends or family and just wanted to be sure you were providing the correct type of relationship. I've been in groups when couples introduced someone as 'my husband' or my wife' or my 'boy/girl friend' but what does someone say in this type of relationship?
It seems it is just a relationship to me and they should be able to introduce each other however they decide - generally it could be 'partner' or 'mate' or husband/wife - their decision - and it could change as time goes on.

Best wishes to everyone as it seems happiness in life is an elusive thing so grab onto it when it presents itself.

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Bronze Feedback Medal for All Time! 196 Feedbacks
August 9, 20200 found this helpful

They are just a couple! And are blessed that you bless it! Non labels are the new normal! It is truly amazing when two souls find each other!

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