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Attendant: "Welcome aboard, sir. May I see your ticket?"
Attendant: "You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!"
Passenger: "What for?"
Attendant: "For telling you where to sit."
Passenger: "But I already knew where to sit."
Attendant: "Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy."
Passenger: "That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it."
Attendant: "Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?"
Passenger: "Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this."
Attendant: "Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?"
Passenger: "That would be swell, thanks."
Attendant: "No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please."
Attendant: "The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee."
Passenger: "This is extortion. I won't stand for it."
Attendant: "Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10."
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.