Help With My Ten Year Old's Behavior

My 10 year old boy is the best boy in school. He is very well behaved but at home he started to talk fresh mouth curse words and very disrespectful to us. All his friends are younger, he treats them bad. He has no confidence, he is behind in school because he has panic attacks and school phobia. We did spoil him but have stopped. Teachers say he the best kid. He will not play sports with kids his age he is timid.

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Help,
Tom G. from NJ

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September 17, 20070 found this helpful

Find out what is happening at school. This screams to me of other influences such as bullying. My son had some difficulty in school due to bullying. The problem is that you cannot be there to fight their battles. However, I managed to get the information from him and I also spoke with the teacher. She was very helpful. What we did is the teacher kept an eye out and told other teachers to do the same. I instructed our son to stay away from this kid, but if the kid was around that he should walk near a teacher on the playground. This would give him a witness if the kid was being a bully.

Library books can be a great source of problem solving - particularly books on mediation and negotation. Life is difficult and I found that the schools do not teach these subjects.

I would not be particularly worried about the sports issue as we all can't be good at sports. He maybe wonderful at chess or art.

The other thing that would help his self esteem is maybe a martial arts course. Our son is doing Tae Kwon Do which has heped him. He is not to use it unless in self defence and only to the degree that it would get him out of a dangerous situation. He is no longer afraid and the incidence of bullying has reduced significantly.

You need to get out of your son what is bothering him. Do not give up - talk to him about every little thing and you will find that he will eventually open up to you on the big issues.

All the best,

Linda

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September 17, 20070 found this helpful

Your son might have a medical problem that is undiagnosed.

Also you've probably heard the saying: The family that prays together stays together.

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September 18, 20070 found this helpful

I read the second post and she has made several very good points of possible bullying in school.

My son graduated many years ago from middle school and I've sort of lost touch of what is happening in our schools.

I hope the best for your family and your son.

Marge from NY

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September 18, 20070 found this helpful

Don't know what happened to the post but here it is again. I agree with the lady who thinks your son is being bullied, he has many of the signs of a bullied child. It was very upsetting to read that your son has school phobia but is the best around his teachers. Maybe the bully is a teacher? Maybe your son behaves around his teachers because he is afraid of them? Ask your son. If he won't talk ask his classmates. Kids know everything that's going on in school and they're often very talkative at that age. There's a lot of information online about bullying. Start with this one: www.mcgruff.org It's McGruff the Crime Dog and it's "kid friendly". Don't worry about the sports. Most of us aren't good at sports. Your son probably has talents in other areas. Good luck to you and your family and God Bless.

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September 21, 20070 found this helpful

Have you had a talk with him to see what is going on?

Make it a "sandwich" talk--start with praising him for his good behaviors, then talk about negatives, and close with some positive talk.

Be sure to point out to him that he has to treat his friends and parents the way he would want to be treated.

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September 25, 20070 found this helpful

Have you tried individual (not team) sports? What about karate? Is he musically inclined? How about music lessons? He might enjoy piano, guitar, etc.

Learning something as an individual might give his self-confidence the boost it needs.

It also might be time for professional counseling. A school counselor might be able to help. If not, you can usually contact your local mental health center who charges on a "sliding scale."

Good Luck!

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October 22, 20070 found this helpful

Any update on how the child is now? Would love to know.

Take care,

Linda Smyth

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October 23, 20070 found this helpful

I agree with the lady who said this"It was very upsetting to read that your son has school phobia but is the best around his teachers. Maybe the bully is a teacher? Maybe your son behaves around his teachers because he is afraid of them? Because if it is the teacher doing the bulling they will not tell you anything negitive of him for fear he will tell you that the teacher is causing him problems. Try surprize drop in times at his school while classes are going on to see if you see anything out of the ordinary. Don't let the teacher or your son know why you are really dropping in.You can pick him up for some reason like shopping or etc.

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