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Single Parenting: Dealing With Dead-Beat Dads

My heart goes out to the innocent children who are dragged into Talk Shows with two cursing, yelling parents letting the world know they have a problem with support for their child. Children have feelings too, and the bitterness only produces frustrated adolescents. Then parents wonder why kids go off the deep end and commit crimes in an effort to get someone to listen. I don't know about other states, but where I reside there seems to be a pass-the-buck policy in many Child Support cases. For nearly sixteen years this happened with me and my Daughter until I had enough and took matters in my own hands. I'd like to offer a few suggestions to help mothers going through this situation.

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1. Most Importantly: Keep your negative comments to yourself and away from the involved child. This only builds frustration, and eventually they will know the truth, anyway.

2. Don't let fear of a court battle prevent you from doing what it right by your child. Years ago it was a tough process, but today DNA tells the story -- Case Closed!

3. Merely having the proof doesn't always get results. Lawyers don't hesitate to collect their fees from the state but that doesn't guarantee results. As a parent, stay on top of it, report again and again, that the court ordered support has not been sent. Many times officials are unaware that Dead-Beat Dads aren't paying support.

4. In my case I had a State Senator who helped by providing the name of an advocate who listened to my side of the story and went to bat to help. Income Tax money can and will be tied up until past due support is up-to-date. Trust me on this! Keep digging until you find a caring State Advocate. Believe it or not--there are some out there.

5. For the sake of the child, be persistent. It can be discouraging but don't give up. Children have rights, too! And they must depend on us as a parent to stand up for what's right in their behalf.

By Sharon Shearer

About The Author: Read Sharon's Author Bio:
http://www.thri … f686290.tip.html

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August 19, 20050 found this helpful

Please remember there are just as many deadbeat

moms out there. I married a man with a child...

his marriage tothe mother ended when he got back

from tour of duty and she was preggers with another's child. This woman told her child they could

not afford movies, fun stuff cuz Daddy would not give them $$$. She was remarried quickly had 2 more kids with new husb. long story short..

We were given total custody of this child who loves

her dad and wanted to live with us at age 6 she kept

asking and the court agreed. MOther was not fit.

Sad but true she asked court if she would still gtet

$$$ for child support if child lived with dad court said NO she has not wanted to see or talk to child since.

ten years later we have a healthy happpy well adjusted daughter. Meanwhile mother is now on

husb #4 with 3 kids the 2 others stayed with the dad also.

So please remeber if you have a child do not speak ill or poision child about this.The child wil grow up and has a mind and heart of her own and will see

and know the truth. Also children are innocent and

will love the parent no matter what.

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August 20, 20050 found this helpful

I live in Nebraska and my ex is in California. He is $92,000 in arrears in 10 years. The state did nothing until he reached $100.000. The five children are since grown and are wonderful, my ex missed alot of great growing years! Now grandchildren are coming! The children don't want anything to do with Dad. I have tried to reinforce the idea he changed from good to bad, he could someday change back to good, never shut the door! My youngest really felt the pain of being the poor girl, now she is in college and working, too. I've tried to explain to her money isn't everything and who she is is a part of him, too.

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August 21, 20050 found this helpful

My article should have been titled DEALING WITH DEADBEAT PARENTS. I realize that there are almost equally as many Moms who are irresponsible parents.But you know what?? If you're the person(and that includes Grandparents) who is RAISING the child YOU and THE CHILD have a right to expect monetary support from the absent parent.Actually,I made a lady mad one day over this issue. I had baked a birthday cake and she was picking it up. In conversation she made a remark that HER STEPSON would drive a car that his father was paying for when SHE drove a new CADILLAC!! I put her in her place by letting her know that just because a man left his children and chose to start another family DID NOT mean that the child left behind didn't have needs to be taken care of and that was a very selfish statement.She paid for her cake and LEFT!! To this day all three of her children drive cars that I feel certain DADDY paid for.Keep your words soft--sometimes you have to eat "em!!The point I am making is--as the caregiver of a child, the BALL is in YOUR COURT!If a parent isn't decent enough to raise them--be PERSISTANT and MAKE THEM PAY!Mine's Dad has served three terms in the county jail for non-support.Do I feel bad?? Certainly not. There are people who are advocates and who don't mess around with deadbeats. It's up to us to see that the child is provided with his or her fair share from their absent parent.If they're not decent enough in life to pay--DNA is all it takes to prove them beneficiary to ANYTHING that parent has when they die.Sometimes you gotta play a little HARD BALL!! If I had life to live over again,it would not have taken sixteen years of letting my Daughter do without because of my foolish pride.THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE and avoiding the issue doesn't make it go away.

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August 22, 20050 found this helpful

I have an 11 year old and to date her "paternal" falther has only paid 64.00 dollars in support BUT she knows who her dad is (eventhough) he doesn't see her. I have NEVER said an ill word to her about him and have offered to take her to see him now that he is living locally again. At this point she has no desire , maybe later, maybe not BUT I still think it is good that I do not say ill things about him!!! Kids don't choose their life, we bring them into this world. It is our responsibility to look out for their best interest and teach them the best. Parent bashing in front of children is no example to set no matter what the curcuimstance.

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August 23, 20050 found this helpful

Dear Good for you, Does this PASTOR read what he preaches??? It is in the Bible that a man who does not provide for his family is nothing more than an infidel!!! Get you a legal aid lawyer and expose this JERK!!! Bet the congregation doesn't know this. Wouldn't that ruin his SPOTLESS reputation?? Do it for your Daughter. Legal aid is based on income. Or call that 800 number for Child support.You know the more women like yourslf that sit back and let a man get by with non-support,the more will continue to do it. He might get the job as a "PADRE" in the state prison system.

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September 22, 20050 found this helpful

I am a single mother with two children one with special needs and the other with medical conditions. My children have not seen their father in 2 years and I find it better off for them. He has another child with another woman and doesn't pay me a cent for child support or to help with the children's medical needs. So unless you know everyone's situation or are in the situation of anyone that is a single parent you have no opinion on this issue. I struggle every single day with my children. I am not able to go to work because of my son's medical needs so I am a low income parent. It is very hard for me. I just wish their father would help out in some way that he can but he prefers not too. It was his choice to walk away and that is what he did. He walked away from 2 beautiful children and never looked back. I bet you he is kicking himself now. Oh well his lose! Right? I do not ever say anything bad about the children's father but I do allow the children to say things to me on their feelings towards their father. My seven year old calls him a loser and asks why he doesn't want to see him. I just tell him that he obviously doesn't want to see you because he has the opportunity to see you every day. He works accross the street from our house. My three year old doesn't even know him. He only knows his name. He couldn't pick him out of a crowd even if he tried. He has only seen him three times his entire life. I just answer the questions as best I can. I don't know what else to do.

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December 14, 20050 found this helpful

i want to know what to do my baby's father just left my son about 1 yr ago and he nevers comes or want to see him and we did not do any thing to him he left, just like he does not have any feelings. him and his family just left no more phone calls, the hurtful thing about it is hearing son yelling for his daddy every night and i just dont know what to do next

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March 22, 20060 found this helpful

Yes, DNA can prove parentage but what do you do when the deadbeat dad works off the books and lies under oath stating he only earns $38 a week as a bartender? My poor daughter went to court believing that our justice system would do right by her - only to have the female judge side sympathetically with the 'poor poverty stricken' father offering HIM a free lawyer. When my daughter became frustrated at the outcome and said, "Oh come ON now. He is 31 years old. How do you think he manages to live on only $38 a week by working only FOUR HOURS a week as a bartender?" - the judge told her to calm down. She is disgusted with the process and does not have the money to have the deadbeat father followed by a private investigator to prove that he works off the books FULL TIME as a contractor. WHAT CAN SHE DO??

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March 22, 20060 found this helpful

I pray for all you moms AND dads out there that need to raise young children on your own. My father threw us out (mom and 4 kids). He is an alcoholic, and would be so drunk trying to call me, he couldn't even dial the phone and talk! I have two little boys, and have cut off all contact with him. It breaks my heart, because deep down he IS my father, but I cannot expose my children to that, especially since it has hurt me for 20 years. I don't talk ill about him to my children, but when they are old enough, I will tell them the truth. My mother would speak ill, and it was hard sometimes because you are blood, but I knew it was for the best that we were apart. Now I have a healthy wonderful marriage, and a stable home life. Don't worry, parents, it is hard work, but be true to your convictions! Be a parent, not a friend, and stand your ground with your children!

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March 23, 20060 found this helpful

You know it really doesn't matter if you the mother, or you the father owe support. Pay it. You helped bring these children into the world and you owe it to them to make sure they have the things they need. Like electricity,food,clothes,roof over their heads. They didn't ask to be brought into this world and they can't be blamed for the failure of your relationship with the other parent. When you don't pay you aren't hurting the other parent you are hurting the child.

I have a deadbeat parent who at one time owed over $29,000. He is now down to $13,000 but it has taken me 22 years to get it. He pays what he wants, when he wants. We go to court a lot and he's been in jail several times for failure to appear in court and pay his support. But i haven't given up and i don't plan to until it's all paid off. Don't give up if you are owed money. And if you are the one paying, please make sure to do it on a regular basis and let your child know they are important to you.

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May 9, 20070 found this helpful

My ex husband Richard owes over $76,xxx. in back support , doesn't pay a single dime & hasn't even tried to in over 2 years he runs from state to state , job to job all to avoid paying . He is/was a o.t.r. { over the road } truck driver until the state suspened his C.D.L. for non payment of child support. He has a current warrant for his arrest for non payment of child support , thank goodness when he applied for a passport he was denied so he can't flee the country which he would do .

Last known to be seen in Brazil , IN. I was told he was working under the table on a farm as a farm hand . His current girlfriend/wife is still a truck driver Leann .

He has been employeed by several trucking companies over the past few yaers ones I know of have been Economy Towing , Prime Inc. , O&S Transportation , New Life Transportation.

I'm the bread winner of the family now trying to support myself and 2 children off Wal-Mart wages . I homeschool our youngest daughter during the day due to she is physically handicap & at this present time is unable to attend reg. school for medical reasons .

I have idea I think may work but have no clue who I'd even contact .. example start a t.v. show to expose deadbeat parents like America's Most Wanted Deadbeats air it weekly & show different stories on them ... Or maybe post pics of deadbeats & their kids on pizza boxes ... Shame them into paying ? ...heck if I know .. I just know there are way to many children owed child support which never receive it and many parents who are tired of chasing / hunting down the deadbeats with little to no help from government agencies .

I know myself I have invested hours into searching for my deadbeat ex husband because my children deserve to have both parents incomes to raise them.

I've even went as far as to hire a P.I. which was only able to give me old addresses on my ex which I followed through and still came up empty handed on info. leading to his employment/ home address to get the child support started back .

My ex mother in law is well aware of her sons whereabouts but refuses to tell me , even for her own grandkids sake she's won't . She protects her own deadbeat son instead of her own helpless grandchildren which is a shame I think .

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May 10, 20070 found this helpful

I THINK A T V SHOW WOULD BE GREAT. MY EX IS DOWN TO 13,OOO FROM 32,OOO BUT HAS ONCE AGAIN DISAPPEARED AND I AM UNABLE TO LOCATE HIM. I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING THIS FOR 23 YEARS NOW AND IT GETS OLD WITH NO WHERE TO TURN TO OR NO ONE TO GET HELP FROM. IN ILLINOIS THEY HAVE A DEADBEAT DAD PROGRAM THROUGH PUBLIC AID YOU MIGHT CHECK IN YOUR STATE TOO. I AM GETTING READY TO DO THIS MYSELF. LAST RESORT

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June 7, 20070 found this helpful

well, my kids dad is being a dead beat too i have a 4 and 2 year old and he lives apart from us. tried to date me and be a dad while i was seeing him but now he rarely sees them. i am a full time student and on welfare he owes 6 grand to my kids. i am trying to make a better life 4 my kids through being a nurse and at least i get to look at my children's beautiful little faces every day. they are healthy and the good lord knows my joy and how they are a gift to me. I feel sorry 4 the many fathers that walk away from the closest thing to heaven's heart ''children''. they simply don't get it. to any mother who is struggling with depression and anxiety, don't give up. don't lose hope. just go hold and love ur kids. and don't worry about every thing. they need ur love more than ever now. Yes i am speaking to u! god speaks through people...

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December 17, 20080 found this helpful

I am also parenting with a deadbeat. We recently went to court where he said he didn't pay because he didn't read his court order and that he was going back to school. He is 50 and has had 26 jobs in the last 5 years. He is getting married this summer and spending tons of money on a big wedding, including our daughters in the wedding, but at the same time refusing to pay back support and keep current. His payments are SMALL only $4.65 per day per child, but he still falls behind. He use to make $40,000 a year, but quit to make $10 an hour. HIs new wife is a nurse. I have never talked bad about him to the girls, but it is getting so hard and frustrating, when the courts don't do anything.... the judge didn't make a decision in court, State support enforcement tells him not to pay on his own, but wait for wage garnishment. Then he changes jobs. I am so frustrated with the system. I am so frustrated with hm. My new husband and I pay for everything. Braces, clothes, food, EVERYTHING and he calls and tells the girls about his big wedding plans and tailored dresses. I won't tell the girls that he doesn't help, but HOW do I keep the smile on my face when they talk about it like it is the most wonderful thing in the world?! He sends gifts and has them in the summer for fun. I pay for all the day to day things and drag them out of bed for school. ... I could go on, but I am sure everyone knows what I am talking about.... the frustration for it all!!

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