Attendant: "Welcome aboard, sir. May I see your ticket?"
Attendant: "You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!"
Passenger: "What for?"
Attendant: "For telling you where to sit."
Passenger: "But I already knew where to sit."
Attendant: "Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy."
Passenger: "That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it."
Attendant: "Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?"
Passenger: "Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this."
Attendant: "Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?"
Passenger: "That would be swell, thanks."
Attendant: "No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please."
Attendant: "The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee."
Passenger: "This is extortion. I won't stand for it."
Attendant: "Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10."
Passenger: "No way!"
Attendant: "Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that."
Passenger: "Why not? Is he going to shoot me?"
Attendant: "No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee."
Passenger: "Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this."
Attendant: "Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Passenger: "Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?"
Attendant: "Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes."
Passenger: "The airline is charging me for cabin air?"
Attendant: "Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents."
Passenger: "I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?"
Attendant: "Certainly, sir! Here you go!"
Passenger: "But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar."
Attendant: "Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents."
Passenger: "For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?"
Attendant: "Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory."
By imaqt1962 from IllinoisRead More Comments
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"