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These past twelve months were quite a year. They added inches to my rear. Such calories, the girth they leave, From Turkey day to New Year's Eve. And so, this year, I did avow To sit, and look, and just say "WOW!" While passing on the yummy stuff That makes my bod go puffPUFFPUFFF. "I will control myself today. To over eat just doesn't pay" I'll bring some port that I'd been saving. That should sate my sugar craving. Maybe just ONE homemade platter. (what could help me not get fatter?) Eureka! I'll make and bring a jello bowl And promise from my heart and soul That it will be my ONE dessert A little jello cannot hurt... I made my resolutions clear. I would not backtrack, would not veer... I'd start with salad, set the mood... I'd pass on all the fattening food. "Veggies, Oh, yes, veggies please! (I'm doing fine) No thanks, no cheese" "Oh, wait, ...did you say Camembert To compliment this festive fare? Well, just a little slice on top. I'll taste a smidge, and then, I'll stop" "Just look at that nice onion dip.. Ya, I guess I can have ONE chip..." "Good! Broccoli! Just a drop of sauce I'll taste your hollandaise, of course!" "A little corn...awash in butter..." ("It's only vegetables", I mutter) Festive platters on parade. I've lost my grip ...I'm SO afraid. "Potatoes? Yams? Well, just a dab And turkey? Yes, I'll take a slab." "Is that a honey roasted ham With marmalade and sweet peach jam?" "I'll just have a teensy bite" ...And so I nibbled through the night. Green bean casserole, tradition... Cream of mushroom. Deep contrition. "Your dressing's very, very good Um, Seconds? I don't think I should... Aww, I cannot insult the cook" (and so I took, and took, and took) A spoonful here, a spoonful there... A taste test, so I could compare... "No butter, olive oil instead ...A drop to moisten this great bread" "Please hold the gravy. Oh, homemade?" (I felt my resolution fade) "Cranberry compote? Just a drop" Oh, my gosh... I couldn't stop! "Now, where the heck'd my napkin go?" I think I ate it! Oh, my... NO! "You sure no one wants more of these?... Just pass them here. I'll take them, please" "You made this pie yourself? How nice! Well, maybe just a tiny slice... An itsy bitsy taste of that, And that, and that..." (that's why I'm fat...) Turkey stuffed, and so was I On seven different kinds of pie ...And dang, there was that jello too... "Whipped cream?...I'll have some, won't you?" Nibble, nibble, nibble, bite Indulgence loosed, the pants got tight I gobble-gobbled it alllll up And there I was, a stuff-ed pup. Alas, here goes another year Of added inches to my rear. But it was worth it.. Yes indeed A splendorous Thanksgiving feed... And I'll have ALL the coming year To get my pudgy bod in gear. I'll diet, and I'll exercise And trim my belly, butt, and thighs. "Yes, things next year will be just dandy Till then, please pass the Christmas candy."
Happy Turkey Day to all