Heaven Jokes

Many jokes make good hearted fun of men, women, and pets in after life situations. This guide contains Heaven jokes.
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March 2, 2006 Flag

A woman approached the Pearly Gates and was greeted by St. Peter who said, "Before you enter, you must spell a word." "Oh," she said. "What word?" "Any word you like," he told her. She said, "I'll spell Love - L-O-V-E." St. Peter told her she could go in, but asked if she would mind staying there a moment while he went to get something. "What do I do if someone comes?" she asked. "Just tell them to spell a word," St. Peter answered, and left.

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She stood there only a moment when her husband came into view. She said, "What are you doing here?" and he told her, "I was so distraught at your funeral that when I was driving home, I got into an accident and here I am!" and she said, "Well, you have to spell a word before you can come in." He said, "What word?" and she answered, "Czechoslovakia."

By Stacey from Orem, UT

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May 30, 2006 Flag

am and Edith were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. . .

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May 26, 2005 Flag

Two ninety year old men, Moe and Sam, have been friends all their lives.

It seems that Sam is dying of cancer, and Moe comes to visit him every day.

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"Sam," says Moe, "You know how we have both loved baseball all our lives, and how we played minor league ball together for so many years. Sam, you have to do me one favor. When you get to Heaven, and I know you will go to Heaven, somehow you've got to let me know if there's baseball in Heaven."

Sam looks up at Moe from his death bed, and says, "Moe, you've been my best friend many years. This favor, if it is at all possible, I'll do for you."

And shortly after that, Sam passes on.

It is midnight a couple of nights later. Moe is sound asleep when he is awakened by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calls out to
him, "Moe... Moe..."

"Who is it?" says Moe sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Moe, it's me , Sam."

"Come on. You're not Sam. Sam just died."

I'm telling you," insists the voice. "It's me, Sam!"

"Sam? Is that you? Where are you?"

"I'm in heaven," says Sam, "and I've got to tell you, I've got really good news and a little bad news."

"So, tell me the good news first," says Moe.

"The good news," says Sam "is that there is baseball in heaven. Better yet, all our old buddies who've gone before us are there. Better yet, we're all young men again. Better yet, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired!"

"Really?" says Moe, "That is fantastic, wonderful beyond my wildest dreams! But, what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching next Tuesday".

By Terri

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March 26, 2005 Flag

Three buddies die in a car crash and they find themselves at an orientation in Heaven. Each man is asked, "When you're lying in your casket & friends and family are mourning, what would you most like to hear them say about you?"

The first man says, "I'd like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a family man."

The second man says, "I'd like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband & school teacher who made a huge difference in children's lives."

The third man says, "I'd like to hear them say, 'LOOK, He's Moving!'

By T.H.

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