Help With a Disobedient 4 Year Old?

I have a 4 year old daughter and she has no respect for me or my partner at all. She disregards everything we say to her, never obey's us and she's always back-chatting and pulling faces behind my back. If she doesn't get her own way she screams and cries. Sometimes I wonder what the neighbors think when they hear her screaming... again! Any help or suggestions would be more than appreciated. I would prefer non-physical punishment!


Thank You,
Haley from Albany, Western Australia

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Bronze Feedback Medal for All Time! 188 Feedbacks
September 26, 20060 found this helpful

Nanny 911 or SuperNanny shows are great. We've used their methods for sitting in a time out area, she still sits in time out but the behavior has been much better. Both shows have books out, it's not just gimicky, these British Nannys don't mess around! Sorry to say, but a lot of British still use the "respect your parent" attitude to a great advantage to them, puts us in the US to shame! I would have NEVER spoken to my parents as my children's friends do, and I am only 34!


Good luck!

By fishingal (Guest Post)
September 27, 20060 found this helpful

You need to read the book "Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours" by Kevin Lehman. It is based on a consistent consequence-based system,
AND it works.

By Linda Smyth (Guest Post)
February 14, 20070 found this helpful

The library is a wonderful resource. Our youngest boy is a challenge and whenever I feel that I cannot control the situation I hit the books. It is also helpful to praise her when she does good (even if you have to hide and keep a watch for such behaviour). The bad behaviour needs to have immediate consequences. Find out what her currency is - by this I mean what she really likes. If there is a particular show on TV, a toy or even a treat that would get her to listen. Having these items taken away until the behaviour changes. To assist in this you can also give her points for being good and she can win back the privilege of these items.


One thing that I found in a book was to use the word "we" when discribing the behaviour that you don't like eg. "We do not scream in this house.".

Most kids believe that they have a right to everything in life - they really need to understand that what they get is not a right but a privilege.

Dr Phil is also good with instructions about kids and bad behaviour - you could borrow his book from the library.

Just remember the old quote "He who angers you, controls you". It is tough but you will get there.

Linda from Down Under (Australia)

By denise warner (Guest Post)
February 14, 20070 found this helpful

wow a mother like me! there are no quick fixes i have 3 boys now almost grown and i found the best way to teach my child was to be the example and stay consistent. and to be willing to admit my own mistakes yes that means to humble myself in front of my child. and example i cant expect my child to listen to me if i don't listen to them. it really is that simple my children look up to me today because i took the time to listen and admit even i make mistakes and that doesn't make me bad sometimes mom even needs a time out trust your heart and teach your child how to treat you and i beleive praise is essential i make sure to compliment myself and others when we do something right and i have found i have changed behaviors in myself i didnt like and my children followed because we all want to be good and noticed.


i even act out when i'm not getting enough attention from others or myself and take the time to teach your child to be good to herself. we all have the fundamentals inside us to create our own environment its a matter of choice and willingness to change. i really hope this helps you and your daughter.


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