Okay, I've never been to a dance before, never really cared for them, but I really want to go to my senior prom. There's this guy who is just a friend and he's kind of shy, but we're good friends. Should I ask him? How? Please keep in mind I'm not the prettiest girl in the world.
By Confused from Tulare, CA
No! Definitely not! You would be setting yourself up for humiliation. Discuss the situation with your friend. Keep in mind, a prom is not just fun or a privilege, it is also an expense in time and money. Ask him what is expected of a guy and judging by his enthusiasm, or lack thereof, get closer to the question. Keep the option to retreat with honor open for both of you!
Oh please, DearWebby, what kind of advice is that? I asked one of my best friends to the prom, and he went with me. He's your friend, he'll probably be relieved that he gets to go to the prom, not have to ask, and be with a friend. If someone says no it's not a humiliation. If he says no in a nice way, you'll be fine. If he says no in a nasty way, he's not much of a friend, and that's important to know, too. P.S. I'm sure you're much prettier than you think you are, too. :)
I have to agree with Vaylmer 100%. If he is indeed a friend, just talk with him in private (not in front of other friends.) If he is interested, and if you agree to go as "just friends", simply split the costs (dinner and dance tickets, not clothing options) 50/50. If he is not interested, you will "get it" pretty darn quick and can just sweetly say "Oh, well, it was just an idea."
If he is a true friend, whether you decided to go to the dance together or not, it will be no big deal. If he gets uppity or defensive about it, he's either a) terribly insecure or b) not as good of a friend as you thought. Don't try to second guess his response before you hear his response and take his response at face value and leave it at that.
I understand how easy it is to think yourself "not pretty enough" to get a prom date (those teenage and 20 something years can be brutal as us females beat ourselves up about physical imperfections) but we do get wiser with age! :-) Your question tells me that you are indeed a lovely girl that just wants to have a fun evening with a friend. Never undervalue friendship, "Miss Confused", because it's your most sane and beautiful asset!
Now go ask that guy to take a long walk, get away from the crowds, and go with your gut concerning his comfort level. A high school prom can be a lot of fun, but you have decades of fantastic and less scripted times ahead of you should it not work out! I wish you confidence and clarity!
Ask him. If he says no ask someone else. Boys have to go through this all the time. Many a person has sat home because they wouldn't ask someone. Ask.
I'd try to have a private conversation and start with something like, "I can't believe it's our senior year and we're getting so close to graduation, the prom, all that stuff." Wait for a comment. If you get none, ask, "Do you think you'll go to the prom?" By this time, he'll be getting your drift, realizing what you're up to, but it's not like just bursting out, Hey! Will you go to the prom with me?" You've sort of warned him so he can get his head together. NOW you can ask. I like the idea of pointing out that you'd be just "going as friends" so he knows he's not expected to be a great romantic. I liked the idea from someone else about splitting expenses. Good luck! --shoe
Just ask, Sweetie! If he's a true friend and hasn't already made plans he'll be happy and relieved to go with you! If not you honestly would probably have more fun going by yourself, and you won't be the only one going to the prom by yourself, to enjoy the event! I asked a guy friend of mine to our senior prom and we had a really nice time but had he said no I would have been perfectly happy time to go alone and just hang out and enjoy the event and that was way back in 1972 when girls were not supposed to even ask any guy out!
Also, have you ever heard the saying, "Beauty is only skin deep"? It means that physical beauty is superficial and if you don't have beauty on the inside then the outside appearance is deceiving. Have confidence in you and don't judge yourself so harshly and timidly! Have a wonderful time!
I don't understand DearWebbys advice either! What humiliation could their possibly be in asking someone who is a friend and deciding it wouldn't be a comfortable option for either of you?
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