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Dealing With a Dead-Beat Dad

Category Child Support
Mother and Daughter Hugging in Park
This term is typically used to refer to fathers who shirk their financial responsibility for their children. Moms can also fall into this category, but less frequently as they typically have custody. This page contains tips for using the legal system to help collect support and some advice on talking to your children.
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August 18, 2005

My heart goes out to the innocent children who are dragged into Talk Shows with two cursing, yelling parents letting the world know they have a problem with support for their child. Children have feelings too, and the bitterness only produces frustrated adolescents. Then parents wonder why kids go off the deep end and commit crimes in an effort to get someone to listen. I don't know about other states, but where I reside there seems to be a pass-the-buck policy in many Child Support cases. For nearly sixteen years this happened with me and my Daughter until I had enough and took matters in my own hands. I'd like to offer a few suggestions to help mothers going through this situation.

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1. Most Importantly: Keep your negative comments to yourself and away from the involved child. This only builds frustration, and eventually they will know the truth, anyway.

2. Don't let fear of a court battle prevent you from doing what it right by your child. Years ago it was a tough process, but today DNA tells the story -- Case Closed!

3. Merely having the proof doesn't always get results. Lawyers don't hesitate to collect their fees from the state but that doesn't guarantee results. As a parent, stay on top of it, report again and again, that the court ordered support has not been sent. Many times officials are unaware that Dead-Beat Dads aren't paying support.

4. In my case I had a State Senator who helped by providing the name of an advocate who listened to my side of the story and went to bat to help. Income Tax money can and will be tied up until past due support is up-to-date. Trust me on this! Keep digging until you find a caring State Advocate. Believe it or not--there are some out there.

5. For the sake of the child, be persistent. It can be discouraging but don't give up. Children have rights, too! And they must depend on us as a parent to stand up for what's right in their behalf.

By Sharon Shearer

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Comment Was this helpful? Yes
By guest (Guest Post)
May 9, 20070 found this helpful

My ex husband Richard owes over $76,xxx. in back support , doesn't pay a single dime & hasn't even tried to in over 2 years he runs from state to state , job to job all to avoid paying . He is/was a o.t.r. { over the road } truck driver until the state suspened his C.D.L. for non payment of child support. He has a current warrant for his arrest for non payment of child support , thank goodness when he applied for a passport he was denied so he can't flee the country which he would do .

Last known to be seen in Brazil , IN. I was told he was working under the table on a farm as a farm hand . His current girlfriend/wife is still a truck driver Leann .

He has been employeed by several trucking companies over the past few yaers ones I know of have been Economy Towing , Prime Inc. , O&S Transportation , New Life Transportation.

I'm the bread winner of the family now trying to support myself and 2 children off Wal-Mart wages . I homeschool our youngest daughter during the day due to she is physically handicap & at this present time is unable to attend reg. school for medical reasons .

I have idea I think may work but have no clue who I'd even contact .. example start a t.v. show to expose deadbeat parents like America's Most Wanted Deadbeats air it weekly & show different stories on them ... Or maybe post pics of deadbeats & their kids on pizza boxes ... Shame them into paying ? ...heck if I know .. I just know there are way to many children owed child support which never receive it and many parents who are tired of chasing / hunting down the deadbeats with little to no help from government agencies .

I know myself I have invested hours into searching for my deadbeat ex husband because my children deserve to have both parents incomes to raise them.

I've even went as far as to hire a P.I. which was only able to give me old addresses on my ex which I followed through and still came up empty handed on info. leading to his employment/ home address to get the child support started back .

My ex mother in law is well aware of her sons whereabouts but refuses to tell me , even for her own grandkids sake she's won't . She protects her own deadbeat son instead of her own helpless grandchildren which is a shame I think .

Reply Was this helpful? Yes
May 10, 20070 found this helpful

I THINK A T V SHOW WOULD BE GREAT. MY EX IS DOWN TO 13,OOO FROM 32,OOO BUT HAS ONCE AGAIN DISAPPEARED AND I AM UNABLE TO LOCATE HIM. I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING THIS FOR 23 YEARS NOW AND IT GETS OLD WITH NO WHERE TO TURN TO OR NO ONE TO GET HELP FROM. IN ILLINOIS THEY HAVE A DEADBEAT DAD PROGRAM THROUGH PUBLIC AID YOU MIGHT CHECK IN YOUR STATE TOO. I AM GETTING READY TO DO THIS MYSELF. LAST RESORT

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By guest (Guest Post)
June 7, 20070 found this helpful

well, my kids dad is being a dead beat too i have a 4 and 2 year old and he lives apart from us. tried to date me and be a dad while i was seeing him but now he rarely sees them. i am a full time student and on welfare he owes 6 grand to my kids. i am trying to make a better life 4 my kids through being a nurse and at least i get to look at my children's beautiful little faces every day. they are healthy and the good lord knows my joy and how they are a gift to me. I feel sorry 4 the many fathers that walk away from the closest thing to heaven's heart ''children''. they simply don't get it. to any mother who is struggling with depression and anxiety, don't give up. don't lose hope. just go hold and love ur kids. and don't worry about every thing. they need ur love more than ever now. Yes i am speaking to u! god speaks through people...

Reply Was this helpful? Yes
December 17, 20080 found this helpful

I am also parenting with a deadbeat. We recently went to court where he said he didn't pay because he didn't read his court order and that he was going back to school. He is 50 and has had 26 jobs in the last 5 years. He is getting married this summer and spending tons of money on a big wedding, including our daughters in the wedding, but at the same time refusing to pay back support and keep current. His payments are SMALL only $4.65 per day per child, but he still falls behind. He use to make $40,000 a year, but quit to make $10 an hour. HIs new wife is a nurse. I have never talked bad about him to the girls, but it is getting so hard and frustrating, when the courts don't do anything.... the judge didn't make a decision in court, State support enforcement tells him not to pay on his own, but wait for wage garnishment. Then he changes jobs. I am so frustrated with the system. I am so frustrated with hm. My new husband and I pay for everything. Braces, clothes, food, EVERYTHING and he calls and tells the girls about his big wedding plans and tailored dresses. I won't tell the girls that he doesn't help, but HOW do I keep the smile on my face when they talk about it like it is the most wonderful thing in the world?! He sends gifts and has them in the summer for fun. I pay for all the day to day things and drag them out of bed for school. ... I could go on, but I am sure everyone knows what I am talking about.... the frustration for it all!!

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