Driving Jokes

As serious as operating a motor vehicle is, there are many humorous situations on the roadways. This page contains driving jokes.
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January 20, 2011 Flag

Two old friends, each well into their eighties, were heading out for dinner on a Tuesday evening. After Blanche drove straight through a stop sign, Elizabeth became concerned, but didn't want to embarrass Blanche so she held her tongue. After Blanche drove through a red light without stopping, Elizabeth became very concerned.

"Blanche, you just drove through a stop sign and red light without stopping. You're getting very careless and dangerous in your old age," Elizabeth chided.

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A very startled Blanche replied, "Oh, am I driving?"

By Dusty from Silver Spring, MD

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March 10, 2005 Flag

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly....Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

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"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car OK?"

These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."

By Terri H.

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August 2, 2005 Flag

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.

She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It is square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

By Petfinder

Editor's Note: I apologize to all our blonde readers for publishing a blonde joke, we usually try to steer clear of them. This one was just too funny.

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June 11, 2005 Flag

A young driver said to her father, "Dad, you'll have to see what's wrong with the passenger door on the car."

"What makes you think somethings wrong?" her father asked.

"Well, replied the girl, "every time Mom rides with me, she has to hold onto it with both hands."

By Terri

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October 20, 2005 Flag

There was a traffic jam and the inevitable horn tooter was blasting away. Then a young woman in the car next to his leaned out and inquired sweetly. "What else did you get for Christmas?"

By Edie from Detroit, MI

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